Trill Niggaz Turn Up Twitter

Most rap beef is entertaining, brings a lot of attention to the music and keeps people looking forward to things like diss tracks and sneak disses on social networks.

The latest rapper beef on the menu comes courtesy of the newest faces of trill, ASAP Rocky and Rvider Rvdxr Klvn SpaceGhostPurrp. Two talented young mutha fuckaz, from Miami and Harlem. 

From what I gather on twitter, seems like ASAP Twelvyy may have jumped Rvdr Klvn member Matt Stoops, sending the two teams into twitter uproar.

Both Rocky and SGP have let their thumbs do a lot of talking on twitter. These niggaz definitely ain't shy. Although I would love nothing more than to show y'all the tweets and youtube comments (most of which are via Purrp...hmm.), I'll be honest; THERE ARE WAAAAAY TOO MANY!!! Most of it is just Purrp "exposing" Rocky. Claiming Rocky swagger jacked him, didn't give him credit for beats...shit like that. Rocky hasn't actually spoken DIRECTLY to Purrp on twitter, and we all know subtweeting is frowned upon. Perhaps he just doesn't feel the need to give any more attention to the situation, though he has caps locked tweeted a few times... ooooooh scary.

Side note: I never really understood why people wait til there's an issue to bring up all the things they don't like about the friend they once had. Like out of the blue your homie is a fuck nigga? Truuuuuuue. *2 Chainz voice*

I don't really give a shit about a lot of rapper beefs, but this one kinda hurts my heart a bit. These niggaz make some FIRE music together. It's one thing for rappers who aren't affiliated to beef but it's unfortunate when homies get into shit like this. Judging by the words being thrown around between ASAP and the Rvdxr Klvn however, it doesn't seem like this will be resolved any time soon. I'll hope for the best though, hopefully the beef can stay off twitter.... entertaining as it is.

The Articulate Bitch

Daddy's Little Girls

Either I've been hiding under a rock, or my observations are correct. Seems like in the space of about 3 years everyone went from being a drug dealer/rapper to a pimp. Girls are no longer concerned with public image or public opinion so stripping and escorting have become a common and normal occurrence. Let's be clear: I knock NO ONE'S hustle. By all means get ya paper. But a recent conversation with my close friends, all of whom are in this sex industry, has brought a particular (perhaps controversial) topic to light: girls who date pimps. 

Now, let's not confuse this with niggaz who pimp their girlfriend. Those aren't real pimps (according to the Toronto Pimp Legion of Doom). A nigga who pimps his girlfriend probably has only her working for him, perhaps just to fund whatever other shit he's doing (usually drugs, studio time or both). I'm talking about established PIs with a roster of females on his team. 

At first, before actually asking the important questions and discussing the subject with these gentlemen and the smarter females involved, I saw no reason why a man of leisure couldn't have a girlfriend to himself. A girl who wasn't working for him, but did all the girlfriendly duties. Basically a square bitch. Why shouldn't you be able to have a girlfriend who doesn't pay you at the end of the day? Especially if you have other girls who do. 

Truth is, having a square girlfriend isn't very pimply. It was said that doing such would be disrespectful to the game overall. Figure it like this if you will: a boss hires 10 people, 9 of whom work super hard day after day getting shit done, making the boss happy. In turn everything they may need or want is taken care of. Then that last employee doesn't work, but receives the same benefits as those busting their ass everyday. Yeah. It's like that. What you will have is nothing but disgruntled employees, who will begin to question their boss and where his head is at. In such a business as the one in question, that is detrimental. 

To quote my older head:
"[Girls trying to date pimps] are focused on money and getting to the top. Sad part is, their love for money leads to the violent side of the game. Girls basically get with [pimps] for security and the fact they have a man who is about them. A real pimp don't date, has no girlfriends and don't fuck girls who don't pay him."

Just in case you thought that was a fluke answer, this next quote is from a dude younger than me (smart mother fucker):
"No such thing as girls dating pimps.. If he dating the bitch he aint no pi ... Doesn't make sense. Clear distinction between being live and being a square. Like police officers and firemen,". During our convo he laughed at the word "girlfriend" so many times I had to find a new word. 

So what's your point Jamz? Simple. I'm seeing too many females out here bragging about their "boyfriends", talkin' all that "my man" shit like we all don't know what's really good. Girl, please. Your daddy ain't your boyfriend and you are fooling no one.  A bottom bitch has never called herself her daddy's "girlfriend". For the other females who see these dudes in the club, all shiny and shit with their bottle, don't act surprised when he tells you wuddup. I had a girl literally tell me she couldn't see why she would have to work for him. You chose him because you like what you saw, now you ain't bout that life but you don't wanna stop talking to him, why? Because YOU are gonna be the one to change him? Girl please. 

As a female I'm not supposed to advocate this type of thing. I know. I get it. But as always I'm about honesty and keeping it real. If you don't like something you just don't fuck with it. So don't think you gonna fuck with a nigga who manages females for a living and not be breaking him off. Every other female he fucks with puts paper in his hand. What's special about you?

Chuuuuch.

The Articulate Bitch

I'm Not Jealous I'm Annoyed

It's summer time, and usually his means promiscuity and galavanting of all kinds. But for those who are in relationships during these hot months, this is for you. 

There is nothing nicer to hear and/or see than two people enjoying each other's company in committed, non-marital  bliss. I am all for your happiness! Live long and prosper, as it were. But too many of you happy couples do shit that is just so annoying its unfollow worthy. It's usually the females who are perpetrators of such things but I don't doubt for a moment that some simp simp hooray dudes do this shit too. 

For one, y'all spending the whole entire day together. That's sweet. How nice for the both of you. Don't fucking torture us regailing us on twitter with blow by blow reports of what you two are doing. OH MY GAWD WE GET IT! Leave it at "spending the day with my baby". Please. Recap the events in ONE tweet at the end of the adventure and call it a day. 

Twitter is one thing, instagram is another. How many picture of you two kissing do we need to see?! Or of you holding hands, or cuddling or whatever other shit y'all do. You're overdoing it. Furthermore when y'all break up we ALL gon' chuckle and wait to see how long it takes you to delete all 134 pictures of the two of y'all. Shit you might as well delete the old account and start fresh. 

When in a relationship, it's expected that y'all do nice things for each other. Why does anyone else need to know the simple petty shit your boyfriend did for you? You twitpic'n the lunch he brought to your job, the stubs to the movie he took you to see, or the dinner he took you to eat. Why? Y'all supposed to be doin' that anyway. Matter of fact, bitch, you shoulda been cookin'. Twitpic that. 

Share your joy by all means, but don't overdo it. Jay Z and Beyoncé don't.... And y'all love them right? Front tryin' to be them, post pics of them but won't do the one thing that sets them apart from other couples: shut the fuck up and be happy. 

The Articulate Bitch

A Whole New World

List of things me and Trap aka Pinky don't like about the new world we seem to be living in. 

 Niggaz borrowing cars. Hate this. How are you showing up in a new luxury vehicle every week? You ain't ballin' and we know this, but you still frontin' like you got it. Stop the shit. Take a cab you fugayzi nigga. 

