Only In Toronto

The city of Townsville....

Nah, it's Toronto. Screwface capital of the world. Land of pump fakes and real talent. I've lived here all my life and I love it love it love it, even when it drives me crazy.

Sometimes I say things around folks from other places forgetting they can't relate to the same things us Torontonians can. This city has a culture all to itself that is both amazing and terrifying at times. If you're from here, you'll nod in agreement and if you're not, well here's some education for your next trip to my city.

Only in Toronto, do you have an argument amongst your friends about which Chinese restaurant to eat at after the club. "New Ho King!" "No! Garden!" "Fuck garden! Hong Shing!" (cue the random Scarborough friend) "Well, I want Perfect's". Yep, it's all Chinese, and yep, this argument is totally valid because each spot makes something the other ones don't make as good. The constant battle. Never ends.

Only in Toronto has Wetbar replaced Thursday on the calendar. Whether you love it or hate it, everybody knows where the party is on a Thursday night. Folks who haven't experienced it at its best always talk down on it, but for those of us who have enjoyed the wild and awesome Thursday nights there, there is literally nowhere else you'd rather be.

Only in Toronto are promoters, DJs/MCs, club goers and strippers the only celebrities. Why? Well because other than Drake and Melanie Fiona who else is recognizable? Exactly.

Only in Toronto do you prepare yourself to be yelled at by the old dude outside Forever 21 at Yonge and Dundas to "Believe in the lord" right before you cross the street and see the Eaton Centre pimp dressed head to toe in a 3 piece suit complete with gators and a matching fedora, carrying his cane and bible.

Only in Toronto are you certain to see at least one Degrassi star, comedian from Video on Trial, cast member from 1 Girl 5 Gays or Much Music host if you spend enough time hangin' out downtown. It's kinda cool actually. They all live, work and play in the city, and from my experience they're all very humble and approachable.

Only in Toronto has every lightskin model girl had sex with the same lightskin rapper nig..... Never mind.

Only in Toronto do you have to leave 15 minutes early for anything if you plan on takin' public transit. TTC always got some sort of delay going on slowing down the entire movement o your day. Detours, shuttle buses, emergencies at track level... It's always some form of fuckery.

Only in Toronto do folks have a favourite street meat truck outside city hall. That blue truck poutine is the shit!

Only in Toronto do you see badder females in the club than in the strip club.

Only in Toronto is the entertainment industry network so small, that making even one enemy in the wrong circle can black ball your career. Sad, yes. However, true nonetheless. I've watched it happen, on a couple occasions. It's pretty disturbing and disappointing. But certain people just don't want to see others flourish. It's a TDot thing.

Only in Toronto do we have some of the BADDEST females and the CORNIEST niggaz. The shit almost makes no sense. Beautiful girl after beautiful girl has no choice but to settle for some pump faking, no game having, unimportant dude within the city, or have a long distance relationship with a dude south of the border. It's sad and highly unfortunate for the ladies because it's like you have to settle if you want to settle down.

I know there are plenty more noteworthy points about the screwface capital. Leave your "only in Toronto" notes in the comments!

The Articulate Bitch