L'Etiquette du Stoners

I've written something just like this previously. 

The world over, people always look down on us stoners as though we are some sort of dirty heathen for partaking in THC consumption. Well I'm going to shed some light on how we stoners conduct ourselves within our social and smoking ciphers. 

1. Rollers Rights - simply put, ye who rolls always sparks first, unless handed off to someone else. That is the ONLY exception. 

2. Rotation - pass to the left. Period. 

3.  Steaming - this is when someone hogs the spliff/blunt. Frowned upon, especially in rotations with 3 or more people. Puff puff and pass. Simple. It's coming right back around anyway. 

4. Juicing - this is one of the most annoying things you can do in rotation. There's nothing that pisses off a smoker more than being handed the spliff/blunt and seeing the end sopping wet, drooping and soggy. I don't know what it is juicers do to have this happen. It's like they suck on the joint like a straw. Bottom line don't salivate all over the shit. NO ONE likes it. 

5. Awareness - especially when smoking with people you don't know well. There are weird people in the world, everyone likes to be reassured in what they're smoking. Be somewhat considerate of the folks you're smoking with. Some people don't like ciggaweed, others don't smoke blunts. Just keep in mind who you're smoking with. 

6. Pre-Rolling - this is reserved for outdoor/public smoking. Pre-rolling is good for when you don't know when or where you'll get to smoke, like club nights or Pre-movie tokes. Don't Pre-roll before sessions with people you don't know, most will pass on the spliff if they didn't watch you roll it. 

7. Stoner Dates - boy-girl smoke session. According to age old gender roles, the dude brings the weed when a stoner date occurs. You'd pay for dinner right? If you happen to be smoking with a trill bitch, she'll supply the blunt or at the very least, she'll roll for you. Since munchies are a must, fellas this becomes your area of responsibility again, unless homegirl plans on cooking or fixing y'all something (in which case you should marry that bitch).

8. Newbies - y'all lil niggaz with virgin lungs. Most of the time newbies are folks who have smoked before but aren't stoners. You as a veteran gotta know that his person is probably going to be an annoying mess. Just be ready for it. And as a newbie, you gotta know when to tap out. 

9. Mooching - obviously frowned upon. Self-explanatory. 

10. Robbing the session - every smoker knows, shit just seems to disappear after a session. Lighters go missing, papers get pocketed all types of shit. Lighters are a forgivable offense, we all lose them and find them. Papers are a different story. Anything other than Zig Zags should never be pocketed. 

Now perhaps non-smokers can see that we stoners aren't barbarians at all. We have rules and guidelines, manners and etiquette. Just like regular manners, not everyone knows how to behave. But for the most part, these unwritten rules of smokery are understood and followed. Give us some credit. We can be classy about our vices too. 

The Articulate Bitch