Colored contacts on black girls. You ain't Lil Kim, Nicki Minaj or Jeffree Starr. We know your eyes are brown. You instagram'd a close up last week. Fuck you mean your eyes are blue today? Then you wanna talk about bitches bein' fake. Oh. 

Booth Pigs. Why are you taking it upon yourself to worry about GIRLS being in your booth? You ten niggaz deep posted up trying to look cool. Not a bitch in sight. But you wanna act bad and be booth police trynna kick bitches out? Stop this! SUS. If you don't wanna share your bottles, fine (though I can't imagine why not), but chill on getting rowdy with girls you're a MAN. Or supposed to be. 

Niggaz is bitches, bitches is niggaz. I don't know when this happened. I thought I'd be amped for shit like this. I'm all for female empowerment and shit but I'm not about niggaz acting like females. I wanted the end of double standard not the reversal of it. I wanna be a real nigga WITH a real nigga not a bitch nigga. Seems simple but lately it hasn't been happening that way. Men still need to be men. At all times. I'm not bout that bitch nigga shit. Pull ya skirt down, ya pussy is showing. 

Unnessesary tweeting.  Twitter and tweeting are for generally interesting things that either relate to us directly, make us laugh, inform us or make us think/be inspired. You telling us you're cleaning the toilet without twitpic'n your horrendous yet hilarious cleaning outfit is not tweet worthy. Ask yourself before you tweet "why would anyone want to read this?" if you can't think of something clever don't bother. Y'all taking up space on my timeline for fuckery. Then get mad that I unfollow you. Get it together. Be more interesting. 

10 year pardons. Canada has extended the time it takes to get a pardon for indictable offenses from 5 years to ten, and other offenses from  3 years to 5. Like holy fuck!!! Niggaz can't catch a break for nothing. Even worse niggaz can't travel no where. Y'all stuck in Toronto and probably going back to jail out of boredom. *sigh*

Bio lies. Twitter is like the liar's playground. Nothing but pump fakery and fake lifestyles. Why do you have booking info with less than 500 followers? You still pay for your photo shoots shawty. Why does your location have cities that you've only been to on a stop over flight? TO - MIA - ATL - LAX? But you're on charges though... You can't travel. Going to a city once does not give you the right to put it in your bio. Nice try. 

These things annoy me so much because people act like the shit is acceptable. IT'S NOT. If this type of shit is part of this new world order I hope the Mayans are right. I'm so not bout that life. 

The Articulate Bitch

The Art of Altercation

Bitches be arguing. We know this, but you ever witness an argument and get confused 'cause the rebuttals don't make any sense whatsoever? Well, I'm sick of the fuck shit. So here we go...

Stop bringing up people's family. You went from having a simple disagreement to provoking a murder in 2.5 seconds. Why do you want to get someone THAT angry? Furthermore, pretty sure their fam had nothing to do with the argument. Leave them out of it.

Stop talking about people's money. This goes for those folks who really ain't shit better than the person they're beefing with. If you and I are both in the same position and stature, what do you gain from discussing my finances? I'm not even sure it's in good taste to pree people's pockets. You look a way. Rich folks can do it all they want, because at the end of the day their money talks for them. You? Nah.

Stop bringing people's children into the disagreement. There are select times when reminding a bitch that she has bigger responsibilities than what she's bumping her gums and rolling her neck about, is necessary. However most of the time, telling a girl to "go mind her yute/pickney" is cause for a swift backhand.

The basis is this: if you're going to argue with someone, at the very least come with RELEVANT arguments in your disagreement. If we arguing about you stealing my lipstick, I'm pretty sure your mother has nothing to do with it. But your finances do, so I might say something about you needing to find a new occupation. Just saying.

Personally I don't argue. I'll debate, but not argue. I'm not the getting loud, clapping hands, rolling neck, gun fingers in your face type. To each their own of course, but if you're going to be, step ya argument pussy up.

The Articulate Bitch

Top Ten Most Swag: Twitter Hashtags

Something straight from my timeline. Now, these Hashtags are just ones that are used day to say that I and my timeline seem to use hella often. Comment below with yours or tweet them to me w/ #TAB! for the second list ( @416Jamz )

1. #thuglife : I love this 'cause I always use it when I'm doing some shit I know some uptight person would judge me for. Like going to he store for a blunt at 7am on Yonge St. with a headwrap, jail sweats and a crop top, cigarette in mouth and sunglasses on face. Or lighting a blunt with the toaster. I'm so not a thug so the irony just entertains me.

2.  #DEAD : when something is super fuckin' funny. No, I'm not dying of laughter, I'm already dead. Yes, it was THAT funny.

3. #LiesToldOnTwitter : hahaha! Yo someone is forever getting RT'd with this one. It's generally funny but even more hilarious when it wasn't meant to be funny and the RTer is just being an asshole.

4. #fail : for obvious reasons. It's ALWAYS something hilarious, or downright disappointing.... and hella ratchet.

5. #birdmanhandrub : honestly... Just too funny when someone says some stuntin' or schemin' ass shit and adds this. You can't help but visualize them actually doing it. And let's be real, for you to have an entire motion attributed to you is pretty swag. Go Birdman. ( my vote for the next is the #2chainzmercydance... Just saying).

6. #icant : for those tweets you just can't form words to comment on.

7. #Nct : no one cares tweet. When you say something just for the sake of tweeting it. You know people will read it saying "no one cares!" and that's fine with you.

8. Anything to do w/ 2Chainz: I'll never forget when twitter had him trending for NO REASON. That wasn't even a hashtag, just his name! Then of course the infamous #what2chainzwouldsay TT that had all of twitter writing verses like 2 Chainz.  That shit was epic.

9. #nofilter : fairly recent since instagram gained popularity. I promise you this, if you're ever bored searching this on twitter is guaranteed to have you laughing at other peoples' expense instantly.

10. #flipshair : my personal favourite. My equivalent to the Birdman hand rub. Say some shit you think is just so swag and throw this in for girly emphasis and nonchalant superiority.

The Articulate Bitch

Weavie Wonder

Weave is one if those "public secrets" that we as people live with. We all know a weave when we see one, the mystery has been killed along with horses everywhere. So much comes along with this hair we so painstakingly purchase and sit for hours, withstanding pain, chemicals and heat to install. Laugh with me while I say all the things we know to be true about rocking and maintaining our crowning glory. 

Years ago, you were hot shit just for having in human hair. "Girl, I can flat iron AND wash this bad boy!" try that shit now and you'll be laughed right out of the conversation. Women are paying more than ever for high quality weaves. You know what I'm talking about. That virgin, remy hair all or favourite celebrity females are rocking has become the standard for a good weave. For hundreds of dollars per bundle, the shit better be. Nowadays you don't ask where a girl got her hair done or even where she bought it. You wanna know what country it's from. Indian, Brazilian, Malaysian... I can't help but picture scores of bald women scattered about the planet all in the name of our weaves. I'll admit though, this hair is fast becoming the be-all end-all in extensions. You definitely get what you pay for. 

