Remember when you were in high school and sex was a new concept? When finger fucking was still fashionable, and sucking dick or eating pussy were cause for social ridicule? Remember when you still went to health class and the use of condoms was stressed and repeated? When you learned every disgusting symptom of the venereal diseases and were borderline terrified of pregnancy?
I remember those days. I remember when there was no way you would even take your pants off without the presence of a rubber. Nowadays, your lucky if homeboy has one because you damn sure didn't buy any. And most dudes I know, ain't stopping shit for a store run. When did we become so daring with our sexual encounters? When did we stop caring about the consequences? When did WE kill safe sex?
It's mind boggling. We have all the knowledge in the world at our fingertips and still we ignore what is so basic in precautions. I haven't met a girl in the last two years who was on the pill. I haven't met a dude who didn't proudly admit to banging girls bareback on a regular basis. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?
All over twitter, the general consensus on condoms seems to be that they are obsolete. Dudes proudly state their decision to never use condoms. And girls proudly tell us their tales of rising body counts and sexual conquests. Times change, but who ever thought this would be our new position (no pun intended) on safe sex.
What confuses me is this: as it stands (and this is very general) girls are more promiscuous than ever, dudes are using contraceptives far less often, most first time parents are under the age of 25, and barely anyone is in a committed relationship. So where does that leave us? Relying on free health care to foot the bill for STI tests and medication, as well as abortions(yes, Canada's free health care PAYS for abortions). It leaves these crazy girls with the perfect opportunity to trap a dude with a child he probably doesn't want with a girl he doesn't plan to stay with. It leaves our economy to take care of young single mothers and their unplanned children. It leaves young men tangled in court with a spiteful, bitter chick over child support. It leaves non-parents like myself in a position where we are more likely to become step parents before parents ourselves.
The saddest part is that we know all this. We see it everyday. We know people who are going through it. But does that stop us? Of course not. We remain 'too caught up in the moment for condoms' or falling for the good old 'I'll just pull out'.
Y'all know I keep it all the way funky with y'all. I don't exclude myself from the shit I talk about. I'm no saint in the bedroom. I have fallen for the pull out champs too. I've been in those "sorry, I just couldn't pull out" aka the oopsie daisy nut situations. Thankfully though, my inner voice has brought me to sex health clinics for testing after and to the pharmacy for Plan B pills just in case. As a female, I gotta make sure I'M good.
For one, I haven't met a dude I would consider having a child with. WITH. That's the word we should be using. How many times do you hear "I'm having a baby FOR him. I'd have a baby FOR him. I had a baby FOR him,"? FOR, implies that we are handling this shit ourselves. Sadly, most of the time we are. My mother told me to always remember that children are a woman's responsibility by default. We carry them and birth them, we are automatically responsible for that new life. The dude? Let's face it, he is only involved by CHOICE or by COURT ORDER to be responsible.
I don't know the current statistics on STI rates, but I wouldn't be surprised if they were much higher that when I was in high school. These things terrify me. I'm pussy paranoid. If even the smallest thing is off, I fly to a clinic. My doctor is test-happy so she doesn't mind but she makes fun of me all the time for "taking full advantage of OHIP (free healthcare)".
Look, the bottom line is simple. Make wiser decisions in bed. Condoms are far cheaper than children, and more convenient than clinic appointments and pharmacy visits for prescriptions. Ladies, that baby won't make him stay with you. Fellas, child support ain't cheap.
We all know the things we do and don't want. So knowing everything we do, we need to do better as young people.
The Articulate Bitch
Monday 30 April 2012
Thursday 26 April 2012
Promise I Won't Leak it...
Technology has changed everything. We don't do anything the same way we used to. We don't speak to people face to face anymore, unless it's on FaceTime or Skype. We don't even call people anymore because we can text or IM them. Our thoughts are no longer prisoners of our over active minds, we share and publish them for the world to see on social networks. We don't even meet people the way we used to, face to face in a chance encounter, we meet online.
Technology has changed everything. Even sex. Now there's no longer that comforting knowledge that "no one will find out" or "thank god no one can see me do this" because while you're getting rug burn on your knees, home boy has his camera phone capturing the moment (I'd smash that shit into oblivion). But what about our naughty moments we CHOOSE to share?
Nudes and sex tapes have made celebrities famous for years. They somehow manage to leave the confines of secure emails and cell phones and creep their way to tabloids and Internet sites for millions to see. But what about YOUR nudes? What about YOUR sex tape?
Personally, I love nudes. I love receiving them, and most of the time I like sending them. I think everyone (females especially) has nudes of themselves. At some point we catch a glimpse of ourselves in the mirror and are impressed enough to have a private cell phone photoshoot of our awesome nakedness. AS YOU SHOULD.
Ass pictures seem to be the gateway pic for most girls. Not comfortable enough to show an actual private part, the ass picture tends to be a favorite. It also has the advantage of being less identifiable which most girls like. These pics can be very deceiving though. There are flattering angles, positions, even locations (aka cocked up on the bathroom sink... Yeah...) and wardrobe (that one pair of underwear your ass looks just AMAZING in). Big girls get away with a lot with ass pictures too... Y'all know it.
Titty pics tend to be the next step. Girls like me with pending boob jobs gotta sit this one out. These are a little difficult it seems in terms of posing. There's a lot of holding them up, pushing them together, the occasional nipple cover, just all kinds of placement concerns. I'm more of an ass person, I don't care much for boobs. Especially those HUGE ones with GIGANTIC areolas. Omg... I might puke. Saggy boobs and stretch mark boobs... I dunno just.... Keep that to yourself.
