This topic scared me away for a long time. Honestly it's just so touchy, and people are already so set in their mindset that it's very hard to present new perspectives to them. The thing with the subject of body count is this; we've already been conditioned with a double standard that doesn't allow us to change our views. Well, I'm about to dive into this shit head first. Keep an open mind and bear with me.
First off, what is a 'body count'? When not in reference to the amount of murders one has committed, 'body count' refers to the amount of sexual partners one has acquired throughout their sexual career.
For men, body count isn't a concern. Double standard allows men to have as high a body count as they please. There is no stigma attached to being a promiscuous male, although real-nigganess would HAVE to come into play (I mean, where are your standards if you're fucking EVERYONE?). Asking a dude his body count is almost always just a matter of curiosity. Truth is, the answer, no matter how high, nearly never matters to a girl. Personally, if I'm asking it's because I want to know how sexually responsible a dude is. Another thing to consider is that many dudes have lost count, so you're not guaranteed to get an honest or accurate number regardless. On the opposite end of the spectrum is a dude with a surprisingly low body count. Most of the time I find myself calling them liars or wondering if they can even fuck at all.
Now for us women, body count is an actual source of contention. We have to concern ourselves with opinion because that's what double standard has taught us. Our body counts are supposed to be low as per the lock and key scenario (a key that opens every lock is a master key, a lock that any key can open is a shitty lock). The problem is there's no defined number for an acceptable body count. So where one dude has said "I want a girl with a less than 10 body count" another dude is happier with a girl who has more experience. Asking a girl her body count opens a can of worms in most cases. You open yourself up to being lied to, or dissatisfied, or shocked, or disappointed. Most girls do lie about their body count. It's much easier to maintain the respect of a dude if your body count appears more 'acceptable'. The honest chick with the higher count, bless her heart, has to now listen to this dude fake-accept her count. "There's nothing wrong with that," gee, thanks. Asking the question alone implies that you care about that number, and of you care that means you're likely to judge this girl based on that number. Don't think it's that serious? Well, maybe not but that's the subconscious thought that passes through a girl's head when the question comes up.
Another aspect of this topic is the 'birds of a feather' rule. Generally speaking heaux are friends with other heaux. Why? That seems obvious. People who have things in common always draw together. However, this is not always true for groups of people and sexual history. I have friends with body counts like mine, lower and higher as well. Same goes for my male hoe friends, many of their friends don't have body counts like theirs. I'm not going to tell anyone not to judge on body count. That seems obvious to me. I have male friends who are bonafied hoes with triple digit body counts, whom no one calls a bad name, and female friends with body counts less than 5. Neither of them are any less awesome.
So what's the word? In my opinion, body count shouldn't even be brought into conversation with someone you're going to have sex with. The truth is, it doesn't indicate any concrete fact about someone. If you liked someone before you knew how many people they fucked, why does their body count matter? And if all you wanted to do was fuck them, it should matter even less. Fact is, we're all grown. So what? We've been having sex before meeting the person we want to spend the rest of our sex-filled nights with. Hate on a body count all you want, at the very least the sex is more likely to be better with someone with more notches on their belt.
Mine? I'm double digits.
The Articulate Bitch
Thursday 24 May 2012
Side Chick Confidential
Lately I've noticed a lot of talk on twitter about side chicks, and what responsibilities and expectations there are for one. I've seen the side chick slandered and virtually flogged by massa's riding the moral high horse. Well here comes captain save-a-heaux....
The side chick, the enemy of monogamous relationships everywhere. Let's clarify really quickly: a one-time infidelity with a female does NOT a side chick make. A side chick is a continuous relationship outside of your official one.
There are so many angles to this. Firstly, it is NOT the side chick's moral dilemma. SHE is not cheating on anyone. She is wrong ONLY if she has a moral obligation to the main chick (friend, family member, coworker etc). She is simply an accessory to fuckery. She's enabling him to carry on his adultery. But this does not make the problem hers. Let's not talk respect. Respect would be him NOT having the side chick in the first place. Keeping shorty around past the first fuck to satisfy whatever need or fill whatever void is his choice. Side chick need only concern herself with him and what he wants/needs from her and what she's gaining from the relationship.