Along with the virgin exotic hair trend has come a color trend I hadn't heard about since I graduated hair school a couple years ago. You know it as that color job that sort of looks like you let your roots grow all the way out: ombré. With good quality hair this shit looks bangin'. But more recently I've seen a few low budget, bootleg versions of this trend. Let me be the first to tell y'all what you should already know: throwing some 20" number 27 under 16" number 1B is NOT ombré. NICE TRY. Ombré is a COLOR JOB. Buying two colors of weave is not ombré my dear. 

Many dudes I know have said girls that wear weave are balding under it all. The sad thing is it's true!!! A girl will spend a stack on her weave and pay no attention to the fact her real hair is suffering, breaking and tearing out in chunks under that stack. Ew. Seriously, take a little time to give your hair a treatment, trim, shit do SOMETHING, but don't just say "fuck it" and let it go. I've been that way too, just worrying about my weave and not my natural hair, but when you want to do a nice ponytail with some bangs you kinda need some kind of hair of your own. Nawmsayin'?

Man, even Beyoncé herself told us to pat our weaves. Thats the queen, and even she knows sometimes you got that itch you just can't scratch somewhere among the tracks. It's like a mission to find the spot that's itching in that head of hair, but when you do.... Awww sheeeeit. I tell you that is the sweetest scratch in life. You know it's real when you pull out a pen or a tail comb to get it. A girl scratching her scalp is the happiest woman in that moment I promise you. That look of pain that transforms to a look of pure satisfaction about five seconds into it, eyes roll back or close, sometimes a moan or two escapes... It's so authentic. 

I've never been the type for wigs, but ol' girl Nicki has made the lace front the new standard for the adventurous female and her hair needs. Never before have girls (black girls primarily) had the opportunity to get so brave with their hair colors. Platinum blonde, pink, green, blue, orange and of course the fire engine red have become almost common. I don't know how much I can cosign the average chicks lookin' like a bag of skittles though. Some of y'all really need to just let Nicki be great with the colors and leave it alone. Not to perpetuate self-hate but for the life of me I can't figure out why it always seems to be the darkskin girls who wanna try this shit all the time. I'm talkin' midnight reincarnated with a turquoise lace front that reaches her ass. Really? I'm all for pushing the envelope but y'all makin' me wanna off my top with all these abominations of hair. 

Speaking of wigs... You know those braids you got underneath? Let's face it, you have nothing else to keep tight except those. There's no real excuse for having some fucked up, fuzzy straight backs under your wig. I laughed recently at a couple strippers beefing on twitter when one tweeted "make sure those straight backs under your wig are fresh". Man listen, if a bitch is gonna get her wig snatcher game on, you better have your shit together under that platinum blonde. 

Laziness is such a determining factor in wearing weave, it's a sin. A lazy girl will not be able to maintain that head for the life of her. These are those girls who won't even take the step of tying up their hair in the shower much less before bed. In my weave wearing prime, I wouldn't be caught dead without flat ironing my hair. Maintenance is so much more than putting in more oil sheen and brushing it out. C'mon ladies. Time to get it together. When you hair already smells like a hobos breath, feels like straw soaked in Pink Lotion, and looks like a stiff hair helmet, you gotta know it's time to take it out.  When your flat iron starts smoking up your bathroom uncontrollably that means one thing: there is entirely too much product of your hair. STOP ADDING MORE. Either wash that hair (which so few women do), or replace it. Stop thinking all it will take is more product and more heat. No.  Stale weave is not poppin', bad bitch. 

To the fellas, I know it's hard.  Fake hair, fake nails, fake lashes, fake ass, fake tits and all that makeup, all you want is a real bitch, right? Wish I could say it's all just a passing fad, but as you can see, it's only evolving to new heights. Kinda forces you to look at personality doesn't it? Ha!

Pat your weave ladies.

The Articulate Bitch

Club Chronicles pt.9

Like German for "hell no!" number NINE!

Maybe it's just me. Perhaps I'm the fucked up one. But some of y'all, especially niggaz,  need to stop brothering the DJ or MC to shout you or your click or your hood or even worse, your mixtape, on the mic. GET IT TOGETHER! If they aren't doing it voluntarily why do you think they would do it as a favor? That DJ and MC were hired to play music and amp the crowd not do free promo for the block and your used-as-a-coaster mixtape.  The worst part is that it's always the most irrelevant person making the request. I get it, you want popularity too. But this is certainly not the place to gain it. That's what the internet is for. Go back to spamming people on twitter or something. Beggin for shout outs? Stop this. It's highly pathetic. 

I'm getting real sick of this next one. Ladies; stop coming to the club with your man knowing that you're going to hold his hand and babysit him the whole night. These girls look sooooooo stupid trying to prove to anyone watching that this is their man. Sad sad sad. Girls out here acting like COs watching a prisoner during his yard time. Fuckin' BUGGIN! Release the leash you insecure bitch! He just wants to jump on a couch and turn up like the rest of us. Furthermore, he's not going to leave your side during the party anyway. What do you think is gonna happen? He's gonna cheat on you, right next to you? Chill the fuck out. That's why you're still looking uncomfortable and he's sliding me his number on the low (chuuuuuch to bar napkins). 

I have to giggle a little at this last one. Listen, I know that not everyone hits the club as often as I do. Maybe you're having a great time and wish you could do it more often, I don't know, but you new niggaz really gotta chill. Recording videos on your cell phone in the club? Of nothing in particular, just your booth and the crowd?  Really? That's how you feel? Tell me, what could this footage possibly be for? You're not a promoter, or DJ or MC. Matter of fact you don't work in the party industry at all. I'm a big believer in leaving what you see in the club, at the  Club. There's a reason we pose for pictures and pause our bad behaviour when the  cameras come around. We're intoxicated and flushing politeness along with our drunken puke. We're acting ratchet, doing things only excusable in the party. So YOU with your camera out just looks like an embarrassing WSHH video waiting to happen. Put that shit away!  I'm not tying to discourage people from partying but please, take a page from my book if you must. Phone away, drinks up, and turn up. Simple. Have fun and tell people the story, don't whip out your phone to show them the grainy, shaky, poorly lit video. 

The Articulate Bitch

Shoe-a-Cide: Top 5 Heels

High heels. The Holy Grail of fashion. A curse women everywhere gladly take on in the name of longer looking legs and a great ass. Over the years the style, and especially the height of these closet fillers has changed, but one thing has remained the same: there is nothing like a bitch in a BAD shoe. In no particular order, here are my top 5 picks.

1. We all know Christian Louboutin is one of the reigning gods of high heels. Nowadays your "bad bitch" status may be questioned if your soles ain't bloody. Let's face it, red bottoms have become a staple in the hip hop community now for both men and women. With so many options in heels and sneakers, flats and loafers, Louboutin has found new life through hip hop.