Full body nakedness is next on the spectrum. Generally these are mirror pics or for the MacBook squad, photo booth pics. Most of the time you can't see much specifically you just notice the absence of clothes. These pics are more about pose and facial expression. And for heavens sake make sure your hair looks good. This is when a girl's inner model comes out. The poses can get a little out of hand sometimes though.
Last but certainly not least are the pussy pics. The final FRONTier of nudity. I'll be honest, I don't know why dudes ask for pussy pictures. I mean... Pussy is really not cute. One guy friend of mine said that he asked for pussy pics to see if the girl had an ugly pussy before he hit it. *shrug* I dunno. But regardless of WHY, the pussy picture is the holy grail of cell phone nudity. Guidelines for this? Well, obviously hair removal is a must. If he wanted to see a rainforest he would watch Avatar. Second, make sure your nails look decent. You can't be spreading them lips and sayin' "cheese" with chipped nail polish. Come on girl. Get your shit together. These pics are not for the faint of heart, ironically it takes some real balls to send someone a pic of your snatch.
And... Because nudes ain't just for men to enjoy us...
Fellas, dick pics are great. I can only speak for myself but, I love and appreciate these gems. You can tell a lot about a dude by his dick pic. Yes, there's the obvious, size etc., but you can get an idea of a dude's freak level too. If he's hiding it a Lil bit, under the sheets, just pulled it out the boxers etc. he's probably not much of a freak. But there are those rare few dudes who have hella theatrics ; no draws in the pic, rock hard, or my personal fave, those firm grip pics or the firm grip cuz he just nut (and yes, cum is in the pic). Ok, lemme stop. My point is... We like naked pics too. So don't be shy.
And in regards to people who say nudes ruin lives; yes, you're right. In the wrong hands your nudes could become a problem for you. But a certain level of responsibility has to be on the sender. If I don't want my nudes leaked I won't send them. I don't send them TO be leaked, but if I'm afraid someone might see I would just refrain. Obviously sending a naked photo requires a certain level of trust. Those who leak photos ain't shit. That is just so petty. People need to grow up.
My position on nudes is this: we all have access to things far more graphic. We've watched porn, cruised the Internet and had enough sex by now to know what all these parts look like. So what's the big deal? It's all just skin. Skin we've all seen before. If you're comfortable enough in that skin, by all means, share it.
The Articulate Bitch
Technology has changed everything. Even sex. Now there's no longer that comforting knowledge that "no one will find out" or "thank god no one can see me do this" because while you're getting rug burn on your knees, home boy has his camera phone capturing the moment (I'd smash that shit into oblivion). But what about our naughty moments we CHOOSE to share?
Nudes and sex tapes have made celebrities famous for years. They somehow manage to leave the confines of secure emails and cell phones and creep their way to tabloids and Internet sites for millions to see. But what about YOUR nudes? What about YOUR sex tape?
Personally, I love nudes. I love receiving them, and most of the time I like sending them. I think everyone (females especially) has nudes of themselves. At some point we catch a glimpse of ourselves in the mirror and are impressed enough to have a private cell phone photoshoot of our awesome nakedness. AS YOU SHOULD.
Ass pictures seem to be the gateway pic for most girls. Not comfortable enough to show an actual private part, the ass picture tends to be a favorite. It also has the advantage of being less identifiable which most girls like. These pics can be very deceiving though. There are flattering angles, positions, even locations (aka cocked up on the bathroom sink... Yeah...) and wardrobe (that one pair of underwear your ass looks just AMAZING in). Big girls get away with a lot with ass pictures too... Y'all know it.
Titty pics tend to be the next step. Girls like me with pending boob jobs gotta sit this one out. These are a little difficult it seems in terms of posing. There's a lot of holding them up, pushing them together, the occasional nipple cover, just all kinds of placement concerns. I'm more of an ass person, I don't care much for boobs. Especially those HUGE ones with GIGANTIC areolas. Omg... I might puke. Saggy boobs and stretch mark boobs... I dunno just.... Keep that to yourself.
Full body nakedness is next on the spectrum. Generally these are mirror pics or for the MacBook squad, photo booth pics. Most of the time you can't see much specifically you just notice the absence of clothes. These pics are more about pose and facial expression. And for heavens sake make sure your hair looks good. This is when a girl's inner model comes out. The poses can get a little out of hand sometimes though.
Last but certainly not least are the pussy pics. The final FRONTier of nudity. I'll be honest, I don't know why dudes ask for pussy pictures. I mean... Pussy is really not cute. One guy friend of mine said that he asked for pussy pics to see if the girl had an ugly pussy before he hit it. *shrug* I dunno. But regardless of WHY, the pussy picture is the holy grail of cell phone nudity. Guidelines for this? Well, obviously hair removal is a must. If he wanted to see a rainforest he would watch Avatar. Second, make sure your nails look decent. You can't be spreading them lips and sayin' "cheese" with chipped nail polish. Come on girl. Get your shit together. These pics are not for the faint of heart, ironically it takes some real balls to send someone a pic of your snatch.
And... Because nudes ain't just for men to enjoy us...
Fellas, dick pics are great. I can only speak for myself but, I love and appreciate these gems. You can tell a lot about a dude by his dick pic. Yes, there's the obvious, size etc., but you can get an idea of a dude's freak level too. If he's hiding it a Lil bit, under the sheets, just pulled it out the boxers etc. he's probably not much of a freak. But there are those rare few dudes who have hella theatrics ; no draws in the pic, rock hard, or my personal fave, those firm grip pics or the firm grip cuz he just nut (and yes, cum is in the pic). Ok, lemme stop. My point is... We like naked pics too. So don't be shy.
