Back like cooked crack!!!! Fuck this! I miss telling y'all all the bullshit I see in the club. I miss sharing the experience with you and most of all I miss laughing while I write these things. So club chronicles back. Don't get caught slippin' cuz I'm gon' blooogggg you I'm gon' blooogggg you. Okay okay... Fuego.
I wanna make this the Halloween edition but since a lot of this applies on a regular club night ....
Ladies... Why are we still having this conversation? WEAR YOUR FUCKING SIZE! I saw all chunky everything last night. Chunky "sexy" cat woman, chunky "sexy" fairy, chunky "sexy" angel, chunky "sexy" chola.... No. Stop this. I know every female wants to be something "sexy" or "slutty" for halloween but for one, that shit has been done to death and two that shit doesn't come in your size. So cut it out. You don't look good and your friends are evil for making you think otherwise.
***We interrupt this post for an awkward moment***
That awkward moment a clique of seven girls walks in... And they're ALL the ugly friend. Yeah. I'm sad.
***...Back to our regular scheduled fuck shit***
Fellas, y'all gotta learn to respect the curve. I'm jumping around on the couch at Church and one of my niggaz homie decides to invade my sacred couch space to try and catch a bubble from the kid. Real shit homie musta grabbed my waist five times, getting curved each and every time. Plus my nigga was warning him to fall binack and in my nigga's own words he "doesn't fuckin' listen" because he was pressing' me like a space bar, word to Nicki. Ayo, I'm not trying to be coy or cute or play hard to get when I give niggaz the curve. I'm not interested, I don't dance with niggaz, and don't you ever... eva eva eeeeva... eva eva eeeeva.... Invade my couch space. There are plenty of females loose off that goose who will dance with you ON THE DANCEFLOOR. Basically... Fuck off.
Although my Molly poppin' days are done, it's obviously very popular amongst club folks. Many times with the females who don't party often and wanna "just have fun" for one night. I find 8 times outta 10 though, it's dudes offering girls Molly. So let me address those dudes right quick: stop giving ugly girls Ms. A hot girl looks happy and sexy (most times) if she's rolling. An ugly bitch on one makes you wanna dig out both eyes with a spoon on some Houston shit, and throw up on yourself. It's so unattractive. I mean, they already are, but let's not add fuel to the fire. They get amped and hyper and attract the wrong attention. Stop making these girls the laughing stock of the party. That's not nice.
Drink choice is just that, a choice. We drink Hennessy because it's a better drunk than Grey Goose. I tweet about it so much Hennessy should be cutting me a check (for the record there is currently a Hennessy shortage in Toronto... We go hard). More than a few people have told me they either tried or switched to Hennessy because of how much we praise it. That being said, don't go copying us then mixing with other liquors all night, then wanna blame the Hennessy. No. Hennessy didn't make you face plant on the sidewalk in the club district or vomit on the curb and lose your shoe. Your drunk liquor gluttonous self did. You know why you don't hear us complain about it? Why we still swear by it? Why we drink up to 6 bottles a weekend of it? Because we appreciate loyalty. We don't fuck with other alcohol so we don't get FUCKED by other alcohol the way y'all mixin' folks do. Whatever....choose as you please but don't blame #teamhennessy for a damn thing. We skraight.
The Articulate Bitch
Saturday 27 October 2012
Wednesday 24 October 2012
New Music: Georgia Boys
Gotta love having dope friends from south of the border. Y'all know what it's like to have some dope music drop into your lap that most people haven't heard yet, you go HAM trynna put everyone else on. I'm bout to switch up and revamp your whole iTunes game with these three new Atlanta acts. I predict a blow up in the next 10 months ( kinda like I predicted with The Weeknd.. ahem... Yeah, I'm tooting my own horn *pause*). Soon you won't be able to make a move without hearing from these artists, so get to downloading!