This right here is a bad mutha fucka. The Louboutin Daffodile. Take a moment to bask in the awesomeness of this sky high 160mm (that's about 6.3 inches) jaw dropper. Beyonce works the hell out of these crystal covered joints court side. Kim K (pre-Yeezy) was often seen in her staple black leather daffs. If you're thinking "I could never walk in those," think again. I'm more of a sneakers or combat boot girl (though I do LOVE a great heel), and I'll cosign that these are definitely one of the most comfortable heels. The platform itself is about 3 inches, making the 6.3 inch heel feel more like 4. The effect though... mind blowing. This is also probably one of the most copied, bootlegged and fugayzi-fied shoes out there. Ladies, don't play yourself. There is no such thing as a Louboutin with a $200 price tag. These gems of the shoe world cost racks. Well worth every penny if you ask me.

2. This next shoe is one of my absolute favourites. Another style that has been copied throughout the fashion world, and rightly so. The design itself is so innovative it's a definite neck breaker.

The Jeffrey Campbell Night Walk is a shoe that is clearly NOT for the faint of heart. With the inverted heel (I believe Nina Ricci began the trend in 2009) that stands at 6 1/2 inches with a 2 1/4 inch platform this shoe is surprisingly comfortable and YES easy to walk in. I've been more nervous walking in a regular stiletto vs this guaranteed eye catcher. Perhaps not for the more conservative woman, but the likes of tattoo artist, Kat Von D and Konvict recording artist Jefferee Star can often be spotted strutting around in these bad boys. The plus side is they come in a wide variety of colours (and even SPIKES...*drool*) and styles that range from the mary jane style (above), pumps and even and inverted heel version of the JC Lita (which I'll get to). So if you don't mind catching a few eyes and turning heads having people wonder "How the hell is she walking in those" these are the shoes for you.

3. Number three on the list is probably one of the most outrageous shoes I've seen recently. To rock this heel, you have to know you're going to have all eyes on your feet from the moment you step in the room. This here is NOT for a shy girl, BELIEVE me.

POW! Yes yes y'all. This here is the skeleton heel courtesy of Canadian identical twin design duo DSquared. This here is a show stopper. The designs of the shoes themselves are all very simple and classic which I think was a good move on their part considering how remarkable the heel ALONE is. Less is definitely more with these jawns. I'm into skulls, skeletons and such (a la Alexander McQueen) so it really was love at first sight when I first saw these. These shoes have a 1.5-2 inch platform and 4-5 inch heel which looks just like a spinal column. The shoes themselves come in only black white and brown, but style wise there are ankle boots, pumps, mary janes and a few others as well. Cam'ron's home girl JuJu just copped a pair. He posted he pic on Instagram and she looks great in them...

4. Another bloody sole on the list. Louboutin is known for being classic and timeless. If the Daffodile excited you, but perhaps the height scared you away, never fear.

Perfection, thy name is Altadama. This is the conservative fashionista's best friend. Suitable for any occasion. Whether dressed up in a gown red carpet style or dressed down in nude with a pair of jeans and a great bag, the Louboutin Altadama is one of the most verstile heels. With a 5.5 inch heel and 1.5 inch platform, this heel has a really cute peep toe to show off your pedicure. No hammer time heauxs allowed with this beauty. The likes of Kim K, the sexy Ms Berry, Black Swan lesbo Mila Kuniz and Mrs Cannon (Mariah Carey) have been caught shaming the competition in these classic heels.

5. Yves Saint Laurent has been making women feel sexy since Jesus was a bwoy (as my mother says). I first spotted this shoe on the drop dead gorgeousVictoria Beckham a while back and fell head over heels (no pun inteded) in love right away.

Another beautifully sexy yet classy heel. Yves Saint Laurent crafted this with love. The YSL Tribute Too High has a 4 inch heel and a 1.5 inch platform: super sexy. This shoe is for the expert heel walker though, I must say. It's not for uneven pavement, patios or interlocked walkways TRUST me. That lovely, skinny heel requires the floor you walk on to be as smooth and crack free as the woman wearing them. A nice variety of styles including sling backs, loafers and the classic pump. Yves has even done them in the some real paparazzi worthy colours and fabrics like red suede and pink ostritch. Bring on the red carpet.

Just remember, the key is in the walk. Not in the shoe. So strut confidently, because all eyes will be on your feet. *cue Fabolous You Be Killin' 'Em*

The Articulate Bitch

UPDATE: Light Skin People Fighting

Who needs gossip blogs when you live in the Screwface capital?

Day 2 of this whole CB vs Drizzy thing. I've done my due diligence and cruised the web looking to see what everyone else is saying, what new information is out, and what conclusion everyone has come to thus far. Does it matter? Only if you want to know what PRs and lawyers are saying. You wanna know what really happens in any fight you go to the skreeeeeeets...

I'm a T Dot girl to the death of me, and everyone knows Aubz is our most famous export (you're welcome/ we're sorry... depending on your opinion). So naturally, Toronto was buzzing like a wasps nest getting fucked with by someone's bad ass kids. By time I hit the club last night, I already had more info than most of these blogs combined. By the time I left the club... well, this is what I knew:

So, for one, Meek Mill DID NOT throw the bottle (neither did Drizzy, but we knew that). It seems that Mr Graham was expressing his dislike for Breezy to his entourage in the booth. Yes, he was sharing the booth with Juelz Sanatana, Meek Mill and Trav B, but they were involved ONLY by necessity when the brawl actually broke out. Rewind to Drake's whispers of discontent; his squad of niggaz, whoever they were, clearly weren't pleased with RiRi's ex after hearing their boy's complaints. So, like most goons we all know, the mean mugging began with CB's entourage. The exchange of glares, "Wuddup nigga?!" head nods, apparent gang signs being thrown up, and even a few not-so-polite words escalated and of course, various booth items began flying.

Breezy's bokkle notch came courtesy of Dizzy's camp. Point. Blank. Period. Any other injuries to innocent folks were pretty much unfortunate casualties of the war between the fair skinned fellas. Both sides fought, so both can be blamed for the damage, but the spark to this W.i.P brawl blunt can only be attributed to one side.

By now, we've all seen the picture of poor Hollie C, and Aussie tourist, who was an innocent bystander that caught a bottle to her head. She has since made a video asking "where's the justice in them walking away, driving off in limos while I had to catch the train home on one of my holidays?"... 16 stitches, hours in a hospital and you had to take the train home? Damn girl! Definitely feel her on that though. Glad she's alright. Side note: Has anyone heard from Big Pat???

On another note, it's being said that when Bad Gal RiRi heard about the brawl she uttered, "You've got to be fucking kidding me,". Yes, Rihanna, we all said the SAME thing.

There's the hood story from the T Dot skreets. I'll leave the rest to CB and Aubz's legal eagles... y'all on retainer, time to do y'all jobs.

The Articulate Bitch

UPDATE: When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

As expected this story just keeps getting more convoluted and mixxy mixxy..... here go the updates:

According to sources, the only thing Aubz was chuckin' last night was the deuces. Apparently he was already on his way out when the mix up and blen blen occurred. Can't say I'm surprised at these new details. Drake really isn't the beef type. So who was the culprit?

Apparently it was Meek or his camp (no, I don't know if it was a Hennessy bottle). Folks are saying that Meek and Drizzy were chillin' in the same booth at the party, which may explain where the confusion came from. Apparently a shouting match started between Drizzy and Chris, shit got real rowdy real quick and involved some of their associates as well, which resulted in the bottle tossery. Did I mention 5 or six other people were injured?! Holy shit........