And in regards to people who say nudes ruin lives; yes, you're right. In the wrong hands your nudes could become a problem for you. But a certain level of responsibility has to be on the sender. If I don't want my nudes leaked I won't send them. I don't send them TO be leaked, but if I'm afraid someone might see I would just refrain. Obviously sending a naked photo requires a certain level of trust. Those who leak photos ain't shit. That is just so petty. People need to grow up.
My position on nudes is this: we all have access to things far more graphic. We've watched porn, cruised the Internet and had enough sex by now to know what all these parts look like. So what's the big deal? It's all just skin. Skin we've all seen before. If you're comfortable enough in that skin, by all means, share it.
The Articulate Bitch
The Root of All Evil
So I went off on a bit of a tangent one morning about people discussing money that isn't theirs. Twitter got a taste of how I feel about this, so I expanded and clarified and here it is for my awesome readers:
Ok so I wanna know what people's obsession with money is. Mind you, it's not their OWN they're concerned with. It's everyone else's. Why the fuck would I care about anyone else's money but my own? We don't share bank accounts. You don't pay my service charges.
When ppl are arguing, the first irrelevant argument they bring up is the other person's financial situation. I'll use myself as an example because I'm sure I ain't the only one: I ain't shit. I'm not rich. I don't trap shit (my apartment's nick name is The Trap), I'm not out here swiping CCs, none of that shit. I'm just another Toronto girl, who has osap to pay back, high ass downtown rent to pay and I still need to eat and have fun. Just like many of you have osap, maybe some credit cards to pay off, a couple mobile companies ringing off your phone, etc. I'm normal. I'm not living in the lap of luxury. My parents didn't have it like that so I wasn't raised in that. So for anyone, to decide that MY MONEY that only I work for is any of THEIR concern... I just don't get. Cuz most of the time, the ones pointing out broke ppl ain't poppin shit either. We see you.
Money, can be faked. It's an illusion. A dude can wear head to toe designer fugayzi and get a comp'd bottle and look BALLING. Niggaz are out here PUMP FAKING, and y'all letting them call u broke. Nah. I'm broke. That's cool, I'll tell y'all straight up cuz I'm not worried for the future. I'll be laughing soon. If you yourself know that you ain't Diddy ballin'... You ain't even 'downtown rented condo' ballin'.... Why are you pointing fingers at peoples' pockets? When y'all was cool, you were part of the struggle. Now y'all arguing all of a sudden their bruk-pocket lifestyle is a problem? FOH.
Fuck all that. I got a boring 9-5 I hate and bills to pay. Call me broke all you want, my balance is the same. And if you're one of those finger pointing ppl, get a fuckin' life. Cuz ppl with money don't talk about it.... Unless they're corny or rappers... Or corny rappers.
A fugayzi nigga/bitch call me broke? You're crazy. I have a job and ambitions that surpass it. Yall aint fuckin' with me. Broke = out of options. And I am never that.
The Articulate Bitch
Ok so I wanna know what people's obsession with money is. Mind you, it's not their OWN they're concerned with. It's everyone else's. Why the fuck would I care about anyone else's money but my own? We don't share bank accounts. You don't pay my service charges.
When ppl are arguing, the first irrelevant argument they bring up is the other person's financial situation. I'll use myself as an example because I'm sure I ain't the only one: I ain't shit. I'm not rich. I don't trap shit (my apartment's nick name is The Trap), I'm not out here swiping CCs, none of that shit. I'm just another Toronto girl, who has osap to pay back, high ass downtown rent to pay and I still need to eat and have fun. Just like many of you have osap, maybe some credit cards to pay off, a couple mobile companies ringing off your phone, etc. I'm normal. I'm not living in the lap of luxury. My parents didn't have it like that so I wasn't raised in that. So for anyone, to decide that MY MONEY that only I work for is any of THEIR concern... I just don't get. Cuz most of the time, the ones pointing out broke ppl ain't poppin shit either. We see you.
Money, can be faked. It's an illusion. A dude can wear head to toe designer fugayzi and get a comp'd bottle and look BALLING. Niggaz are out here PUMP FAKING, and y'all letting them call u broke. Nah. I'm broke. That's cool, I'll tell y'all straight up cuz I'm not worried for the future. I'll be laughing soon. If you yourself know that you ain't Diddy ballin'... You ain't even 'downtown rented condo' ballin'.... Why are you pointing fingers at peoples' pockets? When y'all was cool, you were part of the struggle. Now y'all arguing all of a sudden their bruk-pocket lifestyle is a problem? FOH.
Fuck all that. I got a boring 9-5 I hate and bills to pay. Call me broke all you want, my balance is the same. And if you're one of those finger pointing ppl, get a fuckin' life. Cuz ppl with money don't talk about it.... Unless they're corny or rappers... Or corny rappers.
A fugayzi nigga/bitch call me broke? You're crazy. I have a job and ambitions that surpass it. Yall aint fuckin' with me. Broke = out of options. And I am never that.
The Articulate Bitch
Tuesday 17 April 2012
Club Chronicles Pt.2
Part two of this sheeeeit... U ready?
Ladies: if your belly hangs over your belt obstructing your view of said belt at any point around your waist, your shirt is too revealing and you need to hide your midriff or "tuck in yuh belly" as the Jamaicans say. This is ridiculous. Really. Why must I state the obvious so often when in regards to clothing selection. Y'all are buggin'.
I never thought I would have to say this but dudes are not supposed to be dancing with each other in the club. I don't care how non-gay you think you look jumping up and down to Meek Mill tracks with your arms very heterosexually hooked around your homeboys. Don't do that shit. Especially if you don't have your designated space aka a booth to do so. 'Cause now I gotta duck and dodge while you fools carry on in the centre of the dance floor, in hopes you won't sock me in the eye with your elbow or stomp carelessly on my cute shoes and fresh pedicure.
