Crazy 8! Let's go!
To the fellas who haven't quite figured out what is appropriate 'club attire' let me shine my ignorant ass blogging spotlight on you. Firstly, you have no excuse for showing up to a club you PLANNED to attend wearing something that violates dress code. You knew better and if you didn't, perhaps you should have taken a note from your homies when you saw them show up draped up and dripped out. Generally speaking you shouldn't have on a fitted or snap-back. Most clubs just don't do the hat thing, whether the dress code is relaxed or not. Don't whine and complain at the door because the bouncer told you to ditch your Toronto Blue Jays fitted. They don't care if it matches your Air Max sneakers perfectly. Stop ringing off your promoter friend's phone telling him to come to the door to cosign your outfit choice. It's a hassle that is NOT part of their job. Nine times out of ten they don't even care for you to be there, but you told them you were gonna buy bottles. Secondly, and on the opposite end of the spectrum are the dudes who overdress for the club. There's a guy I know who comes to the club looking like he might stop the music and grab the mic to preach a sermon at any moment. Unless specified as a formal event, leave the three piece suit and tie at home. You look silly, and guaranteed you will be leaving with your niggaz... sans bitches. Guess we know who ain't getting no pussy tonight. *kanye voice*
I have to specify before I say this that I have NO IDEA who the females involved are. So I'm breaking the seal in the bathroom last night, and two girls walk in talking loud as fuck complaining about the party. Mind you it was still pretty early, I had only pre-drank at this point. I'm used to hearing people complain at parties when it's early, since no one is drunk and awesome, the party hasn't turnt up yet. But while I'm taking my hand towel from the bathroom attendant the topic of their complaints switches up to something like this:
Thing 1: "I'm never coming here again."
Thing 2: "I know! There is all balls up there."
Thing 1: "Like *flips synthetic lace front over shoulder* where are all the girls?"
Thing 2: "Clubs in Atlanta and Miami are never like this! The guys are all so cheap here. In ATL I would have been drunk by now. Dudes line up to buy girls bottles in MIA and ATL..... blaaaaaaah blaaaaaaaah blaaaaaah"
Now, I've spoken about dudes not buying girls drinks before. Chivalry is dead in Toronto. Not because we have no manners here, the culture here is just different. We're called the screwface capital for a reason. Furthermore I have never seen these girls before, but you can't be unknown and swagless complaining about bottles that you claim to get in other cities. Who bought you a bottle in MIA? Did you go to Liv wearing that maxi dress you bought from Urban Planet (for my US readers, that's like Rainbow) and your EMPTY speedy? Don't come to the party to complain about shit not bein like it is in the states. If its so terrible not having these phantom bottle buyers in Toronto, MAYBE you should take you and your superiority complex back to ATL or MIA.
Sunday was a great party night for me. I stood on the mini stage with Trap and turnt up the whole night. But as we were doing the money dance trying not to spill Hennessy on the people in the booths below us, I look around and the crowded club and notice a shit load of people just standing. Which makes me wonder, why in the name of 2 Chainz anyone would take the effort to come to the club to be bored. What's your excuse? I hate hearing "I'm bored" when I'm drunk going ham to trap music. WHY are you bored? Is it because you came to the party with the wrong people? Nothing sours a night like party pooper friends. Or is it be because you're sober as fuck and last call just passed you by? Whatever the reason is, instead of pouting in a corner, declaring to anyone who will listen that "this is why I don't party", why don't you make the best out of the night and try to have fun? And if you can't just cut he malarkey fam. Take the sulking to your crib and leave us partying mother fuckers to our awesomeness.
The Articulate Bitch
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Why Amber Rose is a Real Nigga
I'm so ready for the controversy that may follow this one.
Amber and I have this imaginary relationship (that I have formed using my vivid imagination and general day-dreaming tendencies) which has taken us through ups and downs. But, I'm back in love with my bald shorty again. And I want y'all to understand why I see Amber Rose as a real nigga.
Now, Pre-Kanye I wondered who the hot white girl with the bald head was in that Luda video. Some time later I'm cruising the Internet and who do I see on the arm of one of my favourite assholes? My first reaction: SWAG! This girl is fucking beautiful and dresses her ass off. Rarely do I not like what she's wearing, especially recently. She's able to pull off just about anything being as gorgeous as she is. Tom boy style with sneakers, a fitted and a wood Jesus piece, no problem. Floor length bright red ball gown? Bring it on. Let's not forget how amazing she looks in her birthday suit... But we'll get to that.