Oh, and the same source says, the argument was NOT about RiRi at all ( I don't know how much I believe that considering she is the only common thread we can see so far, and especially after the Tweetgram Meek posted) and that Chris hadn't sent bottles over to Aubz so....

 Bye Rihanna!

The Articulate Bitch

Rihanna: Real Nigga Update

I HAD TO! DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING TOO!

Rihanna!!!! WA WE SEH?!

Pum Pum Tun Up ?

The Articulate Bitch

Light Skin People Fighting

I don't do gossip.... y'all know this. But WOOOOOOOOOO.....

... check it out. Yup, that is none other than our favourite reformed woman beater Chris Breezy, with a clear bokkle notch taken out of his chin by none other than YMCMB golden boy, Drake (yeah, I know).

The story so far: Seems that there has been a bit of tension between the two yella bone niggaz, over my bitch RiRi since the whole "Beat 'Em Down Brown" incident. There have been rumours for quite some time that Drake was tappin' that, which he obviously denied. Apparently Breezy, in an attempt to take the high road, sent a couple bottles of bubbly over to Aubz's booth. A nice gesture, right? Well, Mr.Graham's inner nigga wasn't having it, because folks are saying he sent the bottles back to Chris with a note saying:

"I'm fucking the love of your life, deal with it," ooooooooooh SNAP!

Of course, we're assuming by 'love of your life' he was referring to Bad Gal Riri.

Breezy hopped on twitter, of course, soon after the brawl spittin' some pretty authentic shit:

"Niggaz is throwing bottles?! Y'all niggaz is weak!"
"Bottles? LOL"
"Niggaz is pussy."
"How you party with a rich nigga that hate? Throwing bottles like girls? #shameonya"

Word on these twitter skreets is Drizzy hid in the bathroom afterward (That part I believe), that MMG hot spitta Meek Mill was involved (DAMN RIRI!) and had been pressin' Chris at Drake's side. It was even said that it was, in fact, one of Meek Mill's homies had thrown the bottle. The promoter of the event took to twitter too, cussing him [Meek] out (she's since deleted the tweets).

What happened between the bottles being sent back and the bottles being thrown? Well, that is yet to be discovered, but either way seems pretty clear what the end result was:

These niggaz left the club looking like a turnt up Thursday night in Toronto after a booth brawl and pepper spray. Tables flipped, drinks, bottles and buckets spilled everywhere. Oh, dear.

Seems like Chris' bodyguard "Big Pat" was definitely doing his job, he caught it:

And just in case you wanted to know how Meek Mill feels:

YEAH.

I'm gonna sit back and watch this thing play out, y'all stick with me... and someone put extra butter on my popcorn please.

The Articulate Bitch

Kim K: Real Nigga Update

My bitch Kim Kardash does it again with her inner real nigganess.

While folks were camping out, lining up, selling line spots on craigslist and entering raffles for the much anticipated Yeezy II sneakers, it should have come as no surprise that this picture popped up on my Instagram feed:

Yup *kanye voice*, Kim and Kanye in their His & Hers Yeezy swag. Sneaker-head couples everywhere weep for their collections. Suddenly having matching Cement 3's just doesn't seem like enough *tosses Jordan box in corner*.

In other real nigga Kim news, we all know Kanye's birthday just passed. I wondered too, what does one get for the reigning king of the assholes? Apparently this:

SON..... the whip costs $750 racks. Mercy is right.... You gotta admire the gesture. She knows her man like any good friend/girlfriend should. Nothing like a thoughtful gift, especially if it is 3/4 of a million dollars. Penny for your thoughts turnt up.

The Articulate Bitch

Back To The Kitchen

So I'm sitting in a room with all females while game one between OKC and Miami begins. Are any of us amped? Well, no. Not really anyway. Trap and I only fuck with the Lakers, so we're really only tuned in to see the demise of the Miami Heat. Everyone else could care less. But between shots, fast breaks, missed dunks and a few questionable facial expressions from Christina Bosh, we're checking our timelines on twitter.

Every time another sport begins nearing the final championship games the same thing happens on social feeds everywhere. On BBM, Facebook and Twitter especially, fake female sports fans crawl their dim witted selves out of the woodwork, and embarrass the rest of us proud pussy owning ball watchers.

Some of the comments and tweets are just so uneducated, stupid, moronic and utterly repulsive I think I may have puked in my mouth a little bit. I've seen some of these girls try to save themselves after stupid comments by saying that they did it on purpose. Excuse me while I roll my eyes at you silly hoes. Either way, that shit is mad pathetic. Because either you're trying to sound like a wifey type by being into sports or you're begging for RTs by tweeting stupid shit.

The Wannabe Wifey Type is one of the worst. She wants to get the attention of dudes by appearing to share their interests so she tweets non stop during the games, mostly shit she picks up from other people on her timeline. Tweeting shit like "OKC gonna beat the Thunder in this game"... "What's Durrant's last name?"... bitch, are you RETARDED? And honestly, in the age of Google, what excuse could you have for being so totally and completely inept? I'm not claiming to be the prize female who knows everything there is to know about the game, but at the very least I don't try to fake the funk about it either. Lakers have been my team since before I knew the rules of the game so yes I'm a fan, yes I'm a Laker girl and yes, it's still Laker Nation fah-eva. There's no pretending involved here.

The redeemers are a whole other thing. They tweet some shit they know nothing about and then when their mentions get slaughtered (mostly by black twitter) they get majorly embarrassed and claim that they said it on purpose. Okay, so now you're just begging for attention. How masochistic is it to subject yourself to mention suicide on twitter? Like seriously. That shit is entirely too pathetic.

Band Wagon bitches are like band wagon niggaz turnt up. Band wagon bitches will cheer for whichever team gets the most love on their timeline at any given moment, or whoever the guy of their current obsession is a fan of. They go so far as to switch teams with him when his original gets swept. Thing is you may not really notice it until the finals. And we all know by then it's already far too late, because this girl has now become so annoying there is no way to redeem the situation.

Championship games have a way of making every dude on my timeline a pack of uber assholes. I don't know what it is, but sports bring out the inner passion that is unheard of in any man. In these times of passion, dudes on my list say some misogynistic shit that would have feminists everywhere burning bras courtside, chanting pro-woman mumbo jumbo. I see a lot of "bitch get back in the kitchen. NOW." or "ladies shut up, sports are for men,". One second, gotta yawn. Yeah, I get it. Girls get super annoying when it's sports time. They wanna watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians and you wanna watch the finals. They don't understand sports, they don't watch, they know nothing about it and end up sounding like air heads when they try to get involved. But let's not forget that there are exceptions to this concept. There are girls who actually DO know a thing or two so don't be so quick to throw us all under the bus.