I don't know what it is that makes people forget about the fact that they share space with people. This isn't exclusive to just the club but the worst violations do occur here. We know, it's hot and crowded. At some point you will have to enter that sacred personal bubble of space reserved just for one person. It happens. But while in that space, is it too much to ask for a little consideration? A simple "excuse me" while passing someone, or an innocent "I'm sorry" if you bump someone's drink or accidentally spill yours. These things take absolutely nothing away from you, and can make a world of difference in your clubbing experience. On one hand, you make your parents proud that they taught you some GODDAMN manners, people are more likely to give you the space you need if you can just be polite about it. And on the other hand you avoid the unnecessary drama that comes with not acknowledging an innocent mistake like stepping on someone's shoe, brushing them or spilling a drink. It's so simple I don't know why more people don't do it.
I know the city is small. We all seem to know each other one way or another. So, to the very specific group of ladies I'm about to address, please understand this: I'm not knockin' the hustle. With that said, when I'm getting ready to go to the club, and I do my little "idiot check" to make sure I'm not forgetting anything, there's not much I need to bring. Keys, lighter, smokes/Pre-rolled doobies, ID, phone, lip gloss/stick, money. That's it! I almost never bring a purse. And if I do it's a small clutch or pouch. So, to the girls standing in the booths (or not) with the super long hair, long nails and notorious B.I.G. purse.... That huge bag.... Is like a fucking neon sign that flashes STRIPPER. I'm sorry, maybe y'all don't care, but HONESTLY, WHAT'S IN THAT BAG? What could YOU ladies possibly need more than I do, that requires you to bring that Louis Vuitton Speedy 30 to the club? Pepper spray does NOT take up that much space. Perhaps it's just a show off thing. Maybe y'all just want people to SEE that you have a nice bag. Sure. But FYI Louis Vuitton also has beautiful clutches and evening bags sweetie. This is not a "go big or go home" situation. It's just another night at the club.
The Articulate Bitch
Ladies: if your belly hangs over your belt obstructing your view of said belt at any point around your waist, your shirt is too revealing and you need to hide your midriff or "tuck in yuh belly" as the Jamaicans say. This is ridiculous. Really. Why must I state the obvious so often when in regards to clothing selection. Y'all are buggin'.
I never thought I would have to say this but dudes are not supposed to be dancing with each other in the club. I don't care how non-gay you think you look jumping up and down to Meek Mill tracks with your arms very heterosexually hooked around your homeboys. Don't do that shit. Especially if you don't have your designated space aka a booth to do so. 'Cause now I gotta duck and dodge while you fools carry on in the centre of the dance floor, in hopes you won't sock me in the eye with your elbow or stomp carelessly on my cute shoes and fresh pedicure.
I don't know what it is that makes people forget about the fact that they share space with people. This isn't exclusive to just the club but the worst violations do occur here. We know, it's hot and crowded. At some point you will have to enter that sacred personal bubble of space reserved just for one person. It happens. But while in that space, is it too much to ask for a little consideration? A simple "excuse me" while passing someone, or an innocent "I'm sorry" if you bump someone's drink or accidentally spill yours. These things take absolutely nothing away from you, and can make a world of difference in your clubbing experience. On one hand, you make your parents proud that they taught you some GODDAMN manners, people are more likely to give you the space you need if you can just be polite about it. And on the other hand you avoid the unnecessary drama that comes with not acknowledging an innocent mistake like stepping on someone's shoe, brushing them or spilling a drink. It's so simple I don't know why more people don't do it.
I know the city is small. We all seem to know each other one way or another. So, to the very specific group of ladies I'm about to address, please understand this: I'm not knockin' the hustle. With that said, when I'm getting ready to go to the club, and I do my little "idiot check" to make sure I'm not forgetting anything, there's not much I need to bring. Keys, lighter, smokes/Pre-rolled doobies, ID, phone, lip gloss/stick, money. That's it! I almost never bring a purse. And if I do it's a small clutch or pouch. So, to the girls standing in the booths (or not) with the super long hair, long nails and notorious B.I.G. purse.... That huge bag.... Is like a fucking neon sign that flashes STRIPPER. I'm sorry, maybe y'all don't care, but HONESTLY, WHAT'S IN THAT BAG? What could YOU ladies possibly need more than I do, that requires you to bring that Louis Vuitton Speedy 30 to the club? Pepper spray does NOT take up that much space. Perhaps it's just a show off thing. Maybe y'all just want people to SEE that you have a nice bag. Sure. But FYI Louis Vuitton also has beautiful clutches and evening bags sweetie. This is not a "go big or go home" situation. It's just another night at the club.
The Articulate Bitch
Wednesday 11 April 2012
Me vs "Killa Season"
So this dude from my high school has always had a minor thing for me. Used to shoot me his number on the low (he had a girlfriend), tried to finger bang my little virgin cooka a couple times, etc.
Y'all know I'm gonna keep it ALL THE WAY REAL here. I didn't give this guy NO play until years after we had both graduated. Out of boredom, curiosity and probably horniness, I let him hit. Was it good? Nah. I was too young and inexperienced in sex (at the time... Heh heh heh) to know the difference. At the time his Lil Richard was the biggest dick I'd seen (or felt). So my poor little hole.... You can only imagine.