First up is an artist I was first introduced to a couple years ago. Money Makin' Nique (also a member of Two9, but I'll get to that shortly) been doing this music thing for quite some time now. I gotta say as much as I love his voice and flow on these tracks, his production choice is what always blows me away. That distinctive ATL bounce is all over his mixtape. Check out the video for his recent single F.A.X Machine, featuring plenty of nudity and prometh inspired visuals. If you just had a breakup, this is definitely right up your alley....
Be sure to download the mixtape Gas Money and get your playlist game right.
Next we have an artist you may have already heard whispers of. Trinidad James is a Trini born Atlien with a serious gold fettish and a southern drawl you can't help but love hearing float over these bass driven beats. I'm head over heels in love with his single "All Gold Everything". It's on my "Getting Ready for the Club" playlist. Add it to yours and check out the DOPE video for the song....
Download the mix tape Don't Be S.A.F.E. HERE
First up is an artist I was first introduced to a couple years ago. Money Makin' Nique (also a member of Two9, but I'll get to that shortly) been doing this music thing for quite some time now. I gotta say as much as I love his voice and flow on these tracks, his production choice is what always blows me away. That distinctive ATL bounce is all over his mixtape. Check out the video for his recent single F.A.X Machine, featuring plenty of nudity and prometh inspired visuals. If you just had a breakup, this is definitely right up your alley....
Be sure to download the mixtape Gas Money and get your playlist game right.
Next we have an artist you may have already heard whispers of. Trinidad James is a Trini born Atlien with a serious gold fettish and a southern drawl you can't help but love hearing float over these bass driven beats. I'm head over heels in love with his single "All Gold Everything". It's on my "Getting Ready for the Club" playlist. Add it to yours and check out the DOPE video for the song....
Download the mix tape Don't Be S.A.F.E. HERE
Last but most certainly not least is the mega music group Two 9. Boasting a collection of collabos from Atlanta's best up and coming artists, Two 9's mixtape Two 9 Forever is a buffet of southern bounce. Not convinced yet? How about production/ Collabo credits from the likes of Juicy J, Meek Mill, Fly Union, Lil B, A$AP Rocky and Kreayshawn? Cosigns are cool and all but their music really does speak for itself. Check the ratchetly dope video for Scottie 2 Hottie me and Trap have been rockin' to since we got put on. PASS THE AMMO!!!
Get your click on and download the MIXTAPE pronto fam.
Follow all these artists on twitter and get familiar... the buzz is crazy.
@DJOSH_KOSH @ThatBoyCurtis @FATMANKEY @Daaaamien @RetroSushi @FAT_KIDS_BROTHA @WavyWallace @MoneyMakinNique @TheCoolIsMac @PjTheHero @GunnerSellWhite @TrinidadJamesGG
The Articulate Bitch
Tuesday 23 October 2012
NWEE: Subtweet Life
I began this post quite a while ago but neglected completing it for fear of it sounding self-important. But the more time passed, the more I added and revised it, the more true it became for not only myself, but so many more people.
Now, the word "hater" is definitely in the top three most overused and misused words to grace our vocabulary. Overused mostly by the misusers. So let's begin by giving this word a concrete definition.
Hater - someone who responds negatively to a person they envy in some way, shape or form.
Simply disliking someone or something does not make a person a hater. Why? Because we can't all like everything. For example, I don't like lace fronts. Am I hating on girls that wear lace fronts? No, because hate implies envy, and really, what is there to be envious of? Exactly.
Why do females always make some outta pocket comment on some shit that really don't concern them and make it personal? If you gon' make a general statement by all means generalize away. But don't get specific then equate your bullshit comments about ONE person (ie subtweets) with a shared observation. For example: I sometimes say things about baby mothers. I already know it doesn't apply to ALL of them, and it doesn't apply to just ONE of them either. My statement is therefore GENERAL and not directed to just ONE angry bitch. But if you're speaking on something, strategically leaving out the name of the person, then referring to specific examples guess what? That, my friend, is a subtweet.