In love, his girl is a shining example of dedication to a relationship. I've said it before, folks have told me what an absolute sweetheart this girl is. Seeing how she was with Mr West and now as Mrs Khalifa, I respect and admire her bravery in love and to love again. She seems like the type of girlfriend/wife to enjoy just being in the same room as her lover. Can't hate on her one bit for that.
I love her boldness and honesty as well. When we still knew nothing about Ms Rose, pictures began popping up of her with another girl (albeit a clear butch). In an interview she eloquently stated that she's not concerned with gender, but with love and what the heart wants. Granted, hearing that Amber Rose was bisexual had dicks everywhere hard, but it didn't come across as a publicity stunt or cry for attention. Truthfully she wouldn't have needed to at the time anyway.
Then came the stripper thing. Many people were sort of up in arms about it. God only knows why, but I digress. At the time Amber was seen as nothing more than a video vixen and arm candy, which made me wonder why her being a stripper previously was any shock. At any rate, the big deal about her last career blew over fairly quickly. She may have even opened doors for the popularity of certain adult entertainment engineers. I've never seen so many stripper celebrities before her.
Aprés Kanye, Amber started doing a lot on her own as far as building herself up. She was getting booked everywhere for appearances (including my lovely city), signed a modeling contract with an elite agency and began working with Vintage Frames company on campaigns (Behind Her Shades ... Trouser Snake). Home girl puts in mucho work!
More controversy raised its ugly head when nudes of her leaked (again?) and were rapidly copied and pasted across the web. The problem? Well, by this time she was deep in it with Wiz, it just wasn't looking good. Even I wondered how she was gonna get herself outta this one. But once again with grace she did her damage control. Coming out of it fairly unscathed. But let's be honest, those pics were great. I STILL have them saved and I have no intentions of parting ways with my Amber nudes (sorry Ambs, but if I can't see it in person I'm gonna hold onto hope... And those pics).
So what am I saying? I'm saying here's a sweet girl who has been called every hoe-like name, loved, lost, loved again, worked her amazing ass off, set a trend for bald blonde light skin girls everywhere, and has remained relevant without the aid of a boyfriend with a smile on her face despite sand thrown in her eyes time and time again.
It takes a special kind of person to gain popularity from their love life and not be destroyed when it ends. Only a strong person can have their wet and squishy bits plastered all over the Internet and still smile on a red carpet. And only Amber Rose can inhale that much bleach fumes and still remain an example of a determined as fuck female. Salute.
The Articulate Bitch
Amber and I have this imaginary relationship (that I have formed using my vivid imagination and general day-dreaming tendencies) which has taken us through ups and downs. But, I'm back in love with my bald shorty again. And I want y'all to understand why I see Amber Rose as a real nigga.
Now, Pre-Kanye I wondered who the hot white girl with the bald head was in that Luda video. Some time later I'm cruising the Internet and who do I see on the arm of one of my favourite assholes? My first reaction: SWAG! This girl is fucking beautiful and dresses her ass off. Rarely do I not like what she's wearing, especially recently. She's able to pull off just about anything being as gorgeous as she is. Tom boy style with sneakers, a fitted and a wood Jesus piece, no problem. Floor length bright red ball gown? Bring it on. Let's not forget how amazing she looks in her birthday suit... But we'll get to that.
In love, his girl is a shining example of dedication to a relationship. I've said it before, folks have told me what an absolute sweetheart this girl is. Seeing how she was with Mr West and now as Mrs Khalifa, I respect and admire her bravery in love and to love again. She seems like the type of girlfriend/wife to enjoy just being in the same room as her lover. Can't hate on her one bit for that.
I love her boldness and honesty as well. When we still knew nothing about Ms Rose, pictures began popping up of her with another girl (albeit a clear butch). In an interview she eloquently stated that she's not concerned with gender, but with love and what the heart wants. Granted, hearing that Amber Rose was bisexual had dicks everywhere hard, but it didn't come across as a publicity stunt or cry for attention. Truthfully she wouldn't have needed to at the time anyway.
Then came the stripper thing. Many people were sort of up in arms about it. God only knows why, but I digress. At the time Amber was seen as nothing more than a video vixen and arm candy, which made me wonder why her being a stripper previously was any shock. At any rate, the big deal about her last career blew over fairly quickly. She may have even opened doors for the popularity of certain adult entertainment engineers. I've never seen so many stripper celebrities before her.
Aprés Kanye, Amber started doing a lot on her own as far as building herself up. She was getting booked everywhere for appearances (including my lovely city), signed a modeling contract with an elite agency and began working with Vintage Frames company on campaigns (Behind Her Shades ... Trouser Snake). Home girl puts in mucho work!