Secondly, side chicks need to know their role. You are NOT his girlfriend. He is NOT your boyfriend. If he told you he loves you, he's lying, the box was just good. You don't get dinners at restaurants and movie dates like wifey does, because you do not exist. You are a secret. If y'all do go out, it's far from where you will be seen. You are NOT allowed to complain. He orders in and brings DVDs over because THAT is what side chicks get. He DOES need to show you some respect and be nice to you but he owes you NOTHING. If you don like it, don't fuck with him. It's just that simple.
Also, stop catching feelings for a man you KNOW isn't yours. He's leaving you after he nuts to tell his main girl that he loves her and cop her some red bottoms. You got with him knowing he didn't belong to you, so stop trying to rope him in. Stop doing wifey things thinking that's what it takes to have him to yourself. He already has that, you are there to fill the spaces she doesn't. Furthermore, why would you want a man you KNOW cheats? LOL...
And ladies, please, stop caring about the main girl. She has her place, it's called FIRST. You can't have her place so don't creep her on networks, don't call or text her on some bullshit. He is NOT choosing you over her.
I was explaining to @BrooklynCarter what my personal experience with being a side chick was like. When I met homie, I didn't know anything about his marital status, but I learned soon after about it. So I did the usual mental pros and cons list. He is such a dope person I decided that I really didn't stand to lose anything by being involved with him. The deciding factor was that we didn't have to be very involved at all. Both of us have lives to attend to so we kept it within texts and the occasional meet up. Do I feel wrong? No, because I didn't want him like that. I love the person he is though. I kind of just gravitated to him. We're both grown ass, cool people. What we do is not to disrespect his girl, it's just between us. When we part ways, we're just us again. He respects my gangster and I dig his dopeness. We good.
I'm not condoning having or being a side chick, I'm just saying that sadly many of us are sharing our significant other. Be happy if you've never heard about his other bitch. If he's still treating you amazingly, that means he has her in check. He knows what's good, she don't mean shit and he won't let her pass her place. Or he's actually faithful..... Maybe. Either way, don't hang the side chick. Hang the heating bastard if you want justice.
The Articulate Bitch
The side chick, the enemy of monogamous relationships everywhere. Let's clarify really quickly: a one-time infidelity with a female does NOT a side chick make. A side chick is a continuous relationship outside of your official one.
There are so many angles to this. Firstly, it is NOT the side chick's moral dilemma. SHE is not cheating on anyone. She is wrong ONLY if she has a moral obligation to the main chick (friend, family member, coworker etc). She is simply an accessory to fuckery. She's enabling him to carry on his adultery. But this does not make the problem hers. Let's not talk respect. Respect would be him NOT having the side chick in the first place. Keeping shorty around past the first fuck to satisfy whatever need or fill whatever void is his choice. Side chick need only concern herself with him and what he wants/needs from her and what she's gaining from the relationship.
Secondly, side chicks need to know their role. You are NOT his girlfriend. He is NOT your boyfriend. If he told you he loves you, he's lying, the box was just good. You don't get dinners at restaurants and movie dates like wifey does, because you do not exist. You are a secret. If y'all do go out, it's far from where you will be seen. You are NOT allowed to complain. He orders in and brings DVDs over because THAT is what side chicks get. He DOES need to show you some respect and be nice to you but he owes you NOTHING. If you don like it, don't fuck with him. It's just that simple.
Also, stop catching feelings for a man you KNOW isn't yours. He's leaving you after he nuts to tell his main girl that he loves her and cop her some red bottoms. You got with him knowing he didn't belong to you, so stop trying to rope him in. Stop doing wifey things thinking that's what it takes to have him to yourself. He already has that, you are there to fill the spaces she doesn't. Furthermore, why would you want a man you KNOW cheats? LOL...
And ladies, please, stop caring about the main girl. She has her place, it's called FIRST. You can't have her place so don't creep her on networks, don't call or text her on some bullshit. He is NOT choosing you over her.
