Pathetic Crush

 

This is gonna be one of those "oh shit Jamz has feelings too!" posts. Bear with me, I'll try to keep the simpery to a minimum. 

I dunno if it's considered normal or what but I've had a crush on the same dude for 2 years. I've been involved with other dudes in that time but only cuz this dude is probably one of the only dudes I've encountered that shows me no love. I'm talking zero play whatsoever.  It's frustrating as fuck. One of my friends very smartly said "you probably like him because we all want what we can't have." to which I responded "bitch! I can have what I want."

Now, perhaps I jumped the gun saying I can have what I want seeing as how in two whole years I've perhaps only seen dude face to face 5 times and NEVER on the ones. I know I know. I said it was pathetic so stop sitting there judging me. Fuck. 

What? You gon' say some shit like "you should tell him how you feel." oh. Really? You don't think I've thought of that already? That nigga knows! I've told him. On more than a few occasions actually. No, I haven't been harassing him about it. I'm not out here letting my heart bleed and spilling my guts. But he knows where my head is at. 

At one point I got so fed up I stopped talking to him altogether. Seriously. I don't like feeling ignored, I guess I'm a bit of a brat that way. Of course he popped up out of nowhere later and I couldn't resist the opportunity to talk to him. Nothing had changed though. 

I don't know what drives me more crazy; the fact that he shows me no play or the fact that I still talk to him like I'm gonna get somewhere with him. Yes he answers my texts and shit. Yes we maintain conversation. We see each other among mutual friends and shit. We've even smoked together. And still.... Nadda.  I must be BooBoo the fucking Fool to continue on the way I do. But I can't help it. He's a lot of the things I look for in dudes. 

However, he's always around beautiful girls in his line of work. No, generally speaking I'm not insecure, but I can't ignore the fact. I might be cute, but so are lots of these girls he deals with. I always wondered if I could be setting myself up for a bad situation. Trusting a dude around beautiful and nearly naked females is like sending a pedophile to a playground. He knows he's wrong but his dick doesn't. 

I'm just persistent. I've said before that I'll chase him until someone else captures my attention the way he does. But it's been two years. Maybe the reason no one else has captured my attention is because it's focused on him. 

I dunno. I'm not trying to say "fuck him" but I might have to for my own sanity. Truth is, he just doesn't take me serious. I've said whatever could be said. I've done whatever could be done to show him otherwise. But if he hasn't been able to see it for two years, the nigga is just blind. I can't make anyone see something they don't want to. 

I tell girls all the time not to waste time and emotion on anyone who won't do the same yet I can't take my own advice. Hypocritical. Yes. Well, I'll do what I can not to be a hypocrite after this post. Have patience though. 

The Articulate Bitch