More controversy raised its ugly head when nudes of her leaked (again?) and were rapidly copied and pasted across the web. The problem? Well, by this time she was deep in it with Wiz, it just wasn't looking good. Even I wondered how she was gonna get herself outta this one. But once again with grace she did her damage control. Coming out of it fairly unscathed. But let's be honest, those pics were great. I STILL have them saved and I have no intentions of parting ways with my Amber nudes (sorry Ambs, but if I can't see it in person I'm gonna hold onto hope... And those pics).
So what am I saying? I'm saying here's a sweet girl who has been called every hoe-like name, loved, lost, loved again, worked her amazing ass off, set a trend for bald blonde light skin girls everywhere, and has remained relevant without the aid of a boyfriend with a smile on her face despite sand thrown in her eyes time and time again.
It takes a special kind of person to gain popularity from their love life and not be destroyed when it ends. Only a strong person can have their wet and squishy bits plastered all over the Internet and still smile on a red carpet. And only Amber Rose can inhale that much bleach fumes and still remain an example of a determined as fuck female. Salute.
The Articulate Bitch
Wicked Games
I am far less than pleased with a few select gentleman right now. Some I have personal vendettas against, others are friends or friends of friends who I see screwing up royally.
We all know that love (...or lack thereof) can be a game. Some of us are willing participants, others are simply unsuspecting victims. This game is serious, the consequences and results are so real. Follow me on this.
My story, long story short version: meet this guy who claims to have been crushing for quite some time, one of those "I've seen you many times before", admiring from afar types. We start chit chatting, he expresses how intense his feelings are toward me. Two weeks later he drops this honesty bomb on me that he "sort of has a girl". I don't know how you can "sort of" do that but whatever. He claims a couple things: that it's not that serious, that it's complicated and that he is "afraid of losing" me.
Now, he is what I call a Points Keeper. This guy thinks that his honesty will save him regardless of the fact that he is clearly wrong in the situation. Bring up any objection to a Points Keeper and all they will do is try to convince you that you are somehow obligated to respect him and deal with shit you don't like simply because he was honest with you. I appreciate an honest man, perhaps more than the average girl would or should. So I'd be a damn liar if I said I didn't continue talking to him after he mushroom clouded my entire love life. But I went from playing the game with him to letting him play me and therefore playing myself. "But Jamz, you've been a side chick before. What's so different this time?" Simple. I already caught feelings for this guy. Successful side chickism involves you NOT catching feelings for someone whose feelings you can only have a portion of. That is the height of playing yourself. You set yourself up for nothing but disappointment. Not bout that life. Not gonna be his second girlfriend, while he is boyfriend to only one. No. No side chickism on this one.
Second is the leader. He is often the guilty culprit in Lonely Girl Relationship. His game is making every girl (though sometimes just one) feel like she is the only one in his life. This guy is smart. He knows not to shit where he eats or piss where he sleeps. He will do everything in his power to maintain his relationship's problem-free appearance, while continuing scandalous and often reprehensible behavior with other women on the side. The good part about the leader is that, even though he is clearly wrong for his infidelity, he is the type to keep his indiscretions in check. He won't allow his fun to ever fuck with his home life. He knows what he needs, and always maintains good standing there. What he wants is fleeting and he knows this. Priorities in check. Still an asshole.
Next on the roster is the Joker. This guy takes nothing seriously. If you are ever hurt by a Joker, it's definitely your fault. The Joker has no ties to any one woman so he does what he wants with all of them. He's the NORE type, with a chick for each day. He's sometimes sweet and romantic and downright charming, drawing you in with a cute face and stellar smile. He will continue to take you for a ride as long as you let him, never claiming to love you, and often letting it be known that you are not the only one with small sometimes unnoticeable actions. The classic "I'm at my home girl's house" line is a good indicator. If he pulls out that line when answering his phone around you, and y'all BEEN fucking... Well. Sorry girl. He's called the Joker because no particular girl is taken seriously until he is fully ready to do so. So while you're stressing, chain smoking, pulling out your virgin Indian weave and crying into pillows over this guy, he's wondering.... Why so serious?
The rookie is next on our list. This guy is new to the game, he's been riding the bench for a while. He might have been in a long-term relationship and now has a sour taste in his mouth leaving him bitter toward women (yes, this happens to men too), so now he's been released upon the world to wreak havoc on any unsuspecting pussy he comes across. You always know a rookie when you encounter then because they are overly callous, sometimes downright rude. On the other hand, he may also treat you great sometimes and horrible the next 'cause he's still trying to control the old boyfriend habits that won't die. Many Jokers are rookies who have slaughtered their emotions in the name of revenge against the female race.
