Everyone knows I love using basketball metaphors to describe relationships.
So I have this issue with people trying to stake claim or cuff things that they shouldn't. In this case: men. I am by no means saying you are not allowed to cuff a dude, however, certain females in certain situations need to chill. These girls are trying to have their cake and eat it too (I don't like that phrase because it makes no sense but you see where I'm going with this).
Bananas bitch number one is the greedy girl. This is a female who already has a roster of men but has a problem with anyone talking to anyone she is interested in. Like, they're all sharing you, you need to share them. You not about to tell me I can't holla just 'cause you're insecure about losing one of your starting players.
Bananas bitch number two is the clinger. This bitch is holding on to hope that her ex will take her back. She's so convinced that they will reunite that it's automatically a beef ting if he hollas at you or vice versa. She will go so far as to contact you and tell you that they are still together/ they're in love/ a dog always comes home yadda yadda yadda. Problem is, sometimes they're right. But for he times they're not, you find yourself fucked over trying to talk to this nigga.
Bananas bitch number three is the conflicted baby mother. This girl has no sense of direction. Poor thing. Her baby father still has some sort of hold on her, in whichever form, and dictates so many of her actions and choices it's mind boggling. This girl, however, will try to talk to other dudes in an attempt to get over or get away from her baby father. She tries to cuff knowing that there's no way her baby father is letting it slide. It's either she thinks having a new nigga will make him jealous so she does it on purpose, or she really does try to live her life and he won't let her. Either way, you better believe the "new guy" is off limits. She's not letting anyone near him. She needs him. He reminds her that someone besides homeboy that knocked her up wants her. It's validation.
Disclaimer: since I know most baby mothers are insane just chill and realize I'm not talking about all of you. I'm talking about the insane ones who will take offense to this whether it applies to them or not. Chill. I don't know you, so don't assume I'm talking about you.
Thanks.
So anyways. Y'all delusional women need to smarten up. We already know there aren't enough decent dudes to go around. If you fucked up your situation with the one you had don't be mad that a next bitch wants him. Matter of fact be as mad as you want but be mad at yourself, bitch. Maybe it just wasn't/isn't the right person for you. LET THAT SHIT GO. Move the fuck on and stop marking your territory on community dick.
The Articulate Bitch
Sunday 29 July 2012
Thursday 26 July 2012
Long Distance
My father got married this weekend in the Bahamas to his second wife. As far as I can tell, he chose much better this time. She's classy, pretty, a good mom, very professional and has a very positive demeanor. I like her. My dad told me he was engaged early in June. We don't have the best relationship so I'm pretty sure they've been engaged for considerably longer and he just chose to tell me now. I didn't attend the wedding, neither did any of my family members. But that's how my dad rolls, I'm jut glad he found someone to be happy with.
My mother has been married for 18 years now. It's kind of mind boggling to believe that it's been that long. She will be the first to tell you that she's a happily married woman. She honestly is.
So where am I going with this? Well, both of my parents are married and involved in long distance relationships with their spouses. My father has been dating his new wife for a couple years now. She lives in Jamaica with her preteen daughter, my dad lives up here in the GTA with my 8 year old brother. They have been flying back and forth to see each other and speak to each other multiple times a day. My mother lived with her husband for the initial 3-4 years of their marriage then moved to a different city for work. She still goes to spend time with him and every 2 weeks they spend the weekend together.
Imagine that. One long distance dating relationship that resulted in marriage and one long distance marriage that has lasted 18 years despite the distance. I jokingly asked my mom if her and my father were trying to permanently scar my perception of romance, then I got to wondering how I actually felt about it.
Of course, a long distance relationship is only for the very strong hearted. This is a partnership that has no room for insecurity. You have to be very comfortable within yourself to be able to survive the day to day life without physically seeing of touching the person you love. Only hearing their voice, reading their messages is a hard way to love. We have Skype ad FaceTime now which I'm sure helps as far as seeing their face (or more if you're into the webcam sex shit).
The main subject that pops up when discussing long distance relationships is fidelity. The fear that while you're so far away from them, they could be with someone else. Of course the possibility is there, but let's be real; you could live next door to your man/girl and they could still be cheating.
I'm the type of person who gets bored with my company easily. I need time away to miss you! If you're always in my face, always at my crib, always at the club, always in my space.... You're gonna get cut. I guarantee it. So a long distance relationship doesn't sound like a terrible idea to me at all.
Neither of my parents are dependent on the company of others. My father is easily annoyed by people who don't understand his many quirks and abstract idiosyncrasies, and my mother is just like me when it comes to being social; she'll do it when she has to or the odd time she's lonely. Otherwise she'll tell you to piss off. Perhaps that's (definitely) where I got both those traits from.
Point is, they're both cut out for long distance relationships. When they're with their spouse they enjoy every moment and long to see them when they leave. When they're each on their own they're perfectly content to just chill out until the next flight or 2 hr drive.
My mother has been happy for 18 years and my father has found his happiness now. They're two perfect examples of how a long distance relationship can be successful. Don't rule it out as an option before trying. Technology has made the world smaller, this is one of the many ways it can bring us closer.
The Articulate Bitch
My mother has been married for 18 years now. It's kind of mind boggling to believe that it's been that long. She will be the first to tell you that she's a happily married woman. She honestly is.
So where am I going with this? Well, both of my parents are married and involved in long distance relationships with their spouses. My father has been dating his new wife for a couple years now. She lives in Jamaica with her preteen daughter, my dad lives up here in the GTA with my 8 year old brother. They have been flying back and forth to see each other and speak to each other multiple times a day. My mother lived with her husband for the initial 3-4 years of their marriage then moved to a different city for work. She still goes to spend time with him and every 2 weeks they spend the weekend together.
Imagine that. One long distance dating relationship that resulted in marriage and one long distance marriage that has lasted 18 years despite the distance. I jokingly asked my mom if her and my father were trying to permanently scar my perception of romance, then I got to wondering how I actually felt about it.
Of course, a long distance relationship is only for the very strong hearted. This is a partnership that has no room for insecurity. You have to be very comfortable within yourself to be able to survive the day to day life without physically seeing of touching the person you love. Only hearing their voice, reading their messages is a hard way to love. We have Skype ad FaceTime now which I'm sure helps as far as seeing their face (or more if you're into the webcam sex shit).
The main subject that pops up when discussing long distance relationships is fidelity. The fear that while you're so far away from them, they could be with someone else. Of course the possibility is there, but let's be real; you could live next door to your man/girl and they could still be cheating.
I'm the type of person who gets bored with my company easily. I need time away to miss you! If you're always in my face, always at my crib, always at the club, always in my space.... You're gonna get cut. I guarantee it. So a long distance relationship doesn't sound like a terrible idea to me at all.
Neither of my parents are dependent on the company of others. My father is easily annoyed by people who don't understand his many quirks and abstract idiosyncrasies, and my mother is just like me when it comes to being social; she'll do it when she has to or the odd time she's lonely. Otherwise she'll tell you to piss off. Perhaps that's (definitely) where I got both those traits from.
Point is, they're both cut out for long distance relationships. When they're with their spouse they enjoy every moment and long to see them when they leave. When they're each on their own they're perfectly content to just chill out until the next flight or 2 hr drive.
My mother has been happy for 18 years and my father has found his happiness now. They're two perfect examples of how a long distance relationship can be successful. Don't rule it out as an option before trying. Technology has made the world smaller, this is one of the many ways it can bring us closer.
