Part three on a beeeeitch! Leggo!
Last time I was at "Church" I peeped these 2 girls in my homie's booth. They were sitting, chilling, drinking the bottles and shit. Then one of the girls leans over to her friend and whispers something in her ear, and they both take off. A few shots of Hennessy later, I'm doing my usual walk around he club, checking my people in the other booths and who do I see? The same 2 girls, in another booth holding up their empty cups for more drinks from another dude's bottle. Now, I get it. Clubbing aint what it used to be. It's rare for a dude to buy a girl a drink anymore, but booth hopping for free drinks to avoid buying your own isn't a classy solution to this problem. If you're invited to do so, clearly that is a different case, but inviting yourself to mooching off someone else's bottle ain't poppin'. If you can't afford to cop your own drinks, you shoulda stayed home and raided your parents liquor cabinet. Get it together.
I don't know when this began, maybe it's the independent woman movement that caused it, but fellas really don't buy ladies drinks anymore. Remember when a dude would approach you, smile, maybe say something cute, then offer to buy you a drink for a moment to speak to you? Yeah, me neither. Those days are dead. Nowadays the only dudes offering beverages are the ones with bottles, and even those dudes aren't offering drinks to you unless they already know you. It's either that dudes these days just dont have it to be copping ladies drinks, or they're just too damn stingy. Either way ladies, these fellas are screaming YOYO (you're on your own) to the death. Better come with some cash or it's gonna be a sober night.
I don't know if there is anything worse than a sloppy drunk girl. Just all over the place in a drunken stupor, stumbling in heels, refusing water, slurring her words and flopping down on couches with ice buckets to catch her vomit while her friend holds her hair. It's a fucking spectacle every time. Knowing your limit is the key to successful partying. Not remembering the night is good for only one thing: telling the story the next day. But when the pictures of you with your skirt up over your head, neon pink thong exposed and you face down ass up in a bathroom stall hit the Internet it's an entirely different thing. I'm not saying not to get drunk, I'm saying at some point we all need to know when to stop with the shots and pick up some agua. That's water by the way...
It was accidentally brought to my attention that girls are slangin' pussy for party perks. Honey, no. If you gotta fuck a promoter, DJ, security guard, bartender or club owner for party perks, you are classified as a "party favour". You are thereby NOT permitted to act like a socialite. You did not get there by being you. You got there by way of fornication. So please, don't look down your nose at other girls in the club. Either they got there the same way you did, or they're actually socialites. Either way, you are no better than them. Get it together. Know yourself. Party perks ain't shit. You can't be fuckin' and suckin' for line bypass, free entry and a few shots. That shit don't even make sense. Close your legs and open your wallet sweetie. It's at least more dignified.
The Articulate Bitch
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