Simp Simp Hooray

once again a twitter rant spills far over the 140 characters provided and ends up here. My sanctuary of words.

For those of us who have lived through failed relationship after another, we learn some things. Our pride becomes what protects us from suffering the way we did before. It's like having the angel and devil on each shoulder. The angel is your conscience telling you to only do good, while the devil draws you in seducing you with temptations of temporary satisfaction through sin.

I believe we have entities like the angel and devil which guide is through relationships as well. These subconscious entities are: the inner simp and the inner real nigga. These polar opposites rule the realm of emotion. The dictate whether we respond with emotion and heart or logic and mind.

The inner simp is clearly the emotional end of the spectrum. The "IS" is fragile, tame, flexible and generous. The simp never has her guard up because she trusts freely and loves blindly. She wears her heart on her sleeve and believes only the best about others.

The inner real nigga is driven by logic, educated through experience. The "IRN" is intelligent, witty, self-driven, free spirited and selfish. The real nigga has a constant emotional barrier built for self preservation. A layer of protection from emotional harm and a concrete wall of skepticism and cynicism to guard a previously broken heart. He can't trust you unless you prove it first.

Your inner simp is what makes you do the things even you find silly or corny or cliche with the opposite sex. You answer your phone in your cutest most alluring bedtime voice. You text smiley faces, hearts and kissy faces to him. You tweet subliminals about "him", and perhaps even find yourself quoting love song lyrics.

Your inner real nigga however, is not having it. Your IRN is asking him about his past relationships, present fuck friends and future expectations of the next female. The real nigga never let's him know how much you like him, because then he knows he can hurt you. The real nigga keeps him at arms length, just close enough to keep around and just far enough that he can't break your heart.

Your inner simp day dreams of him daily, causes that smile to creep across your face when you see his picture, makes you giggle dumbly when he texts you. The simp makes your friends warn you about "the last time you were this happy," yet pulls you down into the soft, fuzzy naïveté of infatuation in spite of your better judgement.

Your better judgement is your inner real nigga. The voice screaming at you to recall how you were hurt the last time. The real nigga wants you to be happy, but not if it means you will be in pain later at the same hands.

The real nigga is what made you hang up on him. The simp is what made you answer when he called you back.

IS: aww, I really like him!
IRN: fuck outta here. He's nothing special.
IS: but he's such a sweet guy, look what he texted me.
IRN: SO? You think you're the only girl he sends nice texts to?
IS: he said he really likes me though. He said those other girls don't mean anything.
IRN: yeah? So why do you keep seeing them like his pictures or tweet him things?
IS: you're being paranoid. What if he's being honest?
IRN: I'm paranoid? Maybe so, but the last time I let you do things we got hurt. What if he's lying?
IS: *sends smiley face with hearts for eyes*
IRN: *sends SMH text*
IS: what you do that for?!
IRN: well, what you do THAT for?!
IS: because I like him! What if I wanna be with him?
IRN: well I like us. What if I want us to just be happy?
IS: why can't I be happy with him?
IRN: why can't you be happy without him?
IS: I need him.
IRN: no, you don't.
IS: I need someone!
IRN: I don't need anyone.

Listen to only the simp, and you are destined to a life of emotional roller coasters, broken hearts, tear stained pillows and unfathomable abuse. You will be trampled, taken advantage of and hurt constantly because you are damned to trust everyone. Even those who are not worthy of it.

Follow only the real nigga and you are condemned to loneliness and misery. You will be cold-hearted, callous and unapproachable. You won't have a friend in the world, nor a person to show you love and affection. The loneliness will kill you.

The key is finding the happy balance. The comfortable grey area where you're letting your mind and heart both work together. Where you can feel with one and think with the other. Where your heart guides your love and your mind protects your best interests. Don't let your mind keep you from a possible good thing, but don't let your heart lead you into the dark blindly either. We all need love but don't want the pain of heartbreak. If we can find our own personal inner balance, dealing with the obstacles in our relationships will become easier. Perhaps then we can make them last.

The Articulate Bitch