I was explaining to @BrooklynCarter what my personal experience with being a side chick was like. When I met homie, I didn't know anything about his marital status, but I learned soon after about it. So I did the usual mental pros and cons list. He is such a dope person I decided that I really didn't stand to lose anything by being involved with him. The deciding factor was that we didn't have to be very involved at all. Both of us have lives to attend to so we kept it within texts and the occasional meet up. Do I feel wrong? No, because I didn't want him like that. I love the person he is though. I kind of just gravitated to him. We're both grown ass, cool people. What we do is not to disrespect his girl, it's just between us. When we part ways, we're just us again. He respects my gangster and I dig his dopeness. We good.
I'm not condoning having or being a side chick, I'm just saying that sadly many of us are sharing our significant other. Be happy if you've never heard about his other bitch. If he's still treating you amazingly, that means he has her in check. He knows what's good, she don't mean shit and he won't let her pass her place. Or he's actually faithful..... Maybe. Either way, don't hang the side chick. Hang the heating bastard if you want justice.
The Articulate Bitch
Club Chronicles pt.6
I started this segment to give people an inside view of the club scene from my eyes. There's a lot of things people don't see. I'm not claiming to be the authority on clubbing, but it's been 10+ years of this shit for me. I know some shit.
That being said, in 10+ years of paying my party dues (standing in line, buying tickets, shitty DJs, asshole promoters, buying cheap drinks, stepping up to cheap bottles, and so on) some shit happened last night that has NEVER happened to me before.
So me and Pinky get invited to parties we don't usually attend all the time. Sometimes we're invited because the promoters are our homies, sometimes it's cuz "I saw y'all in the club, you go HAM", but whatever the reason is we get invited. Last night was no different and we had been to this venue before so we got cute and went.
Now, its true, we were bribed with drinks. Were it a 'buy a bottle' situation I woulda been in dreamland dreaming about Church Thursday night. But I was invited to come drink and be merry. Neither of which happened. I would like to clarify that the person who invited us was NOT responsible for this situation.
It was still early, so the club was pretty empty but we had just got there so no trippin' involved. We get asked "do y'all want a drink?" standard polite response after peeping the vodka we don't normally drink, "yeah, sure" and the polite smile. So we each get promptly handed what appears to be your standard vodka cranberry. This is where shit gets real.
Me: *sip* .... *sip*.... *look of puzzlement*.... *sip*
I start laughing, then look at Pinky who has the same look of confusion on her face. So I type out to her the following:
"that moment you sip a drink someone handed you and taste NO alcohol"
To which she proceeds to join me in laughter. Ladies and gentleman, the drink in my hand was a bootleg. A fraud. A fake. Fugayzi. Fugaga. Nigga, I was sippin' straight cranberry juice.
Now, the situation could have been handled in a couple ways. Most of which would have lead to an argument and disrespectful behavior (which would have been fully constituted given the situation). We chose not to say anything to the perpetrator. We stood for another 20 mins laughing, sharing the joke with two of my homies who tasted the fraud drinks themselves, so they know. Finally me and Pinky realized the shit was honestly too disrespectful for us to continue showing face at the party. Got home at 1:30am.
Now, what was the point in handing us drinks with no alcohol? You woulda looked like more of a boss just NOT giving us anything. Second, I might have understood the fugayzi drink if we had ASKED for them on some thirsty heaux shit, but why offer then disrespect? Thirdly, we party so regularly and get so drunk regularly, why did home boy think we weren't going to notice the lack of intoxicants in our drinks?
Seriously, after 10 years no one has ever been that disrespectful toward me. Fake drinks? REALLY? I talk about fake ass, fake tits, fake hair, fake nails, fake designer shit, fake ballers, fake pimps all the time. But fake drinks? Homie just cleared a category for himself.
Needless to say you won't catch me at that party again unless home boy apologizes to us and hands me a Hennessy bottle at the door. I don't give a FUCK.
