Back like cooked crack!!!! Fuck this! I miss telling y'all all the bullshit I see in the club. I miss sharing the experience with you and most of all I miss laughing while I write these things. So club chronicles back. Don't get caught slippin' cuz I'm gon' blooogggg you I'm gon' blooogggg you. Okay okay... Fuego.
I wanna make this the Halloween edition but since a lot of this applies on a regular club night ....
Ladies... Why are we still having this conversation? WEAR YOUR FUCKING SIZE! I saw all chunky everything last night. Chunky "sexy" cat woman, chunky "sexy" fairy, chunky "sexy" angel, chunky "sexy" chola.... No. Stop this. I know every female wants to be something "sexy" or "slutty" for halloween but for one, that shit has been done to death and two that shit doesn't come in your size. So cut it out. You don't look good and your friends are evil for making you think otherwise.
***We interrupt this post for an awkward moment***
That awkward moment a clique of seven girls walks in... And they're ALL the ugly friend. Yeah. I'm sad.
***...Back to our regular scheduled fuck shit***
Fellas, y'all gotta learn to respect the curve. I'm jumping around on the couch at Church and one of my niggaz homie decides to invade my sacred couch space to try and catch a bubble from the kid. Real shit homie musta grabbed my waist five times, getting curved each and every time. Plus my nigga was warning him to fall binack and in my nigga's own words he "doesn't fuckin' listen" because he was pressing' me like a space bar, word to Nicki. Ayo, I'm not trying to be coy or cute or play hard to get when I give niggaz the curve. I'm not interested, I don't dance with niggaz, and don't you ever... eva eva eeeeva... eva eva eeeeva.... Invade my couch space. There are plenty of females loose off that goose who will dance with you ON THE DANCEFLOOR. Basically... Fuck off.
Although my Molly poppin' days are done, it's obviously very popular amongst club folks. Many times with the females who don't party often and wanna "just have fun" for one night. I find 8 times outta 10 though, it's dudes offering girls Molly. So let me address those dudes right quick: stop giving ugly girls Ms. A hot girl looks happy and sexy (most times) if she's rolling. An ugly bitch on one makes you wanna dig out both eyes with a spoon on some Houston shit, and throw up on yourself. It's so unattractive. I mean, they already are, but let's not add fuel to the fire. They get amped and hyper and attract the wrong attention. Stop making these girls the laughing stock of the party. That's not nice.
Drink choice is just that, a choice. We drink Hennessy because it's a better drunk than Grey Goose. I tweet about it so much Hennessy should be cutting me a check (for the record there is currently a Hennessy shortage in Toronto... We go hard). More than a few people have told me they either tried or switched to Hennessy because of how much we praise it. That being said, don't go copying us then mixing with other liquors all night, then wanna blame the Hennessy. No. Hennessy didn't make you face plant on the sidewalk in the club district or vomit on the curb and lose your shoe. Your drunk liquor gluttonous self did. You know why you don't hear us complain about it? Why we still swear by it? Why we drink up to 6 bottles a weekend of it? Because we appreciate loyalty. We don't fuck with other alcohol so we don't get FUCKED by other alcohol the way y'all mixin' folks do. Whatever....choose as you please but don't blame #teamhennessy for a damn thing. We skraight.
The Articulate Bitch
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