The Articulate Bitch
Rich Dick Poor Dick
The topic of rich dick arose on twitter the other night. I commented so much I figured I should write a full length post. 140 characters x 10 is a lot of opinion.
Last year I went to spend a month in Florida with my mom. It was literally just to get away and chill. However my mother doesn't ever stop working, so I had a lot of time on my hands. My mom would go to work, I'd sit on her balcony/self-made mini porch and smoke with a screwdriver or mimosa in hand every morning. This is where my adventure started with who I call the 4 gentlemen. The 4 Gentlemen convinced me in one month that I never wanted to fuck with a broke nigga again. Here's how...
Gentleman 1 - The Neighbour
He would be walking his dogs early in the morning and see me posted with my drink and cigarette. After seeing me a couple mornings in a row he asks me to come down & smoke with him. This became my morning ritual. Every morning, he walks his dogs, I drink, then we smoke by the pool. The weed was average, the company was great. Real cool dude, never asked me for a damn thing and even took me out for breakfast sometimes. No sense of entitlement.
Gentleman 2 - Ghetto Dude
I met this super ghetto West Palm
Beach County dude when I was grabbing cigarettes from the gas station one day. This nigga was too hood to function. Had he not been so damn cute with his dreads, tattoos, wife beater, grills and that damn Dodge Charger I would never have spoken to him. Turned out he was a nice guy, but I swear I needed subtitles when he was talking sometimes. There's accent, and then there's what this nigga had. He didn't take me to breakfast, but he brought me to have dinner at his house on his sister's birthday. His mom can THROW DOWN! He was great at keeping me occupied. Brought me to the gun range once and we even grabbed wings a couple times at some strip clubs. He did all those things with a smile and without a single complaint.
Gentleman 3- Working Man
Number three was most like a TDot nigga, in that he worked an actual legal job. He took me away for the weekend, we ate great food caught mad jokes, genuinely had a good time with this dude. He's the eldest and most established of the gentlemen, which allowed me to appreciate his maturity. Never asked for anything but took care of me. I can appreciate that.
Gentleman 4 - Mr Spender
I met Mr Spender close to the end of my trip. Obviously I wished I met him earlier. Mr Spender was very materialistic, a little shallow but very sweet if he was interested. His name kinda sums it up. If I wanted it he bought it. If I wanted to go somewhere, he brought me. If I wanted to eat something he got it for me. Great guy.
I came back to Toronto and felt like I had stepped in shit. Yeah, I know. But I was treated like a princess in the south. Dudes were willing to do nice things to get to know me, and they never complained because to them it's just part of the process. Before I continue, I feel the need to say I did NOT, in fact have sex with all 4 gentlemen. Only one. It wasn't Mr Spender either.
You know what comes with poor dick? A great personality, time they're willing to spend (since they ain't got money), and stress. Why stress? Because they gotta worry where their next dollar is coming from. They don't share that stress all the time, but when they do it's an avalanche of self pity. Now you as a female gotta babysit this niggaz feelings and reassure him. Broke dick is usually so good though, it frustrates you into letting the moths in his pockets live.
I like dudes with money. Any girl comfortable enough to be honest does. I don't like them or want them because they'll spend it, that's nearly irrelevant. They're going to spend it regardless. If they're with you guess what they'll spend it on. Exactly. I like them because having money shows character. It shows you have to work to get it. You have ambition, motivation, perseverence, determination. Those are things I look for in a dude.
A dude with money also has a schedule. Shit he HAS to do. So you'll hear from him when he's got the time. His time means so much more because he barely has any to give. He's got to TAKE TIME OUT for you. That means something. A broke nigga has all the time in the world, and uses that time to do unproductive shit, wallow in self-pity, and bother you with his insecurities. I'm not down.
I'm not saying you should only want a dude with money, but want him for the right reasons. Dudes with money also have egos, attitudes and many times a sense of entitlement once they've come to a certain point with you. If you got a broke man, be his motivation to do and be better. If he's a lazy bum who complains but never acts, you make changes.
Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial. No one party should be giving all and receiving none.
The Articulate Bitch
Last year I went to spend a month in Florida with my mom. It was literally just to get away and chill. However my mother doesn't ever stop working, so I had a lot of time on my hands. My mom would go to work, I'd sit on her balcony/self-made mini porch and smoke with a screwdriver or mimosa in hand every morning. This is where my adventure started with who I call the 4 gentlemen. The 4 Gentlemen convinced me in one month that I never wanted to fuck with a broke nigga again. Here's how...
Gentleman 1 - The Neighbour
He would be walking his dogs early in the morning and see me posted with my drink and cigarette. After seeing me a couple mornings in a row he asks me to come down & smoke with him. This became my morning ritual. Every morning, he walks his dogs, I drink, then we smoke by the pool. The weed was average, the company was great. Real cool dude, never asked me for a damn thing and even took me out for breakfast sometimes. No sense of entitlement.
Gentleman 2 - Ghetto Dude
I met this super ghetto West Palm
Beach County dude when I was grabbing cigarettes from the gas station one day. This nigga was too hood to function. Had he not been so damn cute with his dreads, tattoos, wife beater, grills and that damn Dodge Charger I would never have spoken to him. Turned out he was a nice guy, but I swear I needed subtitles when he was talking sometimes. There's accent, and then there's what this nigga had. He didn't take me to breakfast, but he brought me to have dinner at his house on his sister's birthday. His mom can THROW DOWN! He was great at keeping me occupied. Brought me to the gun range once and we even grabbed wings a couple times at some strip clubs. He did all those things with a smile and without a single complaint.
Gentleman 3- Working Man
Number three was most like a TDot nigga, in that he worked an actual legal job. He took me away for the weekend, we ate great food caught mad jokes, genuinely had a good time with this dude. He's the eldest and most established of the gentlemen, which allowed me to appreciate his maturity. Never asked for anything but took care of me. I can appreciate that.
Gentleman 4 - Mr Spender
I met Mr Spender close to the end of my trip. Obviously I wished I met him earlier. Mr Spender was very materialistic, a little shallow but very sweet if he was interested. His name kinda sums it up. If I wanted it he bought it. If I wanted to go somewhere, he brought me. If I wanted to eat something he got it for me. Great guy.
I came back to Toronto and felt like I had stepped in shit. Yeah, I know. But I was treated like a princess in the south. Dudes were willing to do nice things to get to know me, and they never complained because to them it's just part of the process. Before I continue, I feel the need to say I did NOT, in fact have sex with all 4 gentlemen. Only one. It wasn't Mr Spender either.
You know what comes with poor dick? A great personality, time they're willing to spend (since they ain't got money), and stress. Why stress? Because they gotta worry where their next dollar is coming from. They don't share that stress all the time, but when they do it's an avalanche of self pity. Now you as a female gotta babysit this niggaz feelings and reassure him. Broke dick is usually so good though, it frustrates you into letting the moths in his pockets live.
I like dudes with money. Any girl comfortable enough to be honest does. I don't like them or want them because they'll spend it, that's nearly irrelevant. They're going to spend it regardless. If they're with you guess what they'll spend it on. Exactly. I like them because having money shows character. It shows you have to work to get it. You have ambition, motivation, perseverence, determination. Those are things I look for in a dude.
A dude with money also has a schedule. Shit he HAS to do. So you'll hear from him when he's got the time. His time means so much more because he barely has any to give. He's got to TAKE TIME OUT for you. That means something. A broke nigga has all the time in the world, and uses that time to do unproductive shit, wallow in self-pity, and bother you with his insecurities. I'm not down.