The Articulate Bitch
That being said, in 10+ years of paying my party dues (standing in line, buying tickets, shitty DJs, asshole promoters, buying cheap drinks, stepping up to cheap bottles, and so on) some shit happened last night that has NEVER happened to me before.
So me and Pinky get invited to parties we don't usually attend all the time. Sometimes we're invited because the promoters are our homies, sometimes it's cuz "I saw y'all in the club, you go HAM", but whatever the reason is we get invited. Last night was no different and we had been to this venue before so we got cute and went.
Now, its true, we were bribed with drinks. Were it a 'buy a bottle' situation I woulda been in dreamland dreaming about Church Thursday night. But I was invited to come drink and be merry. Neither of which happened. I would like to clarify that the person who invited us was NOT responsible for this situation.
It was still early, so the club was pretty empty but we had just got there so no trippin' involved. We get asked "do y'all want a drink?" standard polite response after peeping the vodka we don't normally drink, "yeah, sure" and the polite smile. So we each get promptly handed what appears to be your standard vodka cranberry. This is where shit gets real.
Me: *sip* .... *sip*.... *look of puzzlement*.... *sip*
I start laughing, then look at Pinky who has the same look of confusion on her face. So I type out to her the following:
"that moment you sip a drink someone handed you and taste NO alcohol"
To which she proceeds to join me in laughter. Ladies and gentleman, the drink in my hand was a bootleg. A fraud. A fake. Fugayzi. Fugaga. Nigga, I was sippin' straight cranberry juice.
Now, the situation could have been handled in a couple ways. Most of which would have lead to an argument and disrespectful behavior (which would have been fully constituted given the situation). We chose not to say anything to the perpetrator. We stood for another 20 mins laughing, sharing the joke with two of my homies who tasted the fraud drinks themselves, so they know. Finally me and Pinky realized the shit was honestly too disrespectful for us to continue showing face at the party. Got home at 1:30am.
Now, what was the point in handing us drinks with no alcohol? You woulda looked like more of a boss just NOT giving us anything. Second, I might have understood the fugayzi drink if we had ASKED for them on some thirsty heaux shit, but why offer then disrespect? Thirdly, we party so regularly and get so drunk regularly, why did home boy think we weren't going to notice the lack of intoxicants in our drinks?
Seriously, after 10 years no one has ever been that disrespectful toward me. Fake drinks? REALLY? I talk about fake ass, fake tits, fake hair, fake nails, fake designer shit, fake ballers, fake pimps all the time. But fake drinks? Homie just cleared a category for himself.
Needless to say you won't catch me at that party again unless home boy apologizes to us and hands me a Hennessy bottle at the door. I don't give a FUCK.
The Articulate Bitch
Tuesday 22 May 2012
Top Ten Most Swag: Bitches
I love doing lists, so here's a new segment I'm calling Top Ten Most Swag.
This week on Top Ten: Bitches. These lovely ladies are in no particular order but you have to pledge allegiance to the swag.
This week on Top Ten: Bitches. These lovely ladies are in no particular order but you have to pledge allegiance to the swag.
1. Nikki Lipstick & Gitsie Wood
Tumblr Queens of Style
(Nikki in purple Gitsie in Teal)
The reason I put these two on this list is because their originality knows no limits. Their style is like a mix of metal, grunge, scene, trashy and hip hop.
Nikki Lipstick runs a sick tumblr page, not for the faint of heart or the lacking in originality. As well as her own website with some really cute clothing and accessories, including nipple covers in the shapes of Hello Kitty bows, anti-crosses, fangs, Pokeballs and batman logos.
The lovely Gitsie Wood is not only Nikki's BFF, but her in house model. She's gorgeous and generally awesome.
I love how much they love each other. Reminds me of Pinky and I. Super Cute.
2. Amber Rose
The Original Bald Blonde Bombshell
Probably one of the most copied females out here, Amber Rose is number 2 on my list for starting a wave of short haired blonde girls all across my city and no doubt the world.
Famous for being eye candy, then capitalizing on it, using her unique style and remarkable versatility to rake in some major dollas.