So, question: when y'all tweet hateful shit about people like it's funny, what reaction are you hoping for or expecting? You want a twitter confrontation? The back and forth banter usually started by the first person to grow balls and throw in an @ name. Subtweets? Where your opponent stoops to your level and rants aimlessly to their followers about some unnamed LAME. Real life confrontation? Are you expecting them to turn on their location so you can make the ahit real? Or do you just want them to feel bad and cry? I don't know who would, but some people are just fragile.
Better yet... The fuck u gon' do when u get NO reaction? You just wasted valuable TL slots to talk shit about someone who won't even give you the time of day. You dedicated tweet after tweet to them and they wouldn't give you even 140 characters. Thankfully you have me, to give you an entire blog post of shine. Heeeey! *waves*
I hope y'all get carpel tunnel from subtweeting niggaz.
The Articulate Bitch
Now, the word "hater" is definitely in the top three most overused and misused words to grace our vocabulary. Overused mostly by the misusers. So let's begin by giving this word a concrete definition.
Hater - someone who responds negatively to a person they envy in some way, shape or form.
Simply disliking someone or something does not make a person a hater. Why? Because we can't all like everything. For example, I don't like lace fronts. Am I hating on girls that wear lace fronts? No, because hate implies envy, and really, what is there to be envious of? Exactly.
Why do females always make some outta pocket comment on some shit that really don't concern them and make it personal? If you gon' make a general statement by all means generalize away. But don't get specific then equate your bullshit comments about ONE person (ie subtweets) with a shared observation. For example: I sometimes say things about baby mothers. I already know it doesn't apply to ALL of them, and it doesn't apply to just ONE of them either. My statement is therefore GENERAL and not directed to just ONE angry bitch. But if you're speaking on something, strategically leaving out the name of the person, then referring to specific examples guess what? That, my friend, is a subtweet.
So, question: when y'all tweet hateful shit about people like it's funny, what reaction are you hoping for or expecting? You want a twitter confrontation? The back and forth banter usually started by the first person to grow balls and throw in an @ name. Subtweets? Where your opponent stoops to your level and rants aimlessly to their followers about some unnamed LAME. Real life confrontation? Are you expecting them to turn on their location so you can make the ahit real? Or do you just want them to feel bad and cry? I don't know who would, but some people are just fragile.
Better yet... The fuck u gon' do when u get NO reaction? You just wasted valuable TL slots to talk shit about someone who won't even give you the time of day. You dedicated tweet after tweet to them and they wouldn't give you even 140 characters. Thankfully you have me, to give you an entire blog post of shine. Heeeey! *waves*
I hope y'all get carpel tunnel from subtweeting niggaz.
The Articulate Bitch
Thursday 18 October 2012
Wicked Games
Remember when no one knew who The Weeknd was or what he looked like? We heard the voice and had no face to picture while our pupils dialated and teeth grinded while playing song after song. Those days are long gone, Toronto's favourite drug induced R&B crooner isn't hiding a damn thing anymore. We know the voice, we know the name, we've been to the shows, and out from the shadows we know the face. Let's play a game........
The Articulate Bitch
Wednesday 17 October 2012
HEADLINERS
Headliners.
A city brimming with talent and a lust for life. Nights filled with music, culture and a pulse that sets the tempo for todays popular culture. The worlds eyes are keenly focussed on Toronto and how we do what we do. Headliners places focus on the beauty of night life and the beauties that live in it. This is the inspired life.
Chapter 01.
#headliners
October's hottest party is this Friday at Time Nightclub in Toronto....
Come witness the art of celebration.
The Articulate Bitch
Tuesday 16 October 2012
Only In Toronto
The city of Townsville....
Nah, it's Toronto. Screwface capital of the world. Land of pump fakes and real talent. I've lived here all my life and I love it love it love it, even when it drives me crazy.
Sometimes I say things around folks from other places forgetting they can't relate to the same things us Torontonians can. This city has a culture all to itself that is both amazing and terrifying at times. If you're from here, you'll nod in agreement and if you're not, well here's some education for your next trip to my city.