I'm not saying you should only want a dude with money, but want him for the right reasons. Dudes with money also have egos, attitudes and many times a sense of entitlement once they've come to a certain point with you. If you got a broke man, be his motivation to do and be better. If he's a lazy bum who complains but never acts, you make changes.
Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial. No one party should be giving all and receiving none.
The Articulate Bitch
Club Chronicles pt13
Like a missing floor...
So, in an attempt to preserve my sanity, I've reduced my 4 day party weekend to just my Thursdays. Don't u dare for second think that there won't be content though. Dumb club shit follows where ever dark atmosphere, alcohol and loud music may follow.
I don't know if this only happens to me, but I don't see why it wouldn't happen to anyone else. I can't stand going out and having a dude feel like he can talk to me any typa way just because he has me on Facebook or twitter. Niggaz will strut up to you and act like you dissed them cuz you ain't say 'hi'. News flash: nigga, I DON'T KNOW YOU. No, I don't recognize you from your avi without the corner store Versace locs and gangster screw face. Then, once you have established how unfamiliar they really are to you, these niggaz press the convo. Stop it. If you can't thirst online like a normal social-network-obsessed person, stop hunting girls down in the club asking them "so what... You don't remember me? I liked your bathing suit pic on instagram," boy please. If you ARE gonna approach someone you recognize from your online world, change your approach. Assume they don't know you, since technically they don't. Reintroduce yourself, and above all, be polite. You'd be surprised how much further you'll get.
I love showing off my city. I walk around the downtown core and see visitors and tourists all the time enjoying the things Toronto has to offer. But there may be nothing we are known for more than our women. It's true, being as multicultural as we are, we have some of the most beautiful ladies here. These states niggaz know this. Every rapper, singer, designer and artist knows this. So naturally while visiting our city the goal is to nail some TDot vag. Fine, do your thing. But stop coming out to our parties and turning the thirst knob past critical levels in the quest for the illustrious Toronto pussy. Yes, we like your accent, but we've heard it before. Yes, we've been to the states before. Yes, we like living here. Blaaaaah blaaaaah blaaaaah. Christ. I get asked the same questions every time. Pace yourself, show some restraint and finesse your way through game and you might just get what you're after.
It's no surprise that females get sloppy drunk every weekend. Someone always ends up falling over themselves completely unable to control their movements and speech. So for the dudes who come to the club looking for take-home pussy, leave the sloppy drunk hoes alone. Do you know how suspect you look trying to spit game to shorty while you help her walk? It's creepy. It looks like date rape waiting to happen. I feel like a witness. If you have to stoop so low as to settle for drunk pussy, you're a loser. Point, blank, period.
It's Thursday, tonite we turn up.
The Articulate Bitch
So, in an attempt to preserve my sanity, I've reduced my 4 day party weekend to just my Thursdays. Don't u dare for second think that there won't be content though. Dumb club shit follows where ever dark atmosphere, alcohol and loud music may follow.
I don't know if this only happens to me, but I don't see why it wouldn't happen to anyone else. I can't stand going out and having a dude feel like he can talk to me any typa way just because he has me on Facebook or twitter. Niggaz will strut up to you and act like you dissed them cuz you ain't say 'hi'. News flash: nigga, I DON'T KNOW YOU. No, I don't recognize you from your avi without the corner store Versace locs and gangster screw face. Then, once you have established how unfamiliar they really are to you, these niggaz press the convo. Stop it. If you can't thirst online like a normal social-network-obsessed person, stop hunting girls down in the club asking them "so what... You don't remember me? I liked your bathing suit pic on instagram," boy please. If you ARE gonna approach someone you recognize from your online world, change your approach. Assume they don't know you, since technically they don't. Reintroduce yourself, and above all, be polite. You'd be surprised how much further you'll get.
I love showing off my city. I walk around the downtown core and see visitors and tourists all the time enjoying the things Toronto has to offer. But there may be nothing we are known for more than our women. It's true, being as multicultural as we are, we have some of the most beautiful ladies here. These states niggaz know this. Every rapper, singer, designer and artist knows this. So naturally while visiting our city the goal is to nail some TDot vag. Fine, do your thing. But stop coming out to our parties and turning the thirst knob past critical levels in the quest for the illustrious Toronto pussy. Yes, we like your accent, but we've heard it before. Yes, we've been to the states before. Yes, we like living here. Blaaaaah blaaaaah blaaaaah. Christ. I get asked the same questions every time. Pace yourself, show some restraint and finesse your way through game and you might just get what you're after.
It's no surprise that females get sloppy drunk every weekend. Someone always ends up falling over themselves completely unable to control their movements and speech. So for the dudes who come to the club looking for take-home pussy, leave the sloppy drunk hoes alone. Do you know how suspect you look trying to spit game to shorty while you help her walk? It's creepy. It looks like date rape waiting to happen. I feel like a witness. If you have to stoop so low as to settle for drunk pussy, you're a loser. Point, blank, period.
It's Thursday, tonite we turn up.
The Articulate Bitch
Things I Hate About Sex
Sex is so fun. There are so many different ways to enjoy it. But what about the aspects of sex we don't like? These things exist, I'm sure we all know. Here's a few of the things that I could do without, when it comes to sex.
Pubes. I hate them. I hate the process of removing them too. Changing positions in the shower to shave your cooka, being mildly molested by your wax lady, taking risks with hair removing chemicals. Ugh. I hate it all. But it's necessary. Fellas, some of y'all could be a little more considerate and do a little manscaping too. No one likes pube floss. No one.
Condoms. Yes, necessary evil. I'm all for safe sex so I really just find ways to tolerate these complaints. For one, I hate when niggaz show up with old condoms. The lube has dried out, the damn thing expires in 6 months and the rapper is crinkly and worn out. It's ugly. I also hate dudes not buying their size. Gold wrappers aren't for everyone!!!! But my number one complaint about condoms is that god awful latex & skin & juices smell. OH MY GAWD! It's horrible. It smells like WTF. I'm still trying to understand why it's so gross. Flavored condoms are just as bad! Fuck you mean it tastes like strawberry but my room still smells like WTF. I'm mad. Like I said, necessary evil. Wrap it up.
Sex injuries. This is supposed to be a carefree, feel-good activity. Why do I need to be injured in the process? Why do I need rug burn, a pulled muscle, internal bleeding, a cocoa on my head from the headboard/wall, or any other painful injury? Why? For some reason it seems that whatever causes us pain, makes dudes feel great. I don't appreciate that at all.
There's a few... There will be more!
The Articulate Bitch
Pubes. I hate them. I hate the process of removing them too. Changing positions in the shower to shave your cooka, being mildly molested by your wax lady, taking risks with hair removing chemicals. Ugh. I hate it all. But it's necessary. Fellas, some of y'all could be a little more considerate and do a little manscaping too. No one likes pube floss. No one.
Condoms. Yes, necessary evil. I'm all for safe sex so I really just find ways to tolerate these complaints. For one, I hate when niggaz show up with old condoms. The lube has dried out, the damn thing expires in 6 months and the rapper is crinkly and worn out. It's ugly. I also hate dudes not buying their size. Gold wrappers aren't for everyone!!!! But my number one complaint about condoms is that god awful latex & skin & juices smell. OH MY GAWD! It's horrible. It smells like WTF. I'm still trying to understand why it's so gross. Flavored condoms are just as bad! Fuck you mean it tastes like strawberry but my room still smells like WTF. I'm mad. Like I said, necessary evil. Wrap it up.