She's been called every name in the book (I'm guilty too) for her relationship escapades and nude photos (which, by the way, were awesome), but let's not act like we haven't enjoyed every moment of her standing in the spotlight.
She's also got the most enviable collection of frames (S/O Vintage Frames) of any female since Dame Edna. I've fallen back in love with her... even though she's a wife now... Wiz will have to share.
3. Iggy Azalea
The Australian Invasion
Iggy Azalea hasn't had a chance to fully infuse my life the way many other artists have...yet. But so far I'm quite fond of her, and her awesome style.
I'm slowly getting into her music, but in the mean time I am LOVING looking at her. She's also gained a reputation for being completely amazing with her fans, as seen in Toronto recently.
...let's not forget her recent romance with my personal favourite guy ASAP Rocky. She's got "Live Love ASAP" tatted on her right fingers and her album title "The New Classic" on her left...
...So you know it was real...
I've gained new fondness for blondes with swag, and bitches who make it rain. So Iggy Azalea had to make my top ten.
4. MIA
I've been a fan since KALA, this lady has come such a looooong way. From her debut album to performing pregnant as fuck on the Grammy stage with the likes of Jay Z.
I love this chick, although her style is either super weird or super dope, she's guaranteed to never look like anyone else. Lately she's even been spotted looking red carpet glam, which I must say, suits her quite well.
Sri Lankan by way of England, it should be no surprise that this girl has a style all her own. She's got a thing for gold and shit loads of Versace-esque patterns.
MIA reminds me of a super dope Queen West chick, or a well-dressed East African girl...
MIA is altogether awesome... I hope she goes back to making music.
5. Rihanna
My Style Twin
We all know Rihanna's personal and music history so let's just focus on the swag this time, shall we?
Rihanna, much like Amber Rose is one of those girls that is so beautiful they have the advantage of being versatile with their style.
Whether in a red carpet gown and Louboutins or ripped stockings, jeans and Jordans, she always puts herself together fabulously.
If this was a countdown she would have been my number one.
6. Cassie Ventura
The Shaved Head Red Carpet Goddess
As if it weren't enough that she is just beautiful, she also has undoubted swag.
It's not easy having a shaved head and still being totally feminine AND casual at the same damn time, but this fabulous femme has it all worked out.
Though she is most often seen in designer gowns and heels with four figure price tags, here's a girl who knows how to dress up when dressing down as well.
She's a fashion show front row regular, red carpet stroller and overall great to look at.
7. Lil Debbie
The LA Italian Stallion
Lil Debbie first made a big appearance as Kreayshawn's sidekick/BFF/professional cooker in the Gucci Gucci video... I'll be honest I paid more attention to Debbie than Kreayshawn when I first saw that video.
Lil Debbie has LA swagger... aka UNFUCKWITTABLE. She's a naturally creative person which translates through her style.
White girl ratchet, sporting gold teeth, bamboo earrings, long nails and sneakers nearly all the time... let's not forget the mandatory name chain.
swag champ....
8. Honey Cocaine
Love her style. Suits her well for a little blonde Cambodian girl from Canada. I'll leave the music alone though.
9. Willow Smith
Daddy's Little Girl
Probably the flyest tiny human out here.
Kudos to Will and Jada allowing their young daughter to explore style to this extent...
Willow Smith is a reminder of how old we all actually are. She popped up with a song out of no where and suddenly she's a media darling.
Then again, having the most famous black parents in the game does have it's advantages...
10. Taylor Momsen
The Wild Card
How I love Taylor Momsen, let me count the ways.... Never thought that the innocent-ish Little J from Gossip Girl would become the commander of the stage she is now....
I adore her style. Very Courtney Love, metal, trashy-chic, grunge.
Nearly always in leather, denim, hooker heels, ripped stay ups and garter belts. Wearing lingerie as clothes is a staple along with her signature long blonde hair and dark makeup.
Taylor Momsen is a perfect example of breaking out of your shell.
....and of course who doesn't love a little boob?
I love the style of these women, but style in general should just make you feel your most amazing all the time. Wear your clothes don't let them wear you!
The Articulate Bitch
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)