So very recently we linked up again and no word of a lie my inner hoe kicked in and I just wanted to test drive the shit again. So of course we're texting back and forth and he asks me "so... Do you suck dick?" my response, "I'm 23 yrs old. High school been over for a long time of course I do," he was OBVIOUSLY pleased with my response. Time passes and I say to myself (and then to him via text) "wait, I never asked if you eat pussy yet,". My American readers, and some of my sexually liberated Canadian readers are probably wondering why I would even ask that question. The answer: sadly many black men still refuse to eat the box. Sad but true. His response: "never been asked except once and I declined,".
So of course I take that as a challenge. He gets here a couple days later and the topic comes up. I tell him I give but not I I don't receive (translation: WHAT DAT MOUF DO?) he of course doesn't like that answer. We smoke a lil bit and he talks about it AGAIN. I give him the same response adding: "if you don't want to do it, don't. You'll be terrible at it." Long story short I took ol' tongue virginity with mutha fuckin' Killa Season (the DVD) playin' in the background.
Was he good? Sheeeeeeeeit. After some hoe coaching (s/o @passport_cutty) hell yeah he was good. Gave him the step by step run down on clit suckin' and it was a wrap.
Cheers to the freakin' weekend!!!!!
The Articulate Bitch
Y'all know I'm gonna keep it ALL THE WAY REAL here. I didn't give this guy NO play until years after we had both graduated. Out of boredom, curiosity and probably horniness, I let him hit. Was it good? Nah. I was too young and inexperienced in sex (at the time... Heh heh heh) to know the difference. At the time his Lil Richard was the biggest dick I'd seen (or felt). So my poor little hole.... You can only imagine.
So very recently we linked up again and no word of a lie my inner hoe kicked in and I just wanted to test drive the shit again. So of course we're texting back and forth and he asks me "so... Do you suck dick?" my response, "I'm 23 yrs old. High school been over for a long time of course I do," he was OBVIOUSLY pleased with my response. Time passes and I say to myself (and then to him via text) "wait, I never asked if you eat pussy yet,". My American readers, and some of my sexually liberated Canadian readers are probably wondering why I would even ask that question. The answer: sadly many black men still refuse to eat the box. Sad but true. His response: "never been asked except once and I declined,".
So of course I take that as a challenge. He gets here a couple days later and the topic comes up. I tell him I give but not I I don't receive (translation: WHAT DAT MOUF DO?) he of course doesn't like that answer. We smoke a lil bit and he talks about it AGAIN. I give him the same response adding: "if you don't want to do it, don't. You'll be terrible at it." Long story short I took ol' tongue virginity with mutha fuckin' Killa Season (the DVD) playin' in the background.
Was he good? Sheeeeeeeeit. After some hoe coaching (s/o @passport_cutty) hell yeah he was good. Gave him the step by step run down on clit suckin' and it was a wrap.
Cheers to the freakin' weekend!!!!!
The Articulate Bitch
Single vs Settling-DOWN
After another night of engaging convo with my partner in crime (figuratively)Pinky, I find myself frantically typing away with my thumbs again.
Every day we hear women saying the same things; "there are no good men anymore.... Why can't I find a man?.... All the good ones are gay or taken." (the last one, remarkably true in many cases). So after years of hearing the same complaint, is it so far off to believe the theory? Are all the good men really taken?
My mother would scold me like a child for discussing this, "You're only 23! Who the fuck cares?!", well Mom, I care. Of course I know that I don't need another person in my life to validate me or complete me. Of course I know that keeping my own life as a priority is key. Of course I know not to depend on anyone else for my own happiness. Hopefully the lovely folks reading this know the same about themselves too (and if your mom didn't tell you, I'm telling you now. Believe it). I was always told that you can't love anyone else until you love yourself. Well I've been loving myself for quite some time now, I'm looking to lighten the load just a tad, ya feel me?
I can chant positive mantras to myself all day long, but all this self-affirmation ain't landing me, or any other female, a decent boyfriend. Look around you. We witness even the 'happiest' couples go through serious issues. I'll be honest, it does nothing to restore faith in the concept of relationships.
Worse is now young couples have children in their mix. So the immaturity of age, mixed with the irresponsibility of inexperience with just a dash of "fuck monogamy" creates a volatile mixture of fuckery. There is no escape! We've got girls thinking children will make dudes stay in relationships with them. Dudes getting pissed when one of their 4 baby momma's gets a boyfriend (even though he isn't with any of them). And a whole ratchet concoction of misguided bullshit that leaves me wondering why decent people (men and women alike) are not able to find someone decent like themselves to be with.
What are we EXPECTED to do? Sit here and pretend we're not worth better than the people we've already suffered? Are we supposed to just settle DOWN? Personally, I don't believe anyone should settle for less than what they want. My manager told me one day "never waste even a MOMENT of your life". Now, think to yourself, you beautiful person you, what is the number one thing you said to yourself when you left a relationship? "I WASTED SO MUCH TIME!"
Seriously. I think it's fear. We've been through these relationships. They've ended badly and we don't want to go through it again. Then we witness the atrocities in other peoples' relationships and vow "that will never be me". So where does that leave us 'decent people'? We know from experience what we have to offer in a relationships. We've learned enough to change our ways for the better. And yet here we all are, single, bitter, angry and afraid yet lonely.
We don't want to be hurt again. Fair. No one does. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. Of course, this is another situation where I will have to take my own advice. But bwoooooooy!!!! I'm deadass afraid. No lies. Positive vibes for us all as we embark on this scary-as-fuck adventure together. Cheers to decent people. May happiness find us all. LOL.
The Articulate Bitch
Every day we hear women saying the same things; "there are no good men anymore.... Why can't I find a man?.... All the good ones are gay or taken." (the last one, remarkably true in many cases). So after years of hearing the same complaint, is it so far off to believe the theory? Are all the good men really taken?