Sex injuries. This is supposed to be a carefree, feel-good activity. Why do I need to be injured in the process? Why do I need rug burn, a pulled muscle, internal bleeding, a cocoa on my head from the headboard/wall, or any other painful injury? Why? For some reason it seems that whatever causes us pain, makes dudes feel great. I don't appreciate that at all.
There's a few... There will be more!
The Articulate Bitch
Kush Talk w/Jamz
I'm bout to spark this... One sec.
*le exhale*
Okay so... Very often when females stop being friends, guys shake their heads and think to themselves "I've had the same friends since forever,". They don't understand the fine differences when it comes to females and same sex friendships.
You wanna know what the root of evil is between female friends? Jealousy. Secret envy. It is very rarely something that is made known or is obvious (especially to the involved parties). Ladies are nodding their heads already. I know. Trust me. The next bitch can't stand that you might be doing something she can't do, for whatever reason. Maybe that bitch don't like that you can fill out a dress better than her. Maybe she don't like that you are more educated than her. Maybe she don't like that you got yourself a good man and hers is battery operated. Whatever it is, and it's always something, it makes that bitch so insecure she can't even be a real bitch about it and just tell you. So she keeps it to herself and secretly hates you for it the entire time.
Girls get into arguments and one side always says "selfish bitch". You know why? Because someone was probably being a selfish bitch. Someone was acting like everything was cool and taking their friend for a ride then something came up where the level of selfishness was so high it caused a problem. One friend is always the fed up one. The one who has been tolerating bullshit the whole time. It's usually the one arguing with the jealous bitch. Worse if the jealous bitch is the selfish bitch (which she usually is because the other bitch secretly knows the jealous bitch is envious), you've now got one angry, somewhat delusional, selfish, jealous, irrational, oh-my-god-why-can't-I-slap-this bitch on your hands.
This bitch is so insecure her arguments to you don't even have anything to do with the actual problem. You spend half argument part laughing part speechless. Like... Can we stay on topic you spastic cunt? Shit.
I don't argue. I have a way with words and I'm all about accuracy and evidence so when I argue it's a well stated, educated and informed debate. And if I'm going to take the time to argue its because I believe I'm right. And if I believe I'm right, more often than not... It's because I am. So arguing is pointless. Matter of fact it's not even an argument with me. It's "you're whyling and instead of being petty like you I'm gonna prove my point,". I don't even swear in arguments. I don't get involved in emotional altercations because 9 times outta 10 I don't care so I can't play on the emotional frontlines without emotional responses. Fuck. I know.
Dudes don't have this problem because only bitch niggaz are jealous of their homies. Dudes in general would rather use the successes of their homies to motivate them to better themselves. It's compete not defeat. Girls are crabs in a bucket, dragging the better bitch down only to be dragged down themselves by the next bitch. Vicious cycle.
I hate girls sometimes.
The Articulate Bitch
*le exhale*
Okay so... Very often when females stop being friends, guys shake their heads and think to themselves "I've had the same friends since forever,". They don't understand the fine differences when it comes to females and same sex friendships.
You wanna know what the root of evil is between female friends? Jealousy. Secret envy. It is very rarely something that is made known or is obvious (especially to the involved parties). Ladies are nodding their heads already. I know. Trust me. The next bitch can't stand that you might be doing something she can't do, for whatever reason. Maybe that bitch don't like that you can fill out a dress better than her. Maybe she don't like that you are more educated than her. Maybe she don't like that you got yourself a good man and hers is battery operated. Whatever it is, and it's always something, it makes that bitch so insecure she can't even be a real bitch about it and just tell you. So she keeps it to herself and secretly hates you for it the entire time.
Girls get into arguments and one side always says "selfish bitch". You know why? Because someone was probably being a selfish bitch. Someone was acting like everything was cool and taking their friend for a ride then something came up where the level of selfishness was so high it caused a problem. One friend is always the fed up one. The one who has been tolerating bullshit the whole time. It's usually the one arguing with the jealous bitch. Worse if the jealous bitch is the selfish bitch (which she usually is because the other bitch secretly knows the jealous bitch is envious), you've now got one angry, somewhat delusional, selfish, jealous, irrational, oh-my-god-why-can't-I-slap-this bitch on your hands.
This bitch is so insecure her arguments to you don't even have anything to do with the actual problem. You spend half argument part laughing part speechless. Like... Can we stay on topic you spastic cunt? Shit.
I don't argue. I have a way with words and I'm all about accuracy and evidence so when I argue it's a well stated, educated and informed debate. And if I'm going to take the time to argue its because I believe I'm right. And if I believe I'm right, more often than not... It's because I am. So arguing is pointless. Matter of fact it's not even an argument with me. It's "you're whyling and instead of being petty like you I'm gonna prove my point,". I don't even swear in arguments. I don't get involved in emotional altercations because 9 times outta 10 I don't care so I can't play on the emotional frontlines without emotional responses. Fuck. I know.
Dudes don't have this problem because only bitch niggaz are jealous of their homies. Dudes in general would rather use the successes of their homies to motivate them to better themselves. It's compete not defeat. Girls are crabs in a bucket, dragging the better bitch down only to be dragged down themselves by the next bitch. Vicious cycle.
I hate girls sometimes.
The Articulate Bitch
Tuesday 17 July 2012
Club Chronicles pt12
Like a box of Krispy Kreme donuts....
I know a lot of the shit I rant about in club chronicles got people thinking the things I say should be common knowledge, but I'd run out of material if it was. So here comes number twelve.
I know lining up with a bunch of frustrated bitches in heels isn't pleasant. I know. What I DON'T know is why you post up in line to complain about how long the line is. There's nothing wrong with a couple "holy shit"s and a few exasperated sighs, but some of y'all take it too far with the belly-achin'. You know regardless if it takes an hour for you to inch your way to the door you're going to stay in line. So cut it out. And stop getting mad at all the people who networked their way to NOT having to wait in line. Can we live? Believe me, we've done our fair share of waiting.
Speaking of lines.... There are the odd nights when I spend some time outside chatting with folks and witness some strange shit. Like arguing with bouncers. Who does that? They're the ones in charge of letting people in, so why are you standing at the door arguing with them about getting in? "The club is at capacity," seems like the main phrase people have the most trouble with. It's like they think security is telling tales. More people = more money, what makes you think they're turning you away for any other reason than capacity? Does this huge dude with a flashlight and gloves on know you personally? Y'all got beef? If not, take their word for it, be sad, and vamoose. The argument you pick with the bouncers ain't getting you in. Trust me.
Folks, we are each in charge of our own lives and therefore our own fun. Don't hold anyone else responsible for your fun. You came after last call? That sucks, hope you brought weed. You came late and they locked off the door? Pray no one saw you and use that outfit for another party. Your flirty friend ditched you and is somewhere in a dark corner of the club with a nigga she just met? Hope you've got more friends in here. I don't have sympathy for people who knowingly do things and get pissed at the result. Certain actions have definite outcomes. Plan your partying effectively.
*Sigh* I don't believe I have to even say this next one. 'Cause in all honesty it's something you should already know. But like I said; if people didn't act silly in the club... We wouldn't have club chronicles. But I digress.
Niggaz, stop pullin' your money out in the club fake counting it for people to see. Fuck what you heard, that's how niggaz end up walking home with no shirt or shoes. Who are you trying to impress? The girls you're NOT tricking on or the niggaz preeing you that just so happened to get their straps in the club. Cut it he fuck out. You ever hear that made men don't make statements? Oh okay.