Lastly, the Playerette. Yup. Just like the name states, this here is the lady player, the most feared among all players on the roster. It's been said for years that women cheat better/smarter than men. The Playerette is a man eating machine. She's sexy, smart and deceptive. She's skilled in the art of seduction and knows all the right buttons to press. She is feared because she is often not identifiable until she's already successful. Women are instinctually sweet, emotional, nurturing and affectionate. So it's hard to know if the things she does with you are exclusive to you. Simple fact is, she gets close because she's a female and covers her tracks because she, unlike other women, has an understanding of the man's mind. She knows you're going to check her phone, so things are deleted or hidden. She knows how to apologize sweetly to get you off her back. She knows how to keep you where she wants you. You will know nothing she doesn't tell you. Scary bitch. I know.
Victims are those who find themselves involved with these people. They are the innocent bystanders getting swept in the love life playoffs. Unprepared, unsuspecting and often naive, victims often get traded to rosters like these after enough losing games. Who can blame them?
The problem with this game is that it takes such a detrimental toll on both parties. One is left hurt and confused and the other is left not knowing how to maintain a healthy relationship. Retired players are often the ones who have learned all the lessons and know what to do to actually be good to someone since learning the errors of their ways. The problem comes in when all they encounter are reminders of who they used to be. Now they have no one to blame because they now have to learn to love the monsters they've created.
Congratulations to the Doctor Frankesteins of the world.
The Articulate Bitch
We all know that love (...or lack thereof) can be a game. Some of us are willing participants, others are simply unsuspecting victims. This game is serious, the consequences and results are so real. Follow me on this.
My story, long story short version: meet this guy who claims to have been crushing for quite some time, one of those "I've seen you many times before", admiring from afar types. We start chit chatting, he expresses how intense his feelings are toward me. Two weeks later he drops this honesty bomb on me that he "sort of has a girl". I don't know how you can "sort of" do that but whatever. He claims a couple things: that it's not that serious, that it's complicated and that he is "afraid of losing" me.
Now, he is what I call a Points Keeper. This guy thinks that his honesty will save him regardless of the fact that he is clearly wrong in the situation. Bring up any objection to a Points Keeper and all they will do is try to convince you that you are somehow obligated to respect him and deal with shit you don't like simply because he was honest with you. I appreciate an honest man, perhaps more than the average girl would or should. So I'd be a damn liar if I said I didn't continue talking to him after he mushroom clouded my entire love life. But I went from playing the game with him to letting him play me and therefore playing myself. "But Jamz, you've been a side chick before. What's so different this time?" Simple. I already caught feelings for this guy. Successful side chickism involves you NOT catching feelings for someone whose feelings you can only have a portion of. That is the height of playing yourself. You set yourself up for nothing but disappointment. Not bout that life. Not gonna be his second girlfriend, while he is boyfriend to only one. No. No side chickism on this one.
Second is the leader. He is often the guilty culprit in Lonely Girl Relationship. His game is making every girl (though sometimes just one) feel like she is the only one in his life. This guy is smart. He knows not to shit where he eats or piss where he sleeps. He will do everything in his power to maintain his relationship's problem-free appearance, while continuing scandalous and often reprehensible behavior with other women on the side. The good part about the leader is that, even though he is clearly wrong for his infidelity, he is the type to keep his indiscretions in check. He won't allow his fun to ever fuck with his home life. He knows what he needs, and always maintains good standing there. What he wants is fleeting and he knows this. Priorities in check. Still an asshole.
Next on the roster is the Joker. This guy takes nothing seriously. If you are ever hurt by a Joker, it's definitely your fault. The Joker has no ties to any one woman so he does what he wants with all of them. He's the NORE type, with a chick for each day. He's sometimes sweet and romantic and downright charming, drawing you in with a cute face and stellar smile. He will continue to take you for a ride as long as you let him, never claiming to love you, and often letting it be known that you are not the only one with small sometimes unnoticeable actions. The classic "I'm at my home girl's house" line is a good indicator. If he pulls out that line when answering his phone around you, and y'all BEEN fucking... Well. Sorry girl. He's called the Joker because no particular girl is taken seriously until he is fully ready to do so. So while you're stressing, chain smoking, pulling out your virgin Indian weave and crying into pillows over this guy, he's wondering.... Why so serious?
The rookie is next on our list. This guy is new to the game, he's been riding the bench for a while. He might have been in a long-term relationship and now has a sour taste in his mouth leaving him bitter toward women (yes, this happens to men too), so now he's been released upon the world to wreak havoc on any unsuspecting pussy he comes across. You always know a rookie when you encounter then because they are overly callous, sometimes downright rude. On the other hand, he may also treat you great sometimes and horrible the next 'cause he's still trying to control the old boyfriend habits that won't die. Many Jokers are rookies who have slaughtered their emotions in the name of revenge against the female race.