My mother would scold me like a child for discussing this, "You're only 23! Who the fuck cares?!", well Mom, I care. Of course I know that I don't need another person in my life to validate me or complete me. Of course I know that keeping my own life as a priority is key. Of course I know not to depend on anyone else for my own happiness. Hopefully the lovely folks reading this know the same about themselves too (and if your mom didn't tell you, I'm telling you now. Believe it). I was always told that you can't love anyone else until you love yourself. Well I've been loving myself for quite some time now, I'm looking to lighten the load just a tad, ya feel me?
I can chant positive mantras to myself all day long, but all this self-affirmation ain't landing me, or any other female, a decent boyfriend. Look around you. We witness even the 'happiest' couples go through serious issues. I'll be honest, it does nothing to restore faith in the concept of relationships.
Worse is now young couples have children in their mix. So the immaturity of age, mixed with the irresponsibility of inexperience with just a dash of "fuck monogamy" creates a volatile mixture of fuckery. There is no escape! We've got girls thinking children will make dudes stay in relationships with them. Dudes getting pissed when one of their 4 baby momma's gets a boyfriend (even though he isn't with any of them). And a whole ratchet concoction of misguided bullshit that leaves me wondering why decent people (men and women alike) are not able to find someone decent like themselves to be with.
What are we EXPECTED to do? Sit here and pretend we're not worth better than the people we've already suffered? Are we supposed to just settle DOWN? Personally, I don't believe anyone should settle for less than what they want. My manager told me one day "never waste even a MOMENT of your life". Now, think to yourself, you beautiful person you, what is the number one thing you said to yourself when you left a relationship? "I WASTED SO MUCH TIME!"
Seriously. I think it's fear. We've been through these relationships. They've ended badly and we don't want to go through it again. Then we witness the atrocities in other peoples' relationships and vow "that will never be me". So where does that leave us 'decent people'? We know from experience what we have to offer in a relationships. We've learned enough to change our ways for the better. And yet here we all are, single, bitter, angry and afraid yet lonely.
We don't want to be hurt again. Fair. No one does. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. Of course, this is another situation where I will have to take my own advice. But bwoooooooy!!!! I'm deadass afraid. No lies. Positive vibes for us all as we embark on this scary-as-fuck adventure together. Cheers to decent people. May happiness find us all. LOL.
The Articulate Bitch
Sunday 8 April 2012
Pathetic Crush
This is gonna be one of those "oh shit Jamz has feelings too!" posts. Bear with me, I'll try to keep the simpery to a minimum.
I dunno if it's considered normal or what but I've had a crush on the same dude for 2 years. I've been involved with other dudes in that time but only cuz this dude is probably one of the only dudes I've encountered that shows me no love. I'm talking zero play whatsoever. It's frustrating as fuck. One of my friends very smartly said "you probably like him because we all want what we can't have." to which I responded "bitch! I can have what I want."
Now, perhaps I jumped the gun saying I can have what I want seeing as how in two whole years I've perhaps only seen dude face to face 5 times and NEVER on the ones. I know I know. I said it was pathetic so stop sitting there judging me. Fuck.
What? You gon' say some shit like "you should tell him how you feel." oh. Really? You don't think I've thought of that already? That nigga knows! I've told him. On more than a few occasions actually. No, I haven't been harassing him about it. I'm not out here letting my heart bleed and spilling my guts. But he knows where my head is at.
At one point I got so fed up I stopped talking to him altogether. Seriously. I don't like feeling ignored, I guess I'm a bit of a brat that way. Of course he popped up out of nowhere later and I couldn't resist the opportunity to talk to him. Nothing had changed though.
I don't know what drives me more crazy; the fact that he shows me no play or the fact that I still talk to him like I'm gonna get somewhere with him. Yes he answers my texts and shit. Yes we maintain conversation. We see each other among mutual friends and shit. We've even smoked together. And still.... Nadda. I must be BooBoo the fucking Fool to continue on the way I do. But I can't help it. He's a lot of the things I look for in dudes.
However, he's always around beautiful girls in his line of work. No, generally speaking I'm not insecure, but I can't ignore the fact. I might be cute, but so are lots of these girls he deals with. I always wondered if I could be setting myself up for a bad situation. Trusting a dude around beautiful and nearly naked females is like sending a pedophile to a playground. He knows he's wrong but his dick doesn't.
I'm just persistent. I've said before that I'll chase him until someone else captures my attention the way he does. But it's been two years. Maybe the reason no one else has captured my attention is because it's focused on him.
I dunno. I'm not trying to say "fuck him" but I might have to for my own sanity. Truth is, he just doesn't take me serious. I've said whatever could be said. I've done whatever could be done to show him otherwise. But if he hasn't been able to see it for two years, the nigga is just blind. I can't make anyone see something they don't want to.
I tell girls all the time not to waste time and emotion on anyone who won't do the same yet I can't take my own advice. Hypocritical. Yes. Well, I'll do what I can not to be a hypocrite after this post. Have patience though.
The Articulate Bitch
Friday 6 April 2012
Club Chronicles
So I'm rollin fresh out the club. By rollin I mean I'm ACTUALLY. But anyway....
So I went to the club and all brands of FUCKERY were before me. Let me set the scene.... I can't I don't want to name names and places. But... If you know me well enough you'll get the picture. But I was every type of inebriated. Popped one, smoked 5, drank a Lil bit. Plus a RAMMED club with every fucking person in the city in attendance.
I'm gonna start with the people who bother you about following them on twitter or texting them. Seriously, what makes you think NOW, at the club, when I have my fourth or fifth drink and my third or fourth spliff, rollin' on my first or second Molly, is a good time to ask me why I didn't follow you back on twitter. Seriously. Why not just... Oh, I dunno... TWEET ME?