And in light of the recent commotion in my city let me talk to y'all real quick. All this gun shit needs to cut out. Y'all nothin' but loose cannon mother fuckers with bad aim and poor judgement. There's no need for all this thuggery. What happened to the days you had to be a real nigga and snuff a man in his face? Now y'all being SLOPPY tryinna shoot mans from a distance in a crowd of innocent people. People who don't give a fuck about you and will make statements to put you in jail. 23 people? Really? This shit is out of hand. Get it the fuck together. Y'all pussies for needing guns and dumb criminals for doing shit in the public. Fuck boys.
The Articulate Bitch
I know a lot of the shit I rant about in club chronicles got people thinking the things I say should be common knowledge, but I'd run out of material if it was. So here comes number twelve.
I know lining up with a bunch of frustrated bitches in heels isn't pleasant. I know. What I DON'T know is why you post up in line to complain about how long the line is. There's nothing wrong with a couple "holy shit"s and a few exasperated sighs, but some of y'all take it too far with the belly-achin'. You know regardless if it takes an hour for you to inch your way to the door you're going to stay in line. So cut it out. And stop getting mad at all the people who networked their way to NOT having to wait in line. Can we live? Believe me, we've done our fair share of waiting.
Speaking of lines.... There are the odd nights when I spend some time outside chatting with folks and witness some strange shit. Like arguing with bouncers. Who does that? They're the ones in charge of letting people in, so why are you standing at the door arguing with them about getting in? "The club is at capacity," seems like the main phrase people have the most trouble with. It's like they think security is telling tales. More people = more money, what makes you think they're turning you away for any other reason than capacity? Does this huge dude with a flashlight and gloves on know you personally? Y'all got beef? If not, take their word for it, be sad, and vamoose. The argument you pick with the bouncers ain't getting you in. Trust me.
Folks, we are each in charge of our own lives and therefore our own fun. Don't hold anyone else responsible for your fun. You came after last call? That sucks, hope you brought weed. You came late and they locked off the door? Pray no one saw you and use that outfit for another party. Your flirty friend ditched you and is somewhere in a dark corner of the club with a nigga she just met? Hope you've got more friends in here. I don't have sympathy for people who knowingly do things and get pissed at the result. Certain actions have definite outcomes. Plan your partying effectively.
*Sigh* I don't believe I have to even say this next one. 'Cause in all honesty it's something you should already know. But like I said; if people didn't act silly in the club... We wouldn't have club chronicles. But I digress.
Niggaz, stop pullin' your money out in the club fake counting it for people to see. Fuck what you heard, that's how niggaz end up walking home with no shirt or shoes. Who are you trying to impress? The girls you're NOT tricking on or the niggaz preeing you that just so happened to get their straps in the club. Cut it he fuck out. You ever hear that made men don't make statements? Oh okay.
And in light of the recent commotion in my city let me talk to y'all real quick. All this gun shit needs to cut out. Y'all nothin' but loose cannon mother fuckers with bad aim and poor judgement. There's no need for all this thuggery. What happened to the days you had to be a real nigga and snuff a man in his face? Now y'all being SLOPPY tryinna shoot mans from a distance in a crowd of innocent people. People who don't give a fuck about you and will make statements to put you in jail. 23 people? Really? This shit is out of hand. Get it the fuck together. Y'all pussies for needing guns and dumb criminals for doing shit in the public. Fuck boys.
The Articulate Bitch
Monday 16 July 2012
Breakfast After Nut
Since my twitter went into uproar...
First of all, the reason I didn't put this on twitter is because all the people involved follow me. When you finish reading you'll understand. I feel the need to say "don't judge me" but I know y'all have done the same or worse so quite frankly I don't give a damn.
So one night I'm home chillin. His nigga hits me up to go check him. Now, I'm not one to travel for dick, but I'll damn sure travel for head (Yeah, I know. That's where the don't judge me part comes in). If you saw his lips you'd understand. But I digress...
So I fake blow him off, loaft like a shit head in my house doing all kinds of fuckery (I even washed, blow dried, flat ironed and shave my head... Shaves everything else too... Shwing!!!!) I was soooo bout wasting time. So it starts getting late, I finally quit the game and tell him I'm coming.
Some time later I get to where he's at. It's his friends house (see, again... Don't judge me). Smoke blah blah blah blah blaaaahhh.... So pow bam thank you ma'am this dude is the excellent dick I assumed he'd be and head game was .... I don't know if I have a sufficient word but I may have blacked out at one point or another. All I know is at one point I realized the sun was coming up.
So hours later, I get some sick morning sex the nut was un-fucking-believable. Yadda yadda dude tries to make breakfast but fucks up the French toast and I'm the French toast queen so I step in. Let's remember his homie about to become homieS are around.
Now I just wanted breakfast. But this nigga wants me to pull a waitress suzie and bring him his food.
-____-
At this point I'm practically on a hunger strike cuz I'm just soooo not bout this thing he's doing whatever it is. Hunger pains fam. I'm conducting a domestic protest and starving myself in the name of feminism and real nigganess.
Hours LITERALLY later, I'm like "fuck this. I have shit to do." so I cave and bring his royal fucking highness his food, box mine and cut.
I'M STILL SALTY ABOUT IT! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
My point is this: we fuck, you owe me a nut. There, I said it. I nut, I don't owe you breakfast unless we gooooo togetha. And most DEFINITELY not when your homies are around and it's the first time we fucked. *sigh*
Okay readers I'm gonna wait for the backlash now. There you have it.
The Articulate Bitch
First of all, the reason I didn't put this on twitter is because all the people involved follow me. When you finish reading you'll understand. I feel the need to say "don't judge me" but I know y'all have done the same or worse so quite frankly I don't give a damn.
So one night I'm home chillin. His nigga hits me up to go check him. Now, I'm not one to travel for dick, but I'll damn sure travel for head (Yeah, I know. That's where the don't judge me part comes in). If you saw his lips you'd understand. But I digress...
So I fake blow him off, loaft like a shit head in my house doing all kinds of fuckery (I even washed, blow dried, flat ironed and shave my head... Shaves everything else too... Shwing!!!!) I was soooo bout wasting time. So it starts getting late, I finally quit the game and tell him I'm coming.
Some time later I get to where he's at. It's his friends house (see, again... Don't judge me). Smoke blah blah blah blah blaaaahhh.... So pow bam thank you ma'am this dude is the excellent dick I assumed he'd be and head game was .... I don't know if I have a sufficient word but I may have blacked out at one point or another. All I know is at one point I realized the sun was coming up.
So hours later, I get some sick morning sex the nut was un-fucking-believable. Yadda yadda dude tries to make breakfast but fucks up the French toast and I'm the French toast queen so I step in. Let's remember his homie about to become homieS are around.
Now I just wanted breakfast. But this nigga wants me to pull a waitress suzie and bring him his food.
-____-
At this point I'm practically on a hunger strike cuz I'm just soooo not bout this thing he's doing whatever it is. Hunger pains fam. I'm conducting a domestic protest and starving myself in the name of feminism and real nigganess.
Hours LITERALLY later, I'm like "fuck this. I have shit to do." so I cave and bring his royal fucking highness his food, box mine and cut.
