My Fake Realigion

It's a proven fact that people need something to believe in. Faith of some kind. They need something greater than themselves to belong to. For hundreds of years people have turned to organized religion to offer them peace. To guide their actions and decisions in life. To reassure them that the life they live before death is worth something. That's all fine and dandy, the whole learning right from wrong thing, but let's be real; organized religion is not all that fun. The words in scriptures are in a language many struggle to fully comprehend. We require detailed explanations, and comparisons to properly apply them to our lives.

What if there was something fun to believe in? Well here's a Real-igion. Just for fun. I'm converting the world to Truuuism.

What is Truuuism?
Truuuism is the belief in realness. The belief that all things in life are defined and resolved through truth.

In this real-igion 2 Chainz is the almighty. 2 is of course, The sacred number, as 2 is always better than 1. While realness was not invented by Tity Boy, Truuuism was born through him. Praises to the most fly.

Disciples/Prophets/Spiritual Advisors

As with any organized religion, there are figure heads. People whose words or actions are used to guide us in faith.

Cam'ron was my first ignorance advisor. Cockiness and swagger reincarnate. Unafraid, bold and confident. Cam has always been a trendsetter who does shit just because he can. Remember the pink? Yeah.

Kanye West is another shining example of ignorance in the flesh. The Katrina fundraiser video, award show antics, famous girlfriends, leather kilts, quotables on quotables and being Jay Z's closest homie definitely put him in the prophet category. As I'm writing this he's currently the most retweeted person on my TL. 'Nough said.

Which brings us to Jay Z. If ever there was an ignorant lyric to be found this man would have one. This is sophisticated ignorance of course. This is grown folks ignorance. Ignorance for the refined, suit wearing, Cohiba smoking individual. Years in the game and arguably the greatest rapper alive, he's the most seasoned prophet.

The next prophet is on a whole other spectrum to the last. Gucci Mane, the baller belly havin', ice cream on the face tatt having, Brick Squad, Atlanta native is one of the most ignorant niggaz alive. I mean really. No fucks given. Ever! In all honesty I can't explain his ignorance better than his lyrics can.

Uncle Juicy J, so called because a friend of mine once told me that Juicy was like "your drunk uncle", has to be on the list of prophets if not solely for the fact he has maintained popularity more recently through a whole new fan base. Unashamed and always high, everyone loves Uncle Juicy.

We can't ever ignore the divine feminine Ms Nicki Minaj. I mean Come Up DVD Nicki. I mean Nicki featuring Gucci Mane Nicki. I mean Itty Bitty Piggy Nicki. I mean Nicki featuring The Gawd 2Chainz Nicki. Ignorant as fuck Nicki. Nicki is also the patron Saint of the Chuuuch of Stacie. But we'll get to that later.

There are disciples of ignorance as well. Chief Keef, ASAP Rocky, and Azaelia Banks of the Church of Stacie.

Spiritual advisors in Truuuism are the DJs. They preach sermons at church to deliver the Word to the congregation.

Rituals

Communion is taken on the sabbath, Thursday, past midnight to celebrate a new day. Just like any religion, weekly attendance at church is encouraged, but not required. Communion is, of course, the holiest of liquors, Hennessy.

Birthdays are celebrated to full extents, as every new year is a blessing all to itself. Rituals include being adorned in fine garments and a champagne shower by your closest friend/s.

Prayer and meditation are also parts of Truuuism. Burning of the sacred herb. 'Nough said.

The Chuuuch of Stacie

The Chuuuch of Stacie is the female sect of Truuuism. Guided by the patron saint Nicki. No corny bitch shit or bum bitchness is tolerated in the Chuuuch and is punishable by banishment from the VIP.

Penance

Penance are not severe with Truuuism as it is understood that imperfection is part of life. Banishment for periods of time from realigious ceremonies and sermons are expected penance for any fakery or bitchnigganess. You may also be slandered on twitter and forced to tolerate it for being a fugayzi nigga.

Scripture & Holy Books

Anything containing the Word of a prophet or The Gawd 2Chainz himself is considered scripture. Passages are cited the same way Bible scriptures are. For example: Cowboys 10:1, is the Book (Mixtape) Codeine Cowboys, track 10 verse 1.

Get it? Got it? Good.
Let the church say "truuuuuuuuu."

The Articulate Bitch