Secondly, ladies... Seriously... And I know I'm goin to offend someone, I guess I'm sorry that you're mad but I'm not sorry for he level of truth here. I know we live in times where being edgy and unique is desirable, but some of the shit y'all be doing is just SO unnecessary. I'm seeing all types of hair styles that shouldn't be done on certain folks, others that shouldn't be on ANYONE. Not even just the styles, y'all comin with some colors too. Shawty, some shit is ONLY for white people. I have a million and one tattoos, my head is shaved I have superhellanuff piercings and shit. I've had green hair for fucks sake. And still, I would not try half the shit y'all do. There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity. A lot of y'all are habitual line steppers. Pull it back. Please. You're embarrassing every other black girl in the club with respectable hair. Seriously. Get this shit together.
Ladies, this is for y'all AGAIN. Know your size. KNOW your size. Know YOUR size. Know your SIZE. KNOW YOUR SIZE. Holy fuck. Spandex was not made for everyone. I'm skinny as fuck with all small everything (my bum is so cute though, just take my word for it). I can't get away with everything. I don't wear things that require cleavage. Why? Cuz bitch, unless sternum became cleavage and I wasn't informed, that shit ain't cute. You're big, so maybe a spandex catsuit isn't your best plan of action. Furthermore you and ALL your big friends are at the club and all of y'all wearing skin tight shit. You guys are HORRIBLE friends. NOT ONE OF Y'ALL could have the sense to say "Yo, Shaneesherah... We look like the new exhibit at Marine Land." dead ass, and I'm not even trying to get at big girls, because some look like I might wanna do some pushin of that cushion, but y'all not helping y'all selves by looking' like u gon' jump off the floor to kiss my cheek while I stand on the couch in the booth. This ain't the beluga whale tank.
Fellas take a hint of a chick don't wanna talk to you. Just let the shit go. All this persistence is annoying. The club is already not a place to take any advances from a dude serious so stop grabbing my fucking hand, or holding me around my waist and breathing all that blasphemous Grey Goose in my fucking face. I don't want your number, I don't even HAVE a pin, and you're a dirty nigga for having a struggleberry and you're dissing cuz you assumed I had one. So in every language on earth: No. Curve. The fuck outta here. Team Hennessy.
Don't ask me why you always see me in the club. Matter of fact I don't even like your tone. Why do you need to concern yourself with my social life? And more importantly, if you always seeing me in the club that means your punk ass is there too. So chill out kettle, stop calling me black.
I'm not even gonna go in on everything. Cuz I'm sure there will be time to view more bullshit.
The Articulate Bitch
So I went to the club and all brands of FUCKERY were before me. Let me set the scene.... I can't I don't want to name names and places. But... If you know me well enough you'll get the picture. But I was every type of inebriated. Popped one, smoked 5, drank a Lil bit. Plus a RAMMED club with every fucking person in the city in attendance.
I'm gonna start with the people who bother you about following them on twitter or texting them. Seriously, what makes you think NOW, at the club, when I have my fourth or fifth drink and my third or fourth spliff, rollin' on my first or second Molly, is a good time to ask me why I didn't follow you back on twitter. Seriously. Why not just... Oh, I dunno... TWEET ME?
Secondly, ladies... Seriously... And I know I'm goin to offend someone, I guess I'm sorry that you're mad but I'm not sorry for he level of truth here. I know we live in times where being edgy and unique is desirable, but some of the shit y'all be doing is just SO unnecessary. I'm seeing all types of hair styles that shouldn't be done on certain folks, others that shouldn't be on ANYONE. Not even just the styles, y'all comin with some colors too. Shawty, some shit is ONLY for white people. I have a million and one tattoos, my head is shaved I have superhellanuff piercings and shit. I've had green hair for fucks sake. And still, I would not try half the shit y'all do. There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity. A lot of y'all are habitual line steppers. Pull it back. Please. You're embarrassing every other black girl in the club with respectable hair. Seriously. Get this shit together.
Ladies, this is for y'all AGAIN. Know your size. KNOW your size. Know YOUR size. Know your SIZE. KNOW YOUR SIZE. Holy fuck. Spandex was not made for everyone. I'm skinny as fuck with all small everything (my bum is so cute though, just take my word for it). I can't get away with everything. I don't wear things that require cleavage. Why? Cuz bitch, unless sternum became cleavage and I wasn't informed, that shit ain't cute. You're big, so maybe a spandex catsuit isn't your best plan of action. Furthermore you and ALL your big friends are at the club and all of y'all wearing skin tight shit. You guys are HORRIBLE friends. NOT ONE OF Y'ALL could have the sense to say "Yo, Shaneesherah... We look like the new exhibit at Marine Land." dead ass, and I'm not even trying to get at big girls, because some look like I might wanna do some pushin of that cushion, but y'all not helping y'all selves by looking' like u gon' jump off the floor to kiss my cheek while I stand on the couch in the booth. This ain't the beluga whale tank.
Fellas take a hint of a chick don't wanna talk to you. Just let the shit go. All this persistence is annoying. The club is already not a place to take any advances from a dude serious so stop grabbing my fucking hand, or holding me around my waist and breathing all that blasphemous Grey Goose in my fucking face. I don't want your number, I don't even HAVE a pin, and you're a dirty nigga for having a struggleberry and you're dissing cuz you assumed I had one. So in every language on earth: No. Curve. The fuck outta here. Team Hennessy.
Don't ask me why you always see me in the club. Matter of fact I don't even like your tone. Why do you need to concern yourself with my social life? And more importantly, if you always seeing me in the club that means your punk ass is there too. So chill out kettle, stop calling me black.
