No Boyfriend of Mine

This is meant to be funny, but I'm dead serious. Yes, I will acknowledge that some dudes are exceptions. But these are still my rules beeeeeeitch. 

No boyfriend of mine:

1. Will wear a True Religion strap-back hat. I hate them. There is nothing cool about them. Matter of fact, that shit is reserved strictly for the euro-trash types and Asians. When have flex-fit hats EVER been cool for niggaz? This goes for them Polo shits too. I am just NOT fuckin' with the strap backs with the bent beaks. No! Fuck outta here. Just because it's True Religion does NOT mean it looks good. Stop that shit. 

2. Will wear baggy pants. There is no negotiating this WHATSOEVER. The 90s are over. Thank you. 

3. Will play Nicki Minaj. I had an incident where I was in a vehicle and a nigga legitimately started bumping Pink Friday. Needless to say I felt very uncomfortable. Female rappers are kinda reserved for bitches. I'm not saying dudes can't appreciate her but don't be rapping verses. 

4. Will smoke weed without the ability to roll his own. I'm sorry, but I pride myself on my roll game. I smoke everyday. This shit is sacred. Under no circumstances should I have to roll EVERY time we smoke together. This dude I used to fuck with a couple years couldn't roll to save his life and refused to learn. I uses to HATE being stoned as fuck having to summon the strength to roll again cuz this nigga clearly wasn't bout that life. 

5. Will be a tattoo virgin. Seems superficial, but my reasoning is perfectly sound, I assure you. I'm not exclusively attracted to tatted guys but I do prefer them. For one, obviously we have that in common. Second, when it comes time to get serious and meet parents, there is no shock or surprise. I can't have the 'why did you do that?' convo. And besides, tattoos are sexy. 

6. Will listen to Lil B or Soulja Boy. I can't stress this enough. I just can't partake. I'm tired of people trying so hard to convince me these two are worth listening to. All I hear is "Soulja Boy is rich and Lil B is a genius" yeah whatever. *yawn* When I hear them rap I feel my brain liquefying and turning into mush. It's quite unpleasant. 

Of course there are things like personality and finances that matter but those are obvious. Sometimes we need to look at the little things too. Y'dig.

The Articulate Bitch