So ladies, while I certainly advocate taking the time to learn and share interests, you may just need to understand that sports are the one area he doesn't want you to get involved in. During regular season games, just sit quietly and watch the game with him. Maybe if you actually pay attention you might learn something. But GIRL! LEAVE HIM TO HIS HOMIES FOR THE FINALS!!!!!!!!! The frustration and tension is so serious he will undoubtedly take some of it out on you. You won't know how to brush it off, you're gonna want to 'talk about it' which he won't because the game is STILL on, and then you'll sulk and be moody for hours after the game has ended. It's not even that serious, he isn't even actually mad, but you took it so seriously that now YOU'RE the mad one. That's why women, boyfriends and sports don't mix. I watch season games with my boos, but the finals are for me and my niggaz/bitches.

That's how it goes. For the sanity of all those involved.

The Articulate Bitch

Club Chronicles pt.8

Crazy 8! Let's go!

To the fellas who haven't quite figured out what is appropriate 'club attire' let me shine my ignorant ass blogging spotlight on you. Firstly, you have no excuse for showing up to a club you PLANNED to attend wearing something that violates dress code. You knew better and if you didn't, perhaps you should have taken a note from your homies when you saw them show up draped up and dripped out. Generally speaking you shouldn't have on a fitted or snap-back. Most clubs just don't do the hat thing, whether the dress code is relaxed or not. Don't whine and complain at the door because the bouncer told you to ditch your Toronto Blue Jays fitted. They don't care if it matches your Air Max sneakers perfectly. Stop ringing off your promoter friend's phone telling him to come to the door to cosign your outfit choice. It's a hassle that is NOT part of their job. Nine times out of ten they don't even care for you to be there, but you told them you were gonna buy bottles. Secondly, and on the opposite end of the spectrum are the dudes who overdress for the club. There's a guy I know who comes to the club looking like he might stop the music and grab the mic to preach a sermon at any moment. Unless specified as a formal event, leave the three piece suit and tie at home. You look silly, and guaranteed you will be leaving with your niggaz... sans bitches. Guess we know who ain't getting no pussy tonight. *kanye voice*

I have to specify before I say this that I have NO IDEA who the females involved are. So I'm breaking the seal in the bathroom last night, and two girls walk in talking loud as fuck complaining about the party. Mind you it was still pretty early, I had only pre-drank at this point. I'm used to hearing people complain at parties when it's early, since no one is drunk and awesome, the party hasn't turnt up yet. But while I'm taking my hand towel from the bathroom attendant the topic of their complaints switches up to something like this:

Thing 1: "I'm never coming here again."
Thing 2: "I know! There is all balls up there."
Thing 1: "Like *flips synthetic lace front over shoulder* where are all the girls?"
Thing 2: "Clubs in Atlanta and Miami are never like this! The guys are all so cheap here. In ATL I would have been drunk by now. Dudes line up to buy girls bottles in MIA and ATL..... blaaaaaaah blaaaaaaaah blaaaaaah"

Now, I've spoken about dudes not buying girls drinks before. Chivalry is dead in Toronto. Not because we have no manners here, the culture here is just different. We're called the screwface capital for a reason. Furthermore I have never seen these girls before, but you can't be unknown and swagless complaining about bottles that you claim to get in other cities. Who bought you a bottle in MIA? Did you go to Liv wearing that maxi dress you bought from Urban Planet (for my US readers, that's like Rainbow) and your EMPTY speedy? Don't come to the party to complain about shit not bein like it is in the states. If its so terrible not having these phantom bottle buyers in Toronto, MAYBE you should take you and your superiority complex back to ATL or MIA.

Sunday was a great party night for me. I stood on the mini stage with Trap and turnt up the whole night. But as we were doing the money dance trying not to spill Hennessy on the people in the booths below us, I look around and the crowded club and notice a shit load of people just standing. Which makes me wonder, why in the name of 2 Chainz anyone would take the effort to come to the club to be bored. What's your excuse? I hate hearing "I'm bored" when I'm drunk going ham to trap music. WHY are you bored? Is it because you came to the party with the wrong people? Nothing sours a night like party pooper friends. Or is it be because you're sober as fuck and last call just passed you by? Whatever the reason is, instead of pouting in a corner, declaring to anyone who will listen that "this is why I don't party", why don't you make the best out of the night and try to have fun? And if you can't just cut he malarkey fam. Take the sulking to your crib and leave us partying mother fuckers to our awesomeness.

The Articulate Bitch

Why Amber Rose is a Real Nigga

I'm so ready for the controversy that may follow this one.  

Amber and I have this imaginary relationship (that I have formed using my vivid imagination and general day-dreaming tendencies) which has taken us through ups and downs. But, I'm back in love with my bald shorty again. And I want y'all to understand why I see Amber Rose as a real nigga. 

Now, Pre-Kanye I wondered who the hot white girl with the bald head was in that Luda video. Some time later I'm cruising the Internet and who do I see on the arm of one of my favourite assholes? My first reaction: SWAG! This girl is fucking beautiful and dresses her ass off. Rarely do I not like what she's wearing, especially recently. She's able to pull off just about anything being as gorgeous as she is. Tom boy style with sneakers, a fitted and a wood Jesus piece, no problem. Floor length bright red ball gown? Bring it on. Let's not forget how amazing she looks in her birthday suit... But we'll get to that. 

In love, his girl is a shining example of dedication to a relationship. I've said it before, folks have told me what an absolute sweetheart this girl is. Seeing how she was with Mr West and now as Mrs Khalifa, I respect and admire her bravery in love and to love again. She seems like the type of girlfriend/wife to enjoy just being in the same room as her lover. Can't hate on her one bit for that. 

I love her boldness and honesty as well. When we still knew nothing about Ms Rose, pictures began popping up of her with another girl (albeit a clear butch). In an interview she eloquently stated that she's not concerned with gender, but with love and what the heart wants. Granted, hearing that Amber Rose was bisexual had dicks everywhere hard, but it didn't come across as a publicity stunt or cry for attention. Truthfully she wouldn't have needed to at the time anyway. 

Then came the stripper thing. Many people were sort of up in arms about it. God only knows why, but I digress. At the time Amber was seen as nothing more than a video vixen and arm candy, which made me wonder why her being a stripper previously was any shock.  At any rate, the big deal about her last career blew over fairly quickly. She may have even opened doors for the popularity of certain adult entertainment engineers. I've never seen so many stripper celebrities before her. 

Aprés Kanye, Amber started doing a lot on her own as far as building herself up. She was getting booked everywhere for appearances (including my lovely city), signed a modeling contract with an elite agency and began working with Vintage Frames company on campaigns (Behind Her Shades ... Trouser Snake). Home girl puts in mucho work!

More controversy raised its ugly head when nudes of her leaked (again?) and were rapidly copied and pasted across the web. The problem? Well, by this time she was deep in it with Wiz, it just wasn't looking good. Even I wondered how she was gonna get herself outta this one. But once again with grace she did her damage control. Coming out of it fairly unscathed. But let's be honest, those pics were great. I STILL have them saved and I have no intentions of parting ways with my Amber nudes (sorry Ambs, but if I can't see it in person I'm gonna hold onto hope... And those pics).

