Weave is one if those "public secrets" that we as people live with. We all know a weave when we see one, the mystery has been killed along with horses everywhere. So much comes along with this hair we so painstakingly purchase and sit for hours, withstanding pain, chemicals and heat to install. Laugh with me while I say all the things we know to be true about rocking and maintaining our crowning glory.
Years ago, you were hot shit just for having in human hair. "Girl, I can flat iron AND wash this bad boy!" try that shit now and you'll be laughed right out of the conversation. Women are paying more than ever for high quality weaves. You know what I'm talking about. That virgin, remy hair all or favourite celebrity females are rocking has become the standard for a good weave. For hundreds of dollars per bundle, the shit better be. Nowadays you don't ask where a girl got her hair done or even where she bought it. You wanna know what country it's from. Indian, Brazilian, Malaysian... I can't help but picture scores of bald women scattered about the planet all in the name of our weaves. I'll admit though, this hair is fast becoming the be-all end-all in extensions. You definitely get what you pay for.
Along with the virgin exotic hair trend has come a color trend I hadn't heard about since I graduated hair school a couple years ago. You know it as that color job that sort of looks like you let your roots grow all the way out: ombré. With good quality hair this shit looks bangin'. But more recently I've seen a few low budget, bootleg versions of this trend. Let me be the first to tell y'all what you should already know: throwing some 20" number 27 under 16" number 1B is NOT ombré. NICE TRY. Ombré is a COLOR JOB. Buying two colors of weave is not ombré my dear.
Many dudes I know have said girls that wear weave are balding under it all. The sad thing is it's true!!! A girl will spend a stack on her weave and pay no attention to the fact her real hair is suffering, breaking and tearing out in chunks under that stack. Ew. Seriously, take a little time to give your hair a treatment, trim, shit do SOMETHING, but don't just say "fuck it" and let it go. I've been that way too, just worrying about my weave and not my natural hair, but when you want to do a nice ponytail with some bangs you kinda need some kind of hair of your own. Nawmsayin'?
Man, even Beyoncé herself told us to pat our weaves. Thats the queen, and even she knows sometimes you got that itch you just can't scratch somewhere among the tracks. It's like a mission to find the spot that's itching in that head of hair, but when you do.... Awww sheeeeit. I tell you that is the sweetest scratch in life. You know it's real when you pull out a pen or a tail comb to get it. A girl scratching her scalp is the happiest woman in that moment I promise you. That look of pain that transforms to a look of pure satisfaction about five seconds into it, eyes roll back or close, sometimes a moan or two escapes... It's so authentic.
I've never been the type for wigs, but ol' girl Nicki has made the lace front the new standard for the adventurous female and her hair needs. Never before have girls (black girls primarily) had the opportunity to get so brave with their hair colors. Platinum blonde, pink, green, blue, orange and of course the fire engine red have become almost common. I don't know how much I can cosign the average chicks lookin' like a bag of skittles though. Some of y'all really need to just let Nicki be great with the colors and leave it alone. Not to perpetuate self-hate but for the life of me I can't figure out why it always seems to be the darkskin girls who wanna try this shit all the time. I'm talkin' midnight reincarnated with a turquoise lace front that reaches her ass. Really? I'm all for pushing the envelope but y'all makin' me wanna off my top with all these abominations of hair.
Speaking of wigs... You know those braids you got underneath? Let's face it, you have nothing else to keep tight except those. There's no real excuse for having some fucked up, fuzzy straight backs under your wig. I laughed recently at a couple strippers beefing on twitter when one tweeted "make sure those straight backs under your wig are fresh". Man listen, if a bitch is gonna get her wig snatcher game on, you better have your shit together under that platinum blonde.
Laziness is such a determining factor in wearing weave, it's a sin. A lazy girl will not be able to maintain that head for the life of her. These are those girls who won't even take the step of tying up their hair in the shower much less before bed. In my weave wearing prime, I wouldn't be caught dead without flat ironing my hair. Maintenance is so much more than putting in more oil sheen and brushing it out. C'mon ladies. Time to get it together. When you hair already smells like a hobos breath, feels like straw soaked in Pink Lotion, and looks like a stiff hair helmet, you gotta know it's time to take it out. When your flat iron starts smoking up your bathroom uncontrollably that means one thing: there is entirely too much product of your hair. STOP ADDING MORE. Either wash that hair (which so few women do), or replace it. Stop thinking all it will take is more product and more heat. No. Stale weave is not poppin', bad bitch.
To the fellas, I know it's hard. Fake hair, fake nails, fake lashes, fake ass, fake tits and all that makeup, all you want is a real bitch, right? Wish I could say it's all just a passing fad, but as you can see, it's only evolving to new heights. Kinda forces you to look at personality doesn't it? Ha!
Pat your weave ladies.
The Articulate Bitch
