I have always hated discussing this topic. I know I'm a girl and it's a part of my life and shit but I just find it gross. I hate everything associated with monthly bleeding. I hate tampon/pad commercials, I don't even know why they're necessary. I don't give a fuck about the most recent technology in absorption. As a mater of fact, whenever a new feature is developed in diapers the same becomes available for pads. It's hilarious and disturbing. I hate the cramps (I've been hospitalized three times), the pain killer popping, the PMS, the leak paranoia, the bloating... I HATE IT ALL. However, it is still an unavoidable part of life for us ladies. In light of this, I believe there are certain things we do and don't like about Eve's curse.
I was lucky, I wasn't stricken with this curse until my first year of high school, but when it happened I was so royally pissed my dad was confused. I screamed, yelled, cried and called my mom. She laughed and told me to chill but I hated it so much, and still do to this day. What do you mean 4 days of every month?! EVERY MONTH? Kill me. I'd rather be dead. I hated it at 13, I hate it now at 23.
On the plus side, when it does come I partially want to throw myself a party for making it one more month without catching the deadly pregnancy disease. I know, on rare occasions some girls will still bleed during their pregnancies but for the past 10 years I have not been one of them. I've only been pregnancy paranoid maybe 3 times in my life, 'cause condoms are my best friend, but I couldn't wait to see blood the coming weeks after an irresponsible night of fucking.
Cramps though! Nigga. This has to be the most painful thing next to child birth (I wonder if that's what labour feels like). I'm glad I don't own a gun or I may have blown my brain out years ago to escape the pain. Mine are terrible, some girls get none and I hate all you fortunate bitches. I get cold sweats, headaches and nausea amongst other things. I've fainted in my dad's kitchen, in my bathroom, and even in an elevator from the pain. YES, IT'S THAT SERIOUS. My pain tolerance is super high, but I've been hooked up to IVs with a morphine drip for these suckers. Shit is so real.
However, being on your rag gives you a valid excuse to deny sexual advances (although some dudes will gladly run a red light) and even justify ignorant mood swings and bitchy behavior. But fellas, don't ever ask a girl if she's on her period if she snaps at you. If you're wrong she's gonna bite your head off. If you're right she's gonna bite your head off. Just skip it. Trust me on this one.
I still hate how it dictates my clothing choices. No light coloured jeans, just forget about wearing white and skirts are a bit risky. Tight clothes are iffy because of the bloating too. Man I live in sweats those days out of the month. Fuck dressing cute.
The food cravings can be bad I guess, but I love food so it's a plus in my books. I crave everything. Pepsi is my telltale drink of choice along with anything chocolate (that's kinda all the time though). Sitting in sweats popping extra strength pain killers eating food? Sign me up.
I don't discuss my reds with dudes, but the odd fella will ask me about it. Mostly when it is, we all know why they wanna know that. But some guys are awesome about it. My ex would make me tea, bring me pills, smoke me a blunt and rub my tummy for me. Why not? Good boyfriends should do those things. I would never send him to buy me "stuff" though. I draw the line.
Periods suck. I still hate them regardless of the pros. But I abide by my personal rules of engagement when it comes to Aunt Flo: don't go check niggaz (pointless), take mad pain killers, have a hot water bottle & tea on deck, live in sweats, eat yummy things and chill. The key is to chill! Make yourself as comfy as possible and ride it out. If you've got a great guy or an awesome best friend like I did and do even better! Don't worry, we all suffer with you. I hate the bitch Eve too.
The Articulate Bitch
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