So what am I saying? I'm saying here's a sweet girl who has been called every hoe-like name, loved, lost, loved again, worked her amazing ass off, set a trend for bald blonde light skin girls everywhere, and has remained relevant without the aid of a boyfriend with a smile on her face despite sand thrown in her eyes time and time again. 

It takes a special kind of person to gain popularity from their love life and not be destroyed when it ends. Only a strong person can have their wet and squishy bits plastered all over the Internet and still smile on a red carpet. And only Amber Rose can inhale that much bleach fumes and still remain an example of a determined as fuck female. Salute. 

The Articulate Bitch

Wicked Games

I am far less than pleased with a few select gentleman right now. Some I have personal vendettas against, others are friends or friends of friends who I see screwing up royally. 

We all know that love (...or lack thereof) can be a game. Some of us are willing participants, others are simply unsuspecting victims.  This game is serious, the consequences and results are so real. Follow me on this. 

My story, long story short version: meet this guy who claims to have been crushing for quite some time, one of those "I've seen you many times before", admiring from afar types. We start chit chatting, he expresses how intense his feelings are toward me. Two weeks later he drops this honesty bomb on me that he "sort of has a girl". I don't know how you can "sort of" do that but whatever. He claims a couple things: that it's not that serious, that it's complicated and that he is "afraid of losing" me. 

Now, he is what I call a Points Keeper. This guy thinks that his honesty will save him regardless of the fact that he is clearly wrong in the situation. Bring up any objection to a Points Keeper and all they will do is try to convince you that you are somehow obligated to respect him and deal with shit you don't like simply because he was honest with you. I appreciate an honest man, perhaps more than the average girl would or should. So I'd be a damn liar if I said I didn't continue talking to him after he mushroom clouded my entire love life. But I went from playing the game with him to letting him play me and therefore playing myself. "But Jamz, you've been a side chick before. What's so different this time?" Simple. I already caught feelings for this guy. Successful side chickism involves you NOT catching feelings for someone whose feelings you can only have a portion of. That is the height of playing yourself. You set yourself up for nothing but disappointment. Not bout that life. Not gonna be his second girlfriend, while he is boyfriend to only one. No. No side chickism on this one. 

Second is the leader. He is often the guilty culprit in Lonely Girl Relationship. His game is making every girl (though sometimes just one) feel like she is the only one in his life. This guy is smart. He knows not to shit where he eats or piss where he sleeps. He will do everything in his power to maintain his relationship's problem-free appearance, while continuing scandalous and often reprehensible behavior with other women on the side. The good part about the leader is that, even though he is clearly wrong for his infidelity, he is the type to keep his indiscretions in check. He won't allow his fun to ever fuck with his home life. He knows what he needs, and always maintains good standing there. What he wants is fleeting and he knows this. Priorities in check. Still an asshole. 

Next on the roster is the Joker. This guy takes nothing seriously. If you are ever hurt by a Joker, it's definitely your fault. The Joker has no ties to any one woman so he does what he wants with all of them. He's the NORE type, with a chick for each day. He's sometimes sweet and romantic and downright charming, drawing you in with a cute face  and stellar smile. He will continue to take you for a ride as long as you let him, never claiming to love you, and often letting it be known that you are not the only one with small sometimes unnoticeable actions. The classic "I'm at my home girl's house" line is a good indicator. If he pulls out that line when answering his phone around you, and y'all BEEN fucking... Well. Sorry girl. He's called the Joker because no particular girl is taken seriously until he is fully ready to do so. So while you're stressing, chain smoking, pulling out your virgin Indian weave and crying into pillows over this guy, he's wondering.... Why so serious?

The rookie is next on our list. This guy is new to the game, he's been riding the bench for a while. He might have been in a long-term relationship and now has a sour taste in his mouth leaving him bitter toward women (yes, this happens to men too), so now he's been released upon the world to wreak havoc on any unsuspecting pussy he comes across. You always know a rookie when you encounter then because they are overly callous, sometimes downright rude. On the other hand, he may also treat you great sometimes and horrible the next 'cause he's still trying to control the old boyfriend habits that won't die. Many Jokers are rookies who have slaughtered their emotions in the name of revenge against the female race. 

Lastly, the Playerette. Yup. Just like the name states, this here is the lady player, the most feared among all players on the roster. It's been said for years that women cheat better/smarter than men. The Playerette is a man eating machine. She's sexy, smart and deceptive. She's skilled in the art of seduction and knows all the right buttons to press. She is feared because she is often not identifiable until she's already successful. Women are instinctually sweet, emotional, nurturing and affectionate. So it's hard to know if the things she does with you are exclusive to you. Simple fact is, she gets close because she's a female and covers her tracks because she, unlike other women, has an understanding of the man's mind. She knows you're going to check her phone, so things are deleted or hidden. She knows how to apologize sweetly to get you off her back. She knows how to keep you where she wants you. You will know nothing she doesn't tell you. Scary bitch. I know. 

Victims are those who find themselves involved with these people. They are the innocent bystanders getting swept in the love life playoffs. Unprepared, unsuspecting and often naive, victims often get traded to rosters like these after enough losing games. Who can blame them? 

The problem with this game is that it takes such a detrimental toll on both parties. One is left hurt and confused and the other is left not knowing how to maintain a healthy relationship.  Retired players are often the ones who have learned all the lessons and know what to do to actually be good to someone since learning the errors of their ways.  The problem comes in when all they encounter are reminders of who they used to be. Now they have no one to blame because they now have to learn to love the monsters they've created. 

Congratulations to the Doctor Frankesteins of the world.

The Articulate Bitch

YMCMB vs Hot 97

It's wrapping up as I type away at this moment. 

We have all heard the stories from ghosts of Summer Jam past, the drama, the surprises, the beef! This year did not disappoint. 

The story I got via twitter and the 2 + 2 theory: Peter Rosenberg, who works for Hot 97 said Nicki Minaj's song Starships was trash. Nicki, who was headlining Summer Jam didn't take the comment too well and ranted a bit on twitter. Lil Wayne added his two cents and declared that Young Money would not be doing Summer Jam. Tyga didn't get the memo in time and performed half his set before someone clued him in. Irrelevant ass J Millz tweeted some shit like ".. I saw the tweet, so that's that". Yeah, cuz we were all amped to see you perform. 

Nicki had tweeted the long list of big name performers she was going to bring out which left many wondering what this would turn out like. Surprisingly (then perhaps not) the entire concert continued without a hitch. All the guests promised still came out, with only Young Moneyites noticeably absent. 

So, time for the real. What Nicki SHOULD have done was perform anyway and diss Rosenberg live on stage. Summer Jam is just ratchet enough to allow that spectacle. She should've snatched the mic and did the entire concert like real bitch Nicki from the Come Up DVD. Nicki copped the fuck out saying she was respecting Wayne's wishes. That's cool Nicki. It's Whatevz. 