I'M STILL SALTY ABOUT IT! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
My point is this: we fuck, you owe me a nut. There, I said it. I nut, I don't owe you breakfast unless we gooooo togetha. And most DEFINITELY not when your homies are around and it's the first time we fucked. *sigh*
Okay readers I'm gonna wait for the backlash now. There you have it.
The Articulate Bitch
Friday 13 July 2012
Til Death Do Us Part
One of my favourite subjects (clearly... If you've ever seen me you know) to speak about are my tattoos. Actually, just tattoos in general.
I get approached a lot by people who either have only a couple tattoos, tattoos they're not happy with, or tattoos virgins all the time. They always have a million questions about them. Hopefully this can answer some of them.
1. "Where should I go to get my tattoos done?"
When looking into getting new work done the best thing to do is to check out the shops themselves. I don't doubt that there are talented artists working in their own basements but for your safety and piece of mind, go to an actual tattoo shop. Take a little tour and check out how the shop operates. Generally speaking a good tattoo shop will show you the work stations and sterilization room (if they do piercings as well) to make you comfortable with your surroundings. If you like what you see take it to the next step.
2. "Who should I get to do my tattoo?"
Choosing the right artist is like choosing a hair dresser or barber. Check out their work in their portfolio and determine if the style of the artist matches the style of the tattoo you're looking to get. You won't want to go to someone who does script very well to do something in full colour, for example. Look for someone who does what YOU want well.
3. "I really want to cover this."
Nothing more stressful than tattoo regret. Never fear, cover-ups are here! Covering a tattoo is sometimes difficult based on the tattoo that's being covered. Just be aware that whatever is covering it will have to be bigger and darker to cover effectively.
4. "How much do you pay for your tattoos?"
I'm the wrong person to ask. My homies are tattoo artists. But tattoos are one of those things where you get what you pay for. Cheap tattoos aren't good and good tattoos aren't cheap. The worst thing you can do is price shop for a tattoo. Downtown Toronto shops usually charge between $100-$175 per hour and have base prices of about $80. Keep in mind that the price is to cover he cost of needles, ink, and all the disposable sterile equipment being used as well as labour itself. It's worth shopping around for artists but not for the lowest price. Don't risk your health or the quality of your art just because you're cheap.
5. "I can't decide what to get!"
Knowing you want a tattoo but not knowing what to get is a common complaint. Most people think every tattoo should have some deep, profound meaning. That's a good way to choose one, but certainly not the ONLY way. Only a couple of my tattoos have a meaning, the rest are just works of art I love. A good tattoo is something you love and will continue to love. Whether it means something or not is up to you. Talk to your artist, many times they have insight about the meaning of symbols that may suit your needs, or just a really dope piece they've drawn and can't wait to tattoo!
The bottom line is knowledge and comfort. Know what you want, and what your artist is capable of. Be comfortable with the shop you're in, they people who work there and the person you bring with you to get your tattoo. Make sure your artists shows you that your needle, tubes and equipment are all new in sealed packages.
When you're all set up and ready to go, just breathe! Relax, all tattoos are painful to some degree. Some body parts hurt more than others so do a little research if you're afraid of pain. Numbing gel exists, but it changes to texture of the skin making it harder for your artists. So just man up! I promise the pain is worth the result.
Always always always listen to the advice your artist gives you about aftercare!!! No vaseline and no polysporin, EVER!!! Unscented, mild lotion and soap is the way to go. Don't hit the gym and work out the area you just got tatted and for heavens sake keep it out of water (pools, hot tubs, ocean, lake etc) and sun. Sun is a new tattoos enemy.
Love the art, not the cool factor. Keep it real, don't swagger jack someone's tatts. That shit is horrible.
Hope this helps you budding tattoo enthusiasts! Remember, only ink is forever.
The Articulate Bitch
Thursday 12 July 2012
For Classy Johnny
Long overdue...
I'm dedicating my new banner to my friend John Giaouris aka Classy Johnny (May 20 1990 - April 14 2012). He was a 21 year old designer from Toronto. He designed that beautiful jacket I'm wearing in the photo (Photo Cred to the AMAZING Kadeem Ellis), as part of his line, Code Toronto.
Classy Johnny was an amazing person. The sweetest guy, and infinitely talented. We talked about working together before he had completed his first full collection for Code Toronto. Losing him really hurt me, even though we didn't know each other very long. He was just such a positive, inspiring person for someone so young. I had such great expectations of him and knew he would do amazing things in life.
I don't wanna cry so I'm going to make this short and sweet.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank Classy Johnny for restoring my faith in young talent. For inspiring me to live life to the fullest and never doubting my own abilities to do whatever I want in life. Johnny had faith in me as I had faith in him. I don't plan to disappoint him.
Much love to his parents, two amazing people George and Anna.
The Articulate Bitch
I'm dedicating my new banner to my friend John Giaouris aka Classy Johnny (May 20 1990 - April 14 2012). He was a 21 year old designer from Toronto. He designed that beautiful jacket I'm wearing in the photo (Photo Cred to the AMAZING Kadeem Ellis), as part of his line, Code Toronto.
Classy Johnny was an amazing person. The sweetest guy, and infinitely talented. We talked about working together before he had completed his first full collection for Code Toronto. Losing him really hurt me, even though we didn't know each other very long. He was just such a positive, inspiring person for someone so young. I had such great expectations of him and knew he would do amazing things in life.
I don't wanna cry so I'm going to make this short and sweet.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank Classy Johnny for restoring my faith in young talent. For inspiring me to live life to the fullest and never doubting my own abilities to do whatever I want in life. Johnny had faith in me as I had faith in him. I don't plan to disappoint him.
Much love to his parents, two amazing people George and Anna.
The Articulate Bitch
Wednesday 4 July 2012
Club Chronicles pt11: Pride Edition
Very special edition! Celebrating everything that is Pride Toronto 2012!
I attended Blockorama for the 3rd year this year. Essentially, Blockorama is a black, gay block party. There are performances, live DJs, amazing food and drinks. The admission is free and the music is great.
If you thought there could never be a gay dancehall scene (although the straight one is pretty gay as it is) think again. Blockorama had the crowd skinning out, wining up and getting real cyattie like. That being said, I released my inner cyattie and took it back with some old dancehall music. Yes, alcohol was CLEARLY a factor. Fuck you. Don't judge me. It was mad fun. But let's jump right into this.
Firstly, if you can't vogue, DON'T. there was a lot of struggling going on in that crowd. Leave the dramatics to House of Monroe. They got this. Stop flingin' up yourself, nearly injuring yourself doing the dip or pulling a calf muscle trying to duck walk. Leave it to the professionals.
I love drag queens. I love the exaggeration, the over-the-top glamour, everything! But what makes a good drag queen? I'm not expert but a lot of these lovely beings could use some makeup tips FOR REAL. For one, shave your face! You've got pounds of foundation on and ur stubble is poking through. That's gross. Learn to walk in those heels, please and for the love of our lord and savior, Madonna, comb your weave/wig. I would say it to the girls, so I'm saying it to you gurls.
Just like at any other party, the inappropriate dancing was abundant. A lot of it I just excuses 'cause it was Pride and everyone was drunk or high or both. But some dudes were taking it too far past a bubble. You can dance together but mimicking sexual acts is wrong for every gender and orientation. Save that for the bedroom when you don't have to mimic for the sake of decency.
Pride was epic. Beautiful. The most non-judgmental party I have EVER been to. I invite anyone to come next year.