I'm not even gonna go in on everything. Cuz I'm sure there will be time to view more bullshit.
The Articulate Bitch
Tuesday 3 April 2012
Casual Consistency
I'll stop you right there. No, this is not a lonely, horny girl tirade. I'm not dick deprived and suffering from withdrawal. I'm just making an observation. As usual. Enough with the disclaimer.
You know what I miss? Consistent sex. I don't mean the average, everyday, run of the mill sex. Consistent sex refers to that regularly scheduled dick that never disappoints. That 'just because' or that 'you know what time it is' sex. That sex you don't have to ask for or plan, it's just understood.
The best part of consistent sex is the way it develops. It never begins as consistent, it starts off as casual. That "it just sorta happened" sex. Those ones where maybe it's a friend of yours who after a drink and some high grade kush, flipped you on your back one night and gave you the business. That unplanned shit.
Casual sex is fun in the sense that it's a surprise. You don't know what to expect. You're just hoping its good. Casual sex can do wonders for your ego too. It's not (and never should be) about feeling. No. Casual sex is called casual for a reason. It's informal. This is not your boyfriend, he doesn't love you, he's not going to make love to you (unless that's just his style.... Which might be concerning), and after y'all have finished wearing each other out, you're not going to cuddle and pillow talk. You're probably going to high five (shoutout @NerdAtTheCoolTable for that blog post on the After-Sex High Five), smoke a blunt and part ways (the high five and blunt being strictly optional).
Consistent sex comes in when the casual sex y'all had, mixed with the level of comfort y'all have with each other, allows for multiple casual encounters of the satisfying kind. You guys have chemistry or whatever. Sex with someone you don't give two shits about can be good, no doubt. Sex when you're in love is awesome though. Consistent sex is he best of both worlds. You have the quantity and quality of "deep in love relationship" sex without the obsessive attachment that comes with emotions. Essentially, this is the sex you have with a 'cutty buddy' or 'fuck friend'.
I hear y'all over there being all doubtful. Many people think this sort of relationship isn't possible. That men and women can't be just friends, much less friends who fuck. Grow up. If you don't know how to separate the physical from the emotional... Go get you a boyfriend. Clearly you need someone to care about your feelings and tell you that your body is a wonderland. I've had a successful fuck friend. And we're still friends to this day. Why? Because neither of us gave a fuck about the other's feelings. It was strictly physical. We even talked shit afterward. Dude went thru his BBM list (yes this was back in the days of the struggle berry) and showed me all the girls he slept with while we laughed at he horror stories of terrible box and head game.
See? No emotion. Just sex. If your heart is broken and you're still punishing the male species for what that last dude did, you need to flex your chill muscle. You're being literal penis repellent, and lack of sex makes many people miserable. So, go engage in some (SAFE) casual sex and release that stress. If your lucky, you may end up with something consistent. But don't let your emotions ruin a good thing. My advice is not to push for something you don't know he wants. If he brings it to you then hey, run with it. But if it's just sex... Let it be JUST SEX.
The Articulate Bitch
You know what I miss? Consistent sex. I don't mean the average, everyday, run of the mill sex. Consistent sex refers to that regularly scheduled dick that never disappoints. That 'just because' or that 'you know what time it is' sex. That sex you don't have to ask for or plan, it's just understood.
The best part of consistent sex is the way it develops. It never begins as consistent, it starts off as casual. That "it just sorta happened" sex. Those ones where maybe it's a friend of yours who after a drink and some high grade kush, flipped you on your back one night and gave you the business. That unplanned shit.
Casual sex is fun in the sense that it's a surprise. You don't know what to expect. You're just hoping its good. Casual sex can do wonders for your ego too. It's not (and never should be) about feeling. No. Casual sex is called casual for a reason. It's informal. This is not your boyfriend, he doesn't love you, he's not going to make love to you (unless that's just his style.... Which might be concerning), and after y'all have finished wearing each other out, you're not going to cuddle and pillow talk. You're probably going to high five (shoutout @NerdAtTheCoolTable for that blog post on the After-Sex High Five), smoke a blunt and part ways (the high five and blunt being strictly optional).
Consistent sex comes in when the casual sex y'all had, mixed with the level of comfort y'all have with each other, allows for multiple casual encounters of the satisfying kind. You guys have chemistry or whatever. Sex with someone you don't give two shits about can be good, no doubt. Sex when you're in love is awesome though. Consistent sex is he best of both worlds. You have the quantity and quality of "deep in love relationship" sex without the obsessive attachment that comes with emotions. Essentially, this is the sex you have with a 'cutty buddy' or 'fuck friend'.
I hear y'all over there being all doubtful. Many people think this sort of relationship isn't possible. That men and women can't be just friends, much less friends who fuck. Grow up. If you don't know how to separate the physical from the emotional... Go get you a boyfriend. Clearly you need someone to care about your feelings and tell you that your body is a wonderland. I've had a successful fuck friend. And we're still friends to this day. Why? Because neither of us gave a fuck about the other's feelings. It was strictly physical. We even talked shit afterward. Dude went thru his BBM list (yes this was back in the days of the struggle berry) and showed me all the girls he slept with while we laughed at he horror stories of terrible box and head game.
See? No emotion. Just sex. If your heart is broken and you're still punishing the male species for what that last dude did, you need to flex your chill muscle. You're being literal penis repellent, and lack of sex makes many people miserable. So, go engage in some (SAFE) casual sex and release that stress. If your lucky, you may end up with something consistent. But don't let your emotions ruin a good thing. My advice is not to push for something you don't know he wants. If he brings it to you then hey, run with it. But if it's just sex... Let it be JUST SEX.
The Articulate Bitch
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