Only in Toronto, do you have an argument amongst your friends about which Chinese restaurant to eat at after the club. "New Ho King!" "No! Garden!" "Fuck garden! Hong Shing!" (cue the random Scarborough friend) "Well, I want Perfect's". Yep, it's all Chinese, and yep, this argument is totally valid because each spot makes something the other ones don't make as good. The constant battle. Never ends.
Only in Toronto has Wetbar replaced Thursday on the calendar. Whether you love it or hate it, everybody knows where the party is on a Thursday night. Folks who haven't experienced it at its best always talk down on it, but for those of us who have enjoyed the wild and awesome Thursday nights there, there is literally nowhere else you'd rather be.
Only in Toronto are promoters, DJs/MCs, club goers and strippers the only celebrities. Why? Well because other than Drake and Melanie Fiona who else is recognizable? Exactly.
Only in Toronto do you prepare yourself to be yelled at by the old dude outside Forever 21 at Yonge and Dundas to "Believe in the lord" right before you cross the street and see the Eaton Centre pimp dressed head to toe in a 3 piece suit complete with gators and a matching fedora, carrying his cane and bible.
Only in Toronto are you certain to see at least one Degrassi star, comedian from Video on Trial, cast member from 1 Girl 5 Gays or Much Music host if you spend enough time hangin' out downtown. It's kinda cool actually. They all live, work and play in the city, and from my experience they're all very humble and approachable.
Only in Toronto has every lightskin model girl had sex with the same lightskin rapper nig..... Never mind.
Only in Toronto do you have to leave 15 minutes early for anything if you plan on takin' public transit. TTC always got some sort of delay going on slowing down the entire movement o your day. Detours, shuttle buses, emergencies at track level... It's always some form of fuckery.
Only in Toronto do folks have a favourite street meat truck outside city hall. That blue truck poutine is the shit!
Only in Toronto do you see badder females in the club than in the strip club.
Only in Toronto is the entertainment industry network so small, that making even one enemy in the wrong circle can black ball your career. Sad, yes. However, true nonetheless. I've watched it happen, on a couple occasions. It's pretty disturbing and disappointing. But certain people just don't want to see others flourish. It's a TDot thing.
Only in Toronto do we have some of the BADDEST females and the CORNIEST niggaz. The shit almost makes no sense. Beautiful girl after beautiful girl has no choice but to settle for some pump faking, no game having, unimportant dude within the city, or have a long distance relationship with a dude south of the border. It's sad and highly unfortunate for the ladies because it's like you have to settle if you want to settle down.
I know there are plenty more noteworthy points about the screwface capital. Leave your "only in Toronto" notes in the comments!
The Articulate Bitch
Nah, it's Toronto. Screwface capital of the world. Land of pump fakes and real talent. I've lived here all my life and I love it love it love it, even when it drives me crazy.
Sometimes I say things around folks from other places forgetting they can't relate to the same things us Torontonians can. This city has a culture all to itself that is both amazing and terrifying at times. If you're from here, you'll nod in agreement and if you're not, well here's some education for your next trip to my city.
Only in Toronto, do you have an argument amongst your friends about which Chinese restaurant to eat at after the club. "New Ho King!" "No! Garden!" "Fuck garden! Hong Shing!" (cue the random Scarborough friend) "Well, I want Perfect's". Yep, it's all Chinese, and yep, this argument is totally valid because each spot makes something the other ones don't make as good. The constant battle. Never ends.
Only in Toronto has Wetbar replaced Thursday on the calendar. Whether you love it or hate it, everybody knows where the party is on a Thursday night. Folks who haven't experienced it at its best always talk down on it, but for those of us who have enjoyed the wild and awesome Thursday nights there, there is literally nowhere else you'd rather be.
Only in Toronto are promoters, DJs/MCs, club goers and strippers the only celebrities. Why? Well because other than Drake and Melanie Fiona who else is recognizable? Exactly.
Only in Toronto do you prepare yourself to be yelled at by the old dude outside Forever 21 at Yonge and Dundas to "Believe in the lord" right before you cross the street and see the Eaton Centre pimp dressed head to toe in a 3 piece suit complete with gators and a matching fedora, carrying his cane and bible.