The Articulate Bitch
I attended Blockorama for the 3rd year this year. Essentially, Blockorama is a black, gay block party. There are performances, live DJs, amazing food and drinks. The admission is free and the music is great.
If you thought there could never be a gay dancehall scene (although the straight one is pretty gay as it is) think again. Blockorama had the crowd skinning out, wining up and getting real cyattie like. That being said, I released my inner cyattie and took it back with some old dancehall music. Yes, alcohol was CLEARLY a factor. Fuck you. Don't judge me. It was mad fun. But let's jump right into this.
Firstly, if you can't vogue, DON'T. there was a lot of struggling going on in that crowd. Leave the dramatics to House of Monroe. They got this. Stop flingin' up yourself, nearly injuring yourself doing the dip or pulling a calf muscle trying to duck walk. Leave it to the professionals.
I love drag queens. I love the exaggeration, the over-the-top glamour, everything! But what makes a good drag queen? I'm not expert but a lot of these lovely beings could use some makeup tips FOR REAL. For one, shave your face! You've got pounds of foundation on and ur stubble is poking through. That's gross. Learn to walk in those heels, please and for the love of our lord and savior, Madonna, comb your weave/wig. I would say it to the girls, so I'm saying it to you gurls.
Just like at any other party, the inappropriate dancing was abundant. A lot of it I just excuses 'cause it was Pride and everyone was drunk or high or both. But some dudes were taking it too far past a bubble. You can dance together but mimicking sexual acts is wrong for every gender and orientation. Save that for the bedroom when you don't have to mimic for the sake of decency.
Pride was epic. Beautiful. The most non-judgmental party I have EVER been to. I invite anyone to come next year.
The Articulate Bitch
That's So Gay
Pride week in Toronto was purely fabulous. Living in the village/GAYbourhood made it all the better this year and I honestly enjoyed it. But with every year that another pride passes, is another year of phobic folks and their closed minded opinions. I'm gonna do what I can to give y'all phobes some insight, even if you don't change your mind, you need to read this.
For one, dudes need to stop thinking that every gay dude wants them. A dude liking men does not mean you're his type. Chill. You don't like every girl that you come across, it works the same way. Beyond that, LGBT folks have 'gaydar'. That means they can sense whether you're homofabulous or not. So being loudly, obnoxiously homophobic isn't necessary. It may even work against you. I know more than a few gay men who LOVE messing with dudes who say rude things to them in public. It's funny to them (to me too actually), but certainly won't be to you. Keep your comments to yourself and look away if you're that disgusted.
Fake lesbians/bi girls annoy the shit outta me. You ladies are why dudes still think its okay to expect a threesome from every girl who likes girls. One year you're just SO gay and now all of a sudden you're not? Yeah. Right. I've said it before, being gay is NOT a choice. If you're just slutty than be so. Don't claim to like pussy. You know you're doing it to impress niggaz. We are not amused.
Being gay-tolerant does not make a person gay. Should go without saying but... Well homophobes aren't generally that informed anyway. Y'all sound like down south KKK members calling white people "nigger lovers". Honestly it's just so off-base.
Homophobic men, black ones especially kill me because so much of what they claim to hate is an integral part of their lives. Oh, you "HATE" gays huh? That's a nice Louis Vuitton belt you're wearing. Those Versace sunglasses are awfully nice. That Gucci watch is stunning. Those Christian Louboutin sneakers are sick. For someone who hates gays so much you sure are wearing a lot of them. Gay men RUN the fashion world. Don't you EVER forget it.
While I'm at it, maybe instead of hating gays so much you should hate the straight mother and father who brought them here. No? Oh. Okay.
The Articulate Bitch
For one, dudes need to stop thinking that every gay dude wants them. A dude liking men does not mean you're his type. Chill. You don't like every girl that you come across, it works the same way. Beyond that, LGBT folks have 'gaydar'. That means they can sense whether you're homofabulous or not. So being loudly, obnoxiously homophobic isn't necessary. It may even work against you. I know more than a few gay men who LOVE messing with dudes who say rude things to them in public. It's funny to them (to me too actually), but certainly won't be to you. Keep your comments to yourself and look away if you're that disgusted.
Fake lesbians/bi girls annoy the shit outta me. You ladies are why dudes still think its okay to expect a threesome from every girl who likes girls. One year you're just SO gay and now all of a sudden you're not? Yeah. Right. I've said it before, being gay is NOT a choice. If you're just slutty than be so. Don't claim to like pussy. You know you're doing it to impress niggaz. We are not amused.
Being gay-tolerant does not make a person gay. Should go without saying but... Well homophobes aren't generally that informed anyway. Y'all sound like down south KKK members calling white people "nigger lovers". Honestly it's just so off-base.
Homophobic men, black ones especially kill me because so much of what they claim to hate is an integral part of their lives. Oh, you "HATE" gays huh? That's a nice Louis Vuitton belt you're wearing. Those Versace sunglasses are awfully nice. That Gucci watch is stunning. Those Christian Louboutin sneakers are sick. For someone who hates gays so much you sure are wearing a lot of them. Gay men RUN the fashion world. Don't you EVER forget it.
While I'm at it, maybe instead of hating gays so much you should hate the straight mother and father who brought them here. No? Oh. Okay.
The Articulate Bitch
Cuffing Season???
Every fall I write a piece about the coming of cuffing season. Somehow it seems the season has come early this year. I blame global warming.
Dude after dude I've encountered recently has been on some girlfriend shit. I don't understand it! It's July for fucks sake!!! The weather is still amazing. Bitches are still outside in the shortest of shorts and maxi dresses that show off their commando-clad asses. Niggaz are supposed to be whoring around, acting irresponsibly and being single. Yet here I am, 4 niggaz deep, fending off relationship propositions like zombies during the apocalypse.
Have I missed something? Or are dudes perhaps men are maturing past the whore phase of life? I need answers. I feel lost. Someone has thrown my libra scale way way off. Is this only happening to me?
The Articulate Bitch
Dude after dude I've encountered recently has been on some girlfriend shit. I don't understand it! It's July for fucks sake!!! The weather is still amazing. Bitches are still outside in the shortest of shorts and maxi dresses that show off their commando-clad asses. Niggaz are supposed to be whoring around, acting irresponsibly and being single. Yet here I am, 4 niggaz deep, fending off relationship propositions like zombies during the apocalypse.
Have I missed something? Or are dudes perhaps men are maturing past the whore phase of life? I need answers. I feel lost. Someone has thrown my libra scale way way off. Is this only happening to me?
The Articulate Bitch
Frank Ocean Comes Out
It's 4:30 am...
All day rumors were swirling about Nostalgia Ultra singer Frank Ocean being gay. I searched high and low for some sort of confirmation, finding only that folks were speculating based on song lyrics from his new album. So, I waited.
Three hours ago Frankie himself posts something on his tumblr (frankocean.com) saying: "what I'm about to post was intended to fill the thank you credit section of my album...but with all the rumors going around I thought it would be good to clarify."
I laid in bed and read his story about the summer he first fell in love. The summer he realized he was... Well, not straight. He told of how he struggled with it, "for the last year or 3 I've screamed at my creator, screamed at the clouds in the sky, for an explanation. Mercy maybe," and how he finally told his friend how he felt. How his friend didn't reciprocate for another 3 years.
The makeup I didn't take of is running down my face to my ears in my tears. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to be working on music, the fame, the fans... The weight of this secret combined with the weight of his life as a star... It's unfathomable.
His letter was so heart felt. Real. Beautifully written, as only he could do. I felt every word and saved the post.
