So I'm sitting in a room with all females while game one between OKC and Miami begins. Are any of us amped? Well, no. Not really anyway. Trap and I only fuck with the Lakers, so we're really only tuned in to see the demise of the Miami Heat. Everyone else could care less. But between shots, fast breaks, missed dunks and a few questionable facial expressions from Christina Bosh, we're checking our timelines on twitter.
Every time another sport begins nearing the final championship games the same thing happens on social feeds everywhere. On BBM, Facebook and Twitter especially, fake female sports fans crawl their dim witted selves out of the woodwork, and embarrass the rest of us proud pussy owning ball watchers.
Some of the comments and tweets are just so uneducated, stupid, moronic and utterly repulsive I think I may have puked in my mouth a little bit. I've seen some of these girls try to save themselves after stupid comments by saying that they did it on purpose. Excuse me while I roll my eyes at you silly hoes. Either way, that shit is mad pathetic. Because either you're trying to sound like a wifey type by being into sports or you're begging for RTs by tweeting stupid shit.
The Wannabe Wifey Type is one of the worst. She wants to get the attention of dudes by appearing to share their interests so she tweets non stop during the games, mostly shit she picks up from other people on her timeline. Tweeting shit like "OKC gonna beat the Thunder in this game"... "What's Durrant's last name?"... bitch, are you RETARDED? And honestly, in the age of Google, what excuse could you have for being so totally and completely inept? I'm not claiming to be the prize female who knows everything there is to know about the game, but at the very least I don't try to fake the funk about it either. Lakers have been my team since before I knew the rules of the game so yes I'm a fan, yes I'm a Laker girl and yes, it's still Laker Nation fah-eva. There's no pretending involved here.
The redeemers are a whole other thing. They tweet some shit they know nothing about and then when their mentions get slaughtered (mostly by black twitter) they get majorly embarrassed and claim that they said it on purpose. Okay, so now you're just begging for attention. How masochistic is it to subject yourself to mention suicide on twitter? Like seriously. That shit is entirely too pathetic.
Band Wagon bitches are like band wagon niggaz turnt up. Band wagon bitches will cheer for whichever team gets the most love on their timeline at any given moment, or whoever the guy of their current obsession is a fan of. They go so far as to switch teams with him when his original gets swept. Thing is you may not really notice it until the finals. And we all know by then it's already far too late, because this girl has now become so annoying there is no way to redeem the situation.
Championship games have a way of making every dude on my timeline a pack of uber assholes. I don't know what it is, but sports bring out the inner passion that is unheard of in any man. In these times of passion, dudes on my list say some misogynistic shit that would have feminists everywhere burning bras courtside, chanting pro-woman mumbo jumbo. I see a lot of "bitch get back in the kitchen. NOW." or "ladies shut up, sports are for men,". One second, gotta yawn. Yeah, I get it. Girls get super annoying when it's sports time. They wanna watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians and you wanna watch the finals. They don't understand sports, they don't watch, they know nothing about it and end up sounding like air heads when they try to get involved. But let's not forget that there are exceptions to this concept. There are girls who actually DO know a thing or two so don't be so quick to throw us all under the bus.
So ladies, while I certainly advocate taking the time to learn and share interests, you may just need to understand that sports are the one area he doesn't want you to get involved in. During regular season games, just sit quietly and watch the game with him. Maybe if you actually pay attention you might learn something. But GIRL! LEAVE HIM TO HIS HOMIES FOR THE FINALS!!!!!!!!! The frustration and tension is so serious he will undoubtedly take some of it out on you. You won't know how to brush it off, you're gonna want to 'talk about it' which he won't because the game is STILL on, and then you'll sulk and be moody for hours after the game has ended. It's not even that serious, he isn't even actually mad, but you took it so seriously that now YOU'RE the mad one. That's why women, boyfriends and sports don't mix. I watch season games with my boos, but the finals are for me and my niggaz/bitches.
That's how it goes. For the sanity of all those involved.
The Articulate Bitch
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