Lastly, the Playerette. Yup. Just like the name states, this here is the lady player, the most feared among all players on the roster. It's been said for years that women cheat better/smarter than men. The Playerette is a man eating machine. She's sexy, smart and deceptive. She's skilled in the art of seduction and knows all the right buttons to press. She is feared because she is often not identifiable until she's already successful. Women are instinctually sweet, emotional, nurturing and affectionate. So it's hard to know if the things she does with you are exclusive to you. Simple fact is, she gets close because she's a female and covers her tracks because she, unlike other women, has an understanding of the man's mind. She knows you're going to check her phone, so things are deleted or hidden. She knows how to apologize sweetly to get you off her back. She knows how to keep you where she wants you. You will know nothing she doesn't tell you. Scary bitch. I know.
Victims are those who find themselves involved with these people. They are the innocent bystanders getting swept in the love life playoffs. Unprepared, unsuspecting and often naive, victims often get traded to rosters like these after enough losing games. Who can blame them?
The problem with this game is that it takes such a detrimental toll on both parties. One is left hurt and confused and the other is left not knowing how to maintain a healthy relationship. Retired players are often the ones who have learned all the lessons and know what to do to actually be good to someone since learning the errors of their ways. The problem comes in when all they encounter are reminders of who they used to be. Now they have no one to blame because they now have to learn to love the monsters they've created.
Congratulations to the Doctor Frankesteins of the world.
The Articulate Bitch
Sunday, 3 June 2012
YMCMB vs Hot 97
It's wrapping up as I type away at this moment.
We have all heard the stories from ghosts of Summer Jam past, the drama, the surprises, the beef! This year did not disappoint.
The story I got via twitter and the 2 + 2 theory: Peter Rosenberg, who works for Hot 97 said Nicki Minaj's song Starships was trash. Nicki, who was headlining Summer Jam didn't take the comment too well and ranted a bit on twitter. Lil Wayne added his two cents and declared that Young Money would not be doing Summer Jam. Tyga didn't get the memo in time and performed half his set before someone clued him in. Irrelevant ass J Millz tweeted some shit like ".. I saw the tweet, so that's that". Yeah, cuz we were all amped to see you perform.
Nicki had tweeted the long list of big name performers she was going to bring out which left many wondering what this would turn out like. Surprisingly (then perhaps not) the entire concert continued without a hitch. All the guests promised still came out, with only Young Moneyites noticeably absent.
So, time for the real. What Nicki SHOULD have done was perform anyway and diss Rosenberg live on stage. Summer Jam is just ratchet enough to allow that spectacle. She should've snatched the mic and did the entire concert like real bitch Nicki from the Come Up DVD. Nicki copped the fuck out saying she was respecting Wayne's wishes. That's cool Nicki. It's Whatevz.
Also, Summer Jam is kind of a hood event. They bring out every nigga/ bitch making waves in music. It's a mixtape/ underground artists playground. All the niggaz that are on their tracks and remixes are in attendance. And old favorites are always brought back. It's a phenomenon. That being said, it isn't necessarily the best platform for commercial artists. YMCMB exemplifies commercial hip hop. They're hip-pop. It's sugar coated, censor friendly, pop/rock/dance feature having, video worthy, top forty bubble gum rap. Is there anything wrong with it? No, but it's a genre to itself at this point. Young Money doesn't suit the Hot 97 crowd he way they each did BEFORE Young Money. The irony.
Lastly, Funk Master Flex, the king of the broken chill button, has said he's dedicating himself to ending Nicki Minaj (not in those words exactly... But DAMN similar). Stating his dislike for commercial music and even saying that she's in for more disappointing record sales in the future after this incident. Flex don't play. But we ALL knew that.
I personally can't wait to see how this ends. *gets popcorn* keep your eye on these twitter skreets!
The Articulate Bitch
We have all heard the stories from ghosts of Summer Jam past, the drama, the surprises, the beef! This year did not disappoint.
The story I got via twitter and the 2 + 2 theory: Peter Rosenberg, who works for Hot 97 said Nicki Minaj's song Starships was trash. Nicki, who was headlining Summer Jam didn't take the comment too well and ranted a bit on twitter. Lil Wayne added his two cents and declared that Young Money would not be doing Summer Jam. Tyga didn't get the memo in time and performed half his set before someone clued him in. Irrelevant ass J Millz tweeted some shit like ".. I saw the tweet, so that's that". Yeah, cuz we were all amped to see you perform.