Only in Toronto are you certain to see at least one Degrassi star, comedian from Video on Trial, cast member from 1 Girl 5 Gays or Much Music host if you spend enough time hangin' out downtown. It's kinda cool actually. They all live, work and play in the city, and from my experience they're all very humble and approachable.
Only in Toronto has every lightskin model girl had sex with the same lightskin rapper nig..... Never mind.
Only in Toronto do you have to leave 15 minutes early for anything if you plan on takin' public transit. TTC always got some sort of delay going on slowing down the entire movement o your day. Detours, shuttle buses, emergencies at track level... It's always some form of fuckery.
Only in Toronto do folks have a favourite street meat truck outside city hall. That blue truck poutine is the shit!
Only in Toronto do you see badder females in the club than in the strip club.
Only in Toronto is the entertainment industry network so small, that making even one enemy in the wrong circle can black ball your career. Sad, yes. However, true nonetheless. I've watched it happen, on a couple occasions. It's pretty disturbing and disappointing. But certain people just don't want to see others flourish. It's a TDot thing.
Only in Toronto do we have some of the BADDEST females and the CORNIEST niggaz. The shit almost makes no sense. Beautiful girl after beautiful girl has no choice but to settle for some pump faking, no game having, unimportant dude within the city, or have a long distance relationship with a dude south of the border. It's sad and highly unfortunate for the ladies because it's like you have to settle if you want to settle down.
I know there are plenty more noteworthy points about the screwface capital. Leave your "only in Toronto" notes in the comments!
The Articulate Bitch
Tuesday 9 October 2012
Nothing's Wrong Except Everything: I Got Questions
Couple things I just keep wondering about. This shit is recurring and annoying as fuck. I just want answers brah.
1. You're not a model, artist, stylist, photographer etc. You have no occupation anywhere within the entertainment industry. So explain to me why you keep doing photoshoots. Why you taking up valuable photographer time, space and resources to have pictures taken of you? Photoshoots serve a few purposes, but the main purpose is for promotion. To add to a photographer or model's portfolio, to use the photos on websites, to promote an event or to be used in various media venues. By default your photo is used in the photographer' portfolio, but if those pics serve no personal purpose why y'all keep wasting time? Instagram? Really hoe?
2. Why does everyone's child have their own instagram page? Granted, this really only applies to a few people. Many folks are trying to get their children into modeling, or their mother(most often) is a stylist and takes the opportunity to showcase their abilities with their own child. In those instances, the page is justified. But some of y'all ain't even got cute or well-dressed kids and still got 369 pics of your kid being basic. Get it together.
3. Why dudes always taking pics of their outfits laid out on the bed for instagram? I LOVE a well dressed man, perhaps more than the average chick, and I can certainly appreciate a dude who knows how to put himself together. Nearly every weekend though, before the party, these dudes take to their closets and very strategically lay their clothes out to show instagram what they're wearing that night. I'm not calling these dudes homo but the pics be real frankie brah. Take a mirror pic, or a waist down photo like the cool cats do. Face it, the outfit ain't even that special. You got on a damn tee shirt, a designer belt an some Jordans. If your whole point was "Hey, look! My J's match my t shirt," we got the point. Now chill out and give the shit a rest.
.... These are rhetorical.
The Articulate Bitch
1. You're not a model, artist, stylist, photographer etc. You have no occupation anywhere within the entertainment industry. So explain to me why you keep doing photoshoots. Why you taking up valuable photographer time, space and resources to have pictures taken of you? Photoshoots serve a few purposes, but the main purpose is for promotion. To add to a photographer or model's portfolio, to use the photos on websites, to promote an event or to be used in various media venues. By default your photo is used in the photographer' portfolio, but if those pics serve no personal purpose why y'all keep wasting time? Instagram? Really hoe?