Also, Summer Jam is kind of a hood event. They bring out every nigga/ bitch making waves in music. It's a mixtape/ underground artists playground. All the niggaz that are on their tracks and remixes are in attendance. And old favorites are always brought back. It's a phenomenon. That being said, it isn't necessarily the best platform for commercial artists. YMCMB exemplifies commercial hip hop. They're hip-pop. It's sugar coated, censor friendly, pop/rock/dance feature having, video worthy, top forty bubble gum rap. Is there anything wrong with it? No, but it's a genre to itself at this point. Young Money doesn't suit the Hot 97 crowd he way they each did BEFORE Young Money. The irony. 

Lastly, Funk Master Flex, the king of the broken chill button, has said he's dedicating himself to ending Nicki Minaj (not in those words exactly... But DAMN similar).  Stating his dislike for commercial music and even saying that she's in for more disappointing record sales in the future after this incident. Flex don't play. But we ALL knew that. 

I personally can't wait to see how this ends. *gets popcorn* keep your eye on these twitter skreets!

The Articulate Bitch

Club Chonicles pt7

Lucky number seven. Shimmy. 

When entering the clubesphere, there are roles, jobs, positions and rules governing them all. DJs are not generally promoters, promoters are not photographers, etc. This is a very general 'Stay In Your Lane' warning. Stop grabbing for the mic when you're a no name with a back pocket full of flyers. Stop draping the photographer by his camera strap to delete pics you don't like. If it's not your job don't do it. People are designated into their roles for a reason. Basically.... chill the fuck out. 

Hood niggaz that come to the club only on special occasions or random outings are the single most entertaining group of people I have ever witnessed. Oh my days, they are so funny. They're one of two types. There's the quiet in a corner, schemin' with a bottle in their hand and way too much jewelry on with a blunt in their other hand type. Then, my personal favourite, the rowdy, too drunk, YOLO lookin' ass nigga. This dude is always fucked all the way up, probably still has a bottle in his hand, slapping the walls, jumping on couches, scream-rapping all the songs and roughly grabbing at hot girls in tight dresses. There is no controlling this guy. He almost always starts an argument or full on fight, pisses somewhere he shouldn't and pukes the memory of the night somewhere he'll have to clean it up from before court in the morning. 

I spend a fair amount of my party time in DJ booths getting hype, and it never fails, there's always someone bothering the DJ or bothering the emcee for something. With  the DJ it's usually some prick who thinks this is the perfect time to request a song. DJs have SETS. They have a list and order of songs they intend on playing. Generally if an artist happens to walk into the venue, the DJ will play one of their songs, but rarely do DJs stray from their set to play anything unplanned. This ain't the request line, we partying right now. Call Flow for that shit. Then there are those niggaz who poke and prod the emcee to say some shit on the mic. Listen, we came to hear music, we don't even really wanna hear the emcee chat too much. So stop askin' him to plug your wack party, or to shout out your hood. The only acceptable exception is birthday shout outs. That is all. 

Oh, and for the record: the cranberry fiasco was corrected last Wednesday. I stumbled home quite contently. 

The Articulate Bitch

The Lonlely Girl Relationship

Lonely girls, we like to think, are those who have far too much time without a man or friends to occupy their time. They get annoying real quick cuz they tend to do nothing but feel sorry for themselves. But many girls are surrounded by loved ones and still play the lonely role. Many of these girls are in relationships, lonely ones. Don't get it? You will. 

Lonely girl relationships are usually the result of a reluctant man who enjoys the IDEA of having a girl on hand, but isn't all too thrilled with the concept of a relationship. He does just enough to keep her around but not enough to make himself feel guilty for leading her on. Is he an asshole? Probably, but she's also a dummy for putting up with it. Most guys who do this don't hide it very well, or at all in some cases. 

Lonely girls tend to be slightly if not completely delusional and oblivious to the reality of their relationship. They're the type to cry like children to their friends and ask why they deserve to be treated in such a way. Their friends normally have become accustomed to being the shoulders to cry on because this happens frequently. There's always some sort of problem, argument, issue that she calls them with. They've probably given her advice on advice on advice and home girl hits them with the "but you don't understand, I LOVE HIM," line EVERY TIME. So they've all taken vows of silence, refusing to tell her anything, knowing she won't listen. 

Lonely girls are usually the type to place their partner on a pedestal. They act like there is no life without this person. Now, I am all for love, being the hopeless romantic that I am.  But my inner realist knows that there is a serious dependence issue with being unable to function without another person. Lonely girls are bored to tears within an hour of being without their partner. That's when you peep the "All alone... So bored without HIM" tweets and status updates. Hey, lonely girls, FYI all us normal folks think that shit is hella pathetic. Get it together. 

This is not commentary on LOVE. This is commentary on delusion and dependence. Your world should not revolve around any one person who is not your child. As a female I feel the need to stress that no man should ever be what completes you but what compliments you. Furthermore, if the person you're with doesn't obsess the way you do, perhaps some reevaluation is in order.  When you make someone your everything, once they're gone you're left with nothing. 

Love is not obsession, it's passion. Obsession blinds people, passion guides them. Yeah yeah obsession is an expression of passion but that shit is for the crazies. 

The Articulate Bitch

No Boyfriend of Mine

This is meant to be funny, but I'm dead serious. Yes, I will acknowledge that some dudes are exceptions. But these are still my rules beeeeeeitch. 

No boyfriend of mine:

1. Will wear a True Religion strap-back hat. I hate them. There is nothing cool about them. Matter of fact, that shit is reserved strictly for the euro-trash types and Asians. When have flex-fit hats EVER been cool for niggaz? This goes for them Polo shits too. I am just NOT fuckin' with the strap backs with the bent beaks. No! Fuck outta here. Just because it's True Religion does NOT mean it looks good. Stop that shit. 

2. Will wear baggy pants. There is no negotiating this WHATSOEVER. The 90s are over. Thank you. 

3. Will play Nicki Minaj. I had an incident where I was in a vehicle and a nigga legitimately started bumping Pink Friday. Needless to say I felt very uncomfortable. Female rappers are kinda reserved for bitches. I'm not saying dudes can't appreciate her but don't be rapping verses. 

4. Will smoke weed without the ability to roll his own. I'm sorry, but I pride myself on my roll game. I smoke everyday. This shit is sacred. Under no circumstances should I have to roll EVERY time we smoke together. This dude I used to fuck with a couple years couldn't roll to save his life and refused to learn. I uses to HATE being stoned as fuck having to summon the strength to roll again cuz this nigga clearly wasn't bout that life. 

5. Will be a tattoo virgin. Seems superficial, but my reasoning is perfectly sound, I assure you. I'm not exclusively attracted to tatted guys but I do prefer them. For one, obviously we have that in common. Second, when it comes time to get serious and meet parents, there is no shock or surprise. I can't have the 'why did you do that?' convo. And besides, tattoos are sexy. 

6. Will listen to Lil B or Soulja Boy. I can't stress this enough. I just can't partake. I'm tired of people trying so hard to convince me these two are worth listening to. All I hear is "Soulja Boy is rich and Lil B is a genius" yeah whatever. *yawn* When I hear them rap I feel my brain liquefying and turning into mush. It's quite unpleasant. 

Of course there are things like personality and finances that matter but those are obvious. Sometimes we need to look at the little things too. Y'dig.

The Articulate Bitch