Nicki had tweeted the long list of big name performers she was going to bring out which left many wondering what this would turn out like. Surprisingly (then perhaps not) the entire concert continued without a hitch. All the guests promised still came out, with only Young Moneyites noticeably absent.
So, time for the real. What Nicki SHOULD have done was perform anyway and diss Rosenberg live on stage. Summer Jam is just ratchet enough to allow that spectacle. She should've snatched the mic and did the entire concert like real bitch Nicki from the Come Up DVD. Nicki copped the fuck out saying she was respecting Wayne's wishes. That's cool Nicki. It's Whatevz.
Also, Summer Jam is kind of a hood event. They bring out every nigga/ bitch making waves in music. It's a mixtape/ underground artists playground. All the niggaz that are on their tracks and remixes are in attendance. And old favorites are always brought back. It's a phenomenon. That being said, it isn't necessarily the best platform for commercial artists. YMCMB exemplifies commercial hip hop. They're hip-pop. It's sugar coated, censor friendly, pop/rock/dance feature having, video worthy, top forty bubble gum rap. Is there anything wrong with it? No, but it's a genre to itself at this point. Young Money doesn't suit the Hot 97 crowd he way they each did BEFORE Young Money. The irony.
Lastly, Funk Master Flex, the king of the broken chill button, has said he's dedicating himself to ending Nicki Minaj (not in those words exactly... But DAMN similar). Stating his dislike for commercial music and even saying that she's in for more disappointing record sales in the future after this incident. Flex don't play. But we ALL knew that.
I personally can't wait to see how this ends. *gets popcorn* keep your eye on these twitter skreets!
The Articulate Bitch
Club Chonicles pt7
Lucky number seven. Shimmy.
When entering the clubesphere, there are roles, jobs, positions and rules governing them all. DJs are not generally promoters, promoters are not photographers, etc. This is a very general 'Stay In Your Lane' warning. Stop grabbing for the mic when you're a no name with a back pocket full of flyers. Stop draping the photographer by his camera strap to delete pics you don't like. If it's not your job don't do it. People are designated into their roles for a reason. Basically.... chill the fuck out.
Hood niggaz that come to the club only on special occasions or random outings are the single most entertaining group of people I have ever witnessed. Oh my days, they are so funny. They're one of two types. There's the quiet in a corner, schemin' with a bottle in their hand and way too much jewelry on with a blunt in their other hand type. Then, my personal favourite, the rowdy, too drunk, YOLO lookin' ass nigga. This dude is always fucked all the way up, probably still has a bottle in his hand, slapping the walls, jumping on couches, scream-rapping all the songs and roughly grabbing at hot girls in tight dresses. There is no controlling this guy. He almost always starts an argument or full on fight, pisses somewhere he shouldn't and pukes the memory of the night somewhere he'll have to clean it up from before court in the morning.
I spend a fair amount of my party time in DJ booths getting hype, and it never fails, there's always someone bothering the DJ or bothering the emcee for something. With the DJ it's usually some prick who thinks this is the perfect time to request a song. DJs have SETS. They have a list and order of songs they intend on playing. Generally if an artist happens to walk into the venue, the DJ will play one of their songs, but rarely do DJs stray from their set to play anything unplanned. This ain't the request line, we partying right now. Call Flow for that shit. Then there are those niggaz who poke and prod the emcee to say some shit on the mic. Listen, we came to hear music, we don't even really wanna hear the emcee chat too much. So stop askin' him to plug your wack party, or to shout out your hood. The only acceptable exception is birthday shout outs. That is all.
Oh, and for the record: the cranberry fiasco was corrected last Wednesday. I stumbled home quite contently.
The Articulate Bitch
When entering the clubesphere, there are roles, jobs, positions and rules governing them all. DJs are not generally promoters, promoters are not photographers, etc. This is a very general 'Stay In Your Lane' warning. Stop grabbing for the mic when you're a no name with a back pocket full of flyers. Stop draping the photographer by his camera strap to delete pics you don't like. If it's not your job don't do it. People are designated into their roles for a reason. Basically.... chill the fuck out.
Hood niggaz that come to the club only on special occasions or random outings are the single most entertaining group of people I have ever witnessed. Oh my days, they are so funny. They're one of two types. There's the quiet in a corner, schemin' with a bottle in their hand and way too much jewelry on with a blunt in their other hand type. Then, my personal favourite, the rowdy, too drunk, YOLO lookin' ass nigga. This dude is always fucked all the way up, probably still has a bottle in his hand, slapping the walls, jumping on couches, scream-rapping all the songs and roughly grabbing at hot girls in tight dresses. There is no controlling this guy. He almost always starts an argument or full on fight, pisses somewhere he shouldn't and pukes the memory of the night somewhere he'll have to clean it up from before court in the morning.