2. Why does everyone's child have their own instagram page? Granted, this really only applies to a few people. Many folks are trying to get their children into modeling, or their mother(most often) is a stylist and takes the opportunity to showcase their abilities with their own child. In those instances, the page is justified. But some of y'all ain't even got cute or well-dressed kids and still got 369 pics of your kid being basic. Get it together.
3. Why dudes always taking pics of their outfits laid out on the bed for instagram? I LOVE a well dressed man, perhaps more than the average chick, and I can certainly appreciate a dude who knows how to put himself together. Nearly every weekend though, before the party, these dudes take to their closets and very strategically lay their clothes out to show instagram what they're wearing that night. I'm not calling these dudes homo but the pics be real frankie brah. Take a mirror pic, or a waist down photo like the cool cats do. Face it, the outfit ain't even that special. You got on a damn tee shirt, a designer belt an some Jordans. If your whole point was "Hey, look! My J's match my t shirt," we got the point. Now chill out and give the shit a rest.
.... These are rhetorical.
The Articulate Bitch
Top 5 Most Swag: Toronto Trill White Girls
Initially when I thought of this post I intended to have ten beautiful and stylish white girls, from all over, but so many of the lovely ladies were from my fair city I decided to shine the spotlight on them alone.
Valentina
"Lady V"
Co-Owner: TSOQ (719 Queen St West)
Boutique chic
@TheStoreOnQueen (twitter)
Megan Wilson
"Baller Boo"
sportswear meets high fashion
@shegotgame(twitter & instagram)
Jaclyn G.
"Jac Le Flash"
Jaclyn Genovese
Owner: Jac Flash (1036 Queen St West)
Queen Street Classy
@jaclyngenovese (instagram)
Dash
"The Russian Princess"
Prada Dee
Style Icon
Versatile vixen x Nail Game Crazy
@thehighesheels(Instagram)
C.Dub
"Da Boss"
Bossy Girl
Stylist Extrodinnaire
Fashion Forward casual swagger
@cdubdaboss (instagram)
all photos courtesy of respected instagram/tumblr pages
There you have it, 5 beautiful, talented and trill as fuck white girls. It should come as no surprise this city is brimming with beauties like these with style, class and enviable presence. Check them out on the social networks and show some love.... but keep the thirst to a minimum.
The Articulate Bitch
Wednesday 3 October 2012
Kush Talk w/ Jamz
So I kinda went in yesterday cuz of some blatant identity theft on behalf of my style. Mind you, that very morning I had had a conversation with a Handsome guy about swagger jackery of all kinds.
Nearly everyone who is even relatively successful within my social circle is the embodiment of real. Whether they're selectively real - given a set of circumstances - or all the way real aka three hunna. They are the reason I created Truuism. Truuuism was not meant to be a religion, it's more along the lines of Buddhism, a way of life. The people I choose to surround myself with are disciples of that belief. They all KNOW THEMSELVES.
I was told not to dislike the un-creative, since clearly they're just following leaders. But on a lighter note I just wonder how it feels to son yourself by blatantly swagger jacking. You do realize people notice, don't you? You really wanna be the subject of an embarrassing picstitch showing what a biter you are? That's cool witchu? At least dilute it so it's not so obvious. Or is that asking too much? My bad. I'll just go.
#KsVomit tho.
The Articulate Bitch
Nearly everyone who is even relatively successful within my social circle is the embodiment of real. Whether they're selectively real - given a set of circumstances - or all the way real aka three hunna. They are the reason I created Truuism. Truuuism was not meant to be a religion, it's more along the lines of Buddhism, a way of life. The people I choose to surround myself with are disciples of that belief. They all KNOW THEMSELVES.
I was told not to dislike the un-creative, since clearly they're just following leaders. But on a lighter note I just wonder how it feels to son yourself by blatantly swagger jacking. You do realize people notice, don't you? You really wanna be the subject of an embarrassing picstitch showing what a biter you are? That's cool witchu? At least dilute it so it's not so obvious. Or is that asking too much? My bad. I'll just go.
#KsVomit tho.
The Articulate Bitch
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)