Here is a wildly successful young man, he's releasing his second album (Channel Orange set to drop July 17th), has the likes of Jay Z and Kanye West on his resume, legions of fans who love him and hang off his every beautifully sung word. Frank Ocean is the bravest young nigga in the industry for this.
SMH. I'm still crying. Not because I'm sad or disappointed in him but because I can only imagine the fear that comes behind an admission like this. So many people are still so closed minded about the topic of homosexuality or bisexuality that many feel keeping the secret is wiser. The hip hop industry is already so judgmental and harsh. Frank Ocean's bravery is inspiring.
Pride Week Toronto ended this past Sunday. I saw a lot of faces I didn't see last year, many familiar ones I was proud had come out, finally. I'm not asking anyone to change their views, but open your eyes! We all bleed the same and breathe the same air. We all want the same things; to live happily and love freely. Homosexuality in any degree is not a choice. Who would voluntarily choose to be discriminated against so severely?
It takes bravery to be honest with the world about something you undoubtedly will be judged for. I salute all those who came out this Pride, and to Frank Ocean for being so brave.
Live and let love...
Swim good.
The Articulate Bitch
PS: in case you're wondering what Odd Future front man, Tyler the Creator thinks, here's what he tweeted: " Fucking Finally Sus Boy @frank_ocean Hahahaha, You Still Aint Got No Bitches Hahaha My Nigga Dawg" .... "My Big Brother Finally Fucking Did That. Proud Of That Nigga Cause I Know That Shit Is Difficult Or Whatever. Anyway. Im A Toilet." ....then a little later.. "AY BITCHES, IMA START SINGING SO LIKE, ALL OF FRANKS BITCHES CAN YOU COME OVER HERE AND LIKE HOLLA AT YA BOY!" .... I fucking love Tyler. Lmao
All day rumors were swirling about Nostalgia Ultra singer Frank Ocean being gay. I searched high and low for some sort of confirmation, finding only that folks were speculating based on song lyrics from his new album. So, I waited.
Three hours ago Frankie himself posts something on his tumblr (frankocean.com) saying: "what I'm about to post was intended to fill the thank you credit section of my album...but with all the rumors going around I thought it would be good to clarify."
I laid in bed and read his story about the summer he first fell in love. The summer he realized he was... Well, not straight. He told of how he struggled with it, "for the last year or 3 I've screamed at my creator, screamed at the clouds in the sky, for an explanation. Mercy maybe," and how he finally told his friend how he felt. How his friend didn't reciprocate for another 3 years.
The makeup I didn't take of is running down my face to my ears in my tears. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to be working on music, the fame, the fans... The weight of this secret combined with the weight of his life as a star... It's unfathomable.
His letter was so heart felt. Real. Beautifully written, as only he could do. I felt every word and saved the post.
Here is a wildly successful young man, he's releasing his second album (Channel Orange set to drop July 17th), has the likes of Jay Z and Kanye West on his resume, legions of fans who love him and hang off his every beautifully sung word. Frank Ocean is the bravest young nigga in the industry for this.
SMH. I'm still crying. Not because I'm sad or disappointed in him but because I can only imagine the fear that comes behind an admission like this. So many people are still so closed minded about the topic of homosexuality or bisexuality that many feel keeping the secret is wiser. The hip hop industry is already so judgmental and harsh. Frank Ocean's bravery is inspiring.
Pride Week Toronto ended this past Sunday. I saw a lot of faces I didn't see last year, many familiar ones I was proud had come out, finally. I'm not asking anyone to change their views, but open your eyes! We all bleed the same and breathe the same air. We all want the same things; to live happily and love freely. Homosexuality in any degree is not a choice. Who would voluntarily choose to be discriminated against so severely?
It takes bravery to be honest with the world about something you undoubtedly will be judged for. I salute all those who came out this Pride, and to Frank Ocean for being so brave.
Live and let love...
Swim good.
The Articulate Bitch
PS: in case you're wondering what Odd Future front man, Tyler the Creator thinks, here's what he tweeted: " Fucking Finally Sus Boy @frank_ocean Hahahaha, You Still Aint Got No Bitches Hahaha My Nigga Dawg" .... "My Big Brother Finally Fucking Did That. Proud Of That Nigga Cause I Know That Shit Is Difficult Or Whatever. Anyway. Im A Toilet." ....then a little later.. "AY BITCHES, IMA START SINGING SO LIKE, ALL OF FRANKS BITCHES CAN YOU COME OVER HERE AND LIKE HOLLA AT YA BOY!" .... I fucking love Tyler. Lmao
Monday 2 July 2012
Club Chronicles 10
Dime like a bad bitch.
This joyous occasion calls for a switch up! Number ten is all about beautiful club moments!
Nothing like just arriving at the club, saying your hellos and seeing the bottle service girl walking over with your bucket, bottle and of course... SPARKLERS!!!!
This joyous occasion calls for a switch up! Number ten is all about beautiful club moments!
Nothing like just arriving at the club, saying your hellos and seeing the bottle service girl walking over with your bucket, bottle and of course... SPARKLERS!!!!
(photo courtesy Instagram: WessleeSnapz .... WetBar Toronto)
Bruh, as soon as the buckets hit the table something snaps in you 'cause you know that is the last sober memory you're going to have for the night. Moments later you're wasted as fuck, jumping on a couch spilling your drink while you lose your God given mind screaming "THAT'S THAT SHIT I DON'T LIKE!" at the top of your lungs.
Nothing better than celebrating your birthday in the club surrounded by your closest niggaz, bitches and bottles. One of my homies celebrated his birthday a few weeks ago, Meek Mill's song "Amen" came on. By this time, we were all already drunk, standing on couches and shit. So we're singin' and rapping along when the entire booth raises bottles and drinks together singin' "CHUUUUUUUURCH!!!!"... maybe you had to be there, but it was honestly a beautiful moment.
(photo courtesy Instagram: shadbox16 ... Toronto)
For those of us who like to turn up to extreme levels when we party, whether it's someone's birthday or not, taking bottles to the head is a normal occurrence. That's that get drunk quick shit right there. Especially if you're a Hennessy drinker like us dope folks.
(courtesy Instagram: 416Jamz... Kamakacci Juice, Toronto)
For those of us who have regular spots we hit, where the staff know our names and you feel right at home like a corny episode of Cheers, taking shots with staff is not only normal but required. It sets the mood for the night and helps maintain those bonds you have with the people who assist you in your drunken foolishness throughout the nights.
(photo courtesy Instagram: 416Jamz....Time NightClub, Toronto)
My last, and perhaps favourite beautiful club moment is a tradition amongst my closest party buddies. The prerequisite, celebratory, birthday champagne shower. This is how you show love when you party with us. It's your birthday, we turned up all night, took shots, took bottles to the face, jumped on couches and acted as ratchet as security would let us and now, because none of us can sing 'Happy Birthday' while we're THIS FUCKING DRUNK, we're gonna shake up these Moet and Clicquot bottles then drown you in champagne. Happy Birthday mother fucker.
(photo courtesy Instagram: 416Jamz .... Coco @ Wetbar, Toronto)
These are my beautiful moments that make clubbing worth it for me. Yours maay be different, but finding the fun in any club night is key. Fuck standing up staring at people and talking shit about them when they can't hear you over the music. Fuck being sober and wishing you would've just stayed home. Find the fun, have a beautiful club moment, and if you can't... find me and we'll make one for you.
The Articulate Bitch
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