I spend a fair amount of my party time in DJ booths getting hype, and it never fails, there's always someone bothering the DJ or bothering the emcee for something. With the DJ it's usually some prick who thinks this is the perfect time to request a song. DJs have SETS. They have a list and order of songs they intend on playing. Generally if an artist happens to walk into the venue, the DJ will play one of their songs, but rarely do DJs stray from their set to play anything unplanned. This ain't the request line, we partying right now. Call Flow for that shit. Then there are those niggaz who poke and prod the emcee to say some shit on the mic. Listen, we came to hear music, we don't even really wanna hear the emcee chat too much. So stop askin' him to plug your wack party, or to shout out your hood. The only acceptable exception is birthday shout outs. That is all.
Oh, and for the record: the cranberry fiasco was corrected last Wednesday. I stumbled home quite contently.
The Articulate Bitch
The Lonlely Girl Relationship
Lonely girls, we like to think, are those who have far too much time without a man or friends to occupy their time. They get annoying real quick cuz they tend to do nothing but feel sorry for themselves. But many girls are surrounded by loved ones and still play the lonely role. Many of these girls are in relationships, lonely ones. Don't get it? You will.
Lonely girl relationships are usually the result of a reluctant man who enjoys the IDEA of having a girl on hand, but isn't all too thrilled with the concept of a relationship. He does just enough to keep her around but not enough to make himself feel guilty for leading her on. Is he an asshole? Probably, but she's also a dummy for putting up with it. Most guys who do this don't hide it very well, or at all in some cases.
Lonely girls tend to be slightly if not completely delusional and oblivious to the reality of their relationship. They're the type to cry like children to their friends and ask why they deserve to be treated in such a way. Their friends normally have become accustomed to being the shoulders to cry on because this happens frequently. There's always some sort of problem, argument, issue that she calls them with. They've probably given her advice on advice on advice and home girl hits them with the "but you don't understand, I LOVE HIM," line EVERY TIME. So they've all taken vows of silence, refusing to tell her anything, knowing she won't listen.
Lonely girls are usually the type to place their partner on a pedestal. They act like there is no life without this person. Now, I am all for love, being the hopeless romantic that I am. But my inner realist knows that there is a serious dependence issue with being unable to function without another person. Lonely girls are bored to tears within an hour of being without their partner. That's when you peep the "All alone... So bored without HIM" tweets and status updates. Hey, lonely girls, FYI all us normal folks think that shit is hella pathetic. Get it together.
This is not commentary on LOVE. This is commentary on delusion and dependence. Your world should not revolve around any one person who is not your child. As a female I feel the need to stress that no man should ever be what completes you but what compliments you. Furthermore, if the person you're with doesn't obsess the way you do, perhaps some reevaluation is in order. When you make someone your everything, once they're gone you're left with nothing.
Love is not obsession, it's passion. Obsession blinds people, passion guides them. Yeah yeah obsession is an expression of passion but that shit is for the crazies.
The Articulate Bitch
Lonely girl relationships are usually the result of a reluctant man who enjoys the IDEA of having a girl on hand, but isn't all too thrilled with the concept of a relationship. He does just enough to keep her around but not enough to make himself feel guilty for leading her on. Is he an asshole? Probably, but she's also a dummy for putting up with it. Most guys who do this don't hide it very well, or at all in some cases.
Lonely girls tend to be slightly if not completely delusional and oblivious to the reality of their relationship. They're the type to cry like children to their friends and ask why they deserve to be treated in such a way. Their friends normally have become accustomed to being the shoulders to cry on because this happens frequently. There's always some sort of problem, argument, issue that she calls them with. They've probably given her advice on advice on advice and home girl hits them with the "but you don't understand, I LOVE HIM," line EVERY TIME. So they've all taken vows of silence, refusing to tell her anything, knowing she won't listen.
Lonely girls are usually the type to place their partner on a pedestal. They act like there is no life without this person. Now, I am all for love, being the hopeless romantic that I am. But my inner realist knows that there is a serious dependence issue with being unable to function without another person. Lonely girls are bored to tears within an hour of being without their partner. That's when you peep the "All alone... So bored without HIM" tweets and status updates. Hey, lonely girls, FYI all us normal folks think that shit is hella pathetic. Get it together.
This is not commentary on LOVE. This is commentary on delusion and dependence. Your world should not revolve around any one person who is not your child. As a female I feel the need to stress that no man should ever be what completes you but what compliments you. Furthermore, if the person you're with doesn't obsess the way you do, perhaps some reevaluation is in order. When you make someone your everything, once they're gone you're left with nothing.
Love is not obsession, it's passion. Obsession blinds people, passion guides them. Yeah yeah obsession is an expression of passion but that shit is for the crazies.
The Articulate Bitch
No Boyfriend of Mine
This is meant to be funny, but I'm dead serious. Yes, I will acknowledge that some dudes are exceptions. But these are still my rules beeeeeeitch.
No boyfriend of mine:
1. Will wear a True Religion strap-back hat. I hate them. There is nothing cool about them. Matter of fact, that shit is reserved strictly for the euro-trash types and Asians. When have flex-fit hats EVER been cool for niggaz? This goes for them Polo shits too. I am just NOT fuckin' with the strap backs with the bent beaks. No! Fuck outta here. Just because it's True Religion does NOT mean it looks good. Stop that shit.
2. Will wear baggy pants. There is no negotiating this WHATSOEVER. The 90s are over. Thank you.
3. Will play Nicki Minaj. I had an incident where I was in a vehicle and a nigga legitimately started bumping Pink Friday. Needless to say I felt very uncomfortable. Female rappers are kinda reserved for bitches. I'm not saying dudes can't appreciate her but don't be rapping verses.
4. Will smoke weed without the ability to roll his own. I'm sorry, but I pride myself on my roll game. I smoke everyday. This shit is sacred. Under no circumstances should I have to roll EVERY time we smoke together. This dude I used to fuck with a couple years couldn't roll to save his life and refused to learn. I uses to HATE being stoned as fuck having to summon the strength to roll again cuz this nigga clearly wasn't bout that life.
5. Will be a tattoo virgin. Seems superficial, but my reasoning is perfectly sound, I assure you. I'm not exclusively attracted to tatted guys but I do prefer them. For one, obviously we have that in common. Second, when it comes time to get serious and meet parents, there is no shock or surprise. I can't have the 'why did you do that?' convo. And besides, tattoos are sexy.
6. Will listen to Lil B or Soulja Boy. I can't stress this enough. I just can't partake. I'm tired of people trying so hard to convince me these two are worth listening to. All I hear is "Soulja Boy is rich and Lil B is a genius" yeah whatever. *yawn* When I hear them rap I feel my brain liquefying and turning into mush. It's quite unpleasant.
Of course there are things like personality and finances that matter but those are obvious. Sometimes we need to look at the little things too. Y'dig.
The Articulate Bitch
No boyfriend of mine:
1. Will wear a True Religion strap-back hat. I hate them. There is nothing cool about them. Matter of fact, that shit is reserved strictly for the euro-trash types and Asians. When have flex-fit hats EVER been cool for niggaz? This goes for them Polo shits too. I am just NOT fuckin' with the strap backs with the bent beaks. No! Fuck outta here. Just because it's True Religion does NOT mean it looks good. Stop that shit.
2. Will wear baggy pants. There is no negotiating this WHATSOEVER. The 90s are over. Thank you.
3. Will play Nicki Minaj. I had an incident where I was in a vehicle and a nigga legitimately started bumping Pink Friday. Needless to say I felt very uncomfortable. Female rappers are kinda reserved for bitches. I'm not saying dudes can't appreciate her but don't be rapping verses.
4. Will smoke weed without the ability to roll his own. I'm sorry, but I pride myself on my roll game. I smoke everyday. This shit is sacred. Under no circumstances should I have to roll EVERY time we smoke together. This dude I used to fuck with a couple years couldn't roll to save his life and refused to learn. I uses to HATE being stoned as fuck having to summon the strength to roll again cuz this nigga clearly wasn't bout that life.
5. Will be a tattoo virgin. Seems superficial, but my reasoning is perfectly sound, I assure you. I'm not exclusively attracted to tatted guys but I do prefer them. For one, obviously we have that in common. Second, when it comes time to get serious and meet parents, there is no shock or surprise. I can't have the 'why did you do that?' convo. And besides, tattoos are sexy.
6. Will listen to Lil B or Soulja Boy. I can't stress this enough. I just can't partake. I'm tired of people trying so hard to convince me these two are worth listening to. All I hear is "Soulja Boy is rich and Lil B is a genius" yeah whatever. *yawn* When I hear them rap I feel my brain liquefying and turning into mush. It's quite unpleasant.
Of course there are things like personality and finances that matter but those are obvious. Sometimes we need to look at the little things too. Y'dig